Essential Beauty Tips

I have seen beautiful people with no confidence. Once, a person whom I find rather attractive told me that she thinks she's ugly. 

And I have seen someone who is beautifully confident. This lady may not be touted as the most beautiful but it's her beautiful personality that shone through, mainly, by being herself. Eventually, she went on to marry a gentleman who is so in love with her. In a way, she's a tangible prove that every one of us on the surface of this planet is unique and should be accepted as each of us are. 

To a certain extend, beauty is subjective. Someone may find you normal looking, while someone else may find you attractive. But no matter what, if you don't feel confident and do not put in any effort to look good, it's very difficult to look beautiful. So, here are some tips to maintain your beauty as you already are! Enjoy!

1. Unless you fancy having 'orange peel' skin, do not wash your face vigorously with neat facial foam. This is massive destruction. Always wash your face with facial foam lathered with enough water into soft, cushiony foam - in gentle strokes. 

In the morning, wash your face lightly using less facial soap (I use a tiny pea-size only), as you do not want to dry out your facial skin - which will trigger your skin to produce even more oil for replacement, causing oily facial skin! Some people simply splash their face with water, skipping the soap, in order not to wash away their natural skin oil. 

At night, wash your face with recommended or normal amounts of facial soap (I use about 1 cm amount lathered into a soft, cushiony foam) to remove the dirt, oil, and other impurities accumulated throughout the day.

2. If you notice wrinkles appearing at your neck area, your body wash might be too harsh and drying them out. Change your body wash to a soap-free type or use your facial wash to wash your neck as well - assuming that your facial wash is milder than your body wash. Treat your neck like how you would treat your face as they tend to show the very first signs of aging or damage. If you moisturise your face, don't forget about your neck. Be gentle here too, please - unless you can't wait to have neck wrinkles!

3. Do not attempt to remove your black/white heads in one day. You may end up with angry strawberry-like skin, not to mention 'moon-craters'. If they are too stubborn, try another day. I've learnt this the hard way, craters and all. And don't forget, the damage is permanent. Truly, patience here is a virtue.

4. While you shampoo your hair, do not scratch your scalp with your fingernails. Use the soft part of fingertips to massage and wash your scalp. This can improve blood circulation and promote hair growth. 

Also, do not use too much shampoo (1 or 2 one dollar coin size) and always dilute it by lathering it with some water before applying directly to your scalp. Consistently washing your scalp with neat shampoo may end up with dry or damaged scalp which may exacerbate into other problems like hair loss (due to damaged/weak roots) or dandruff. Use more shampoo only if you have dryer, thicker, or longer hair - that is, it has more surface area. 

This also depends on the type of shampoo you use: if it's a more watery and bubbly shampoo, you'll use less of it and vice versa. Remember, do not tug or pull at your hair while shampooing. It should be, literally, a smooth operation. And as with your facial skin, wash your hair lightly in the morning and more thoroughly at the end of the day to remove accumulated dirt and oil.  

Wash your hair just once or twice a day. Over washing washes away the natural oil on your scalp and may cause dry scalp and frizzy hair. This, in turn may send the natural secretion of hair sebum into overdrive (to compensate for the dryness) which leads to an oily scalp. Just bear in mind that you should keep your scalp clean but not over-cleaned. If you have frizzy, untamed hair, apply hair serum, especially to the roots. That will instantly give you glowing and healthy-looking hair.

5. Take extra care not to apply hair conditioner onto your scalp or hair roots. As conditioners are meant to stick onto your hair and is thus difficult to wash off, it may prevent your hair roots from 'breathing'. This may eventually close off your scalp pores causing permanently dead hair roots which then leads to balding. Imagine a shiny, hairless patch of scalp! Conditioners are solely for hair and hair ends (split-ends). Make sure you apply it about one inch away from your scalp. 

6. Not so much of a beauty tip, but someone taught me to wipe smelly pits with disinfectant wipes. No deodorant needed! Make sure your skin under there is not damage though. Smelly isn't beautiful, right?

7. Have problems drinking enough water? Drink up every time right before/after you visit the loo. Replace what you expel instantly! A well-hydrated body will result in optimal health and healthy looking skin. 

8. Shower temperature: In the morning, shower with lukewarm water to gently open your pores for washing before finishing with a cool splash of water all over your body (including your hair), to close your pores and 'wake up' your body. At night, shower with warm water to wash away dirt and oil accumulated throughout the day. Warm shower will also cool your body down, relax your muscles, and preps you for a good night's sleep - an essential factor for looking great and being healthy. 

9. Stand straight. I think standing straight is the best confidence-booster of all time. When you slouch, you not only look shorter but you are also damaging your spine and leading yourself to various physical and even mental health. Remember, a beautiful person is one that is both mentally and physically healthy. Slouching immediately makes you feel unconfident. So people, stomach in, chest out, and hold up your head as if there's a string pulling you from the top of your head. Need more inspiration? Search on youtube and watch how Miss Universe 2015 walks. She's the epitome of "confidently beautiful".

PS: Pregnant ladies should maintain or adjust accordingly to a proper posture too. For me, I need to arch my back a little more (at around 4 months pregnant) to feel aligned and comfortable and prevent back pain - whether I'm standing, sitting, or bending. Check with your doctor for advice. 

Random Notes On My Hubby And Son

Hubby with his camera and the hyperactive Jovie jumping around as usual.

Here are some of my precious moments/state of mind that I'd like to capture.

1. There's a newfound joie de vivre (feeling of happiness and excitement about life) and a certain charismatic air about Hubby after we had a child. It's the fatherly glow - the way he loves his child makes him so beautiful.

2. Putting my eyes against his warm head gives me the most secure feeling in the world. That heat from his head piercing right into my cold eyes.... It's as if I had the whole world and nothing else matters anymore.

3. Seeing both of them clean, fed and sound asleep gives me the most blissful feeling in the world. 

4. My child's joyous laughter and outburst of kisses melts away all my stresses. And the sudden "I love you mommy" makes everything worthwhile. 

5. Being married to my husband, having to sign on that dotted line, is to be committed to working out our differences - for life. And I am glad that both of us are still willing to work on our marriage after a decade. 

6. After trying for six months, we've finally got a bun in the oven!

7. My boy at 3 years old: 

He sometimes stares right into my eyeballs, shoos me away and say: "Go away mummy, go back to your kitchen and cook, don't ti-pert (disturb) me!" Sometimes he hugs me suddenly.

8. "Mommy" is one of the best things I've heard in my life. And the way he looks (at things), the way he smiles, the way he walks, the way he stinks (!), somehow makes me feel like the luckiest mom on earth.

9. As both my hubby and child are clutter-prone - they can simply ditch random personal items as they move around the house - it'll be great to have a central drawer where they can dump everything inside and then clear out every few weeks (important note for our renovation).

Eagle spotting at Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve

10. I stay sane with pre-dawn brisk walks around the big field every morning for about an hour to 'clear my mind' before the insanity of the new day begins. When hubby and son are still sound asleep, I'll sneak out for a quick run/walk. This is my precious 'me' time.

11. I feel that I can now breathe easier as my son started attending preschool.

12. At almost 4 years old, he had become much more difficult to handle. As he grew physically, his balance, dexterity, and curiosity increased. He is practically jumping from wall to wall in the house like a monkey. Only Peppa Pig and Umizoomi videos could make him sit still. 

13. He's cute as a button.

14. At 5 years old: When I was trying to discipline him while using a cane to scare him, I can't help burst out laughing. Many times, I have to hold in my bursting laughter. I'm so terrible. I think he had me under his thumb.

15. The other day, when I saw my son approaching I thought to myself...

"Here comes the tornado"

16. My man has recently gained a dad bod (swelling tummy, neck and all). He is getting older. No doubt about it. #confirmdoubleconfirm

17. I am sometimes jealous of my hubby having a mini-me. And I wonder how my mini-me would look like.

18. Joke: One day I was having my menses and peeing in the bathroom and my child (5 year old) came in abruptly and said to me: 

"Oh Mommy! You're bleeding! Are you going to die? Awww.. I'll miss you Mommy."

Then, on another day, I placed a new sanitary pad with light green packaging in the bathroom vanity top and he asked his Papa:

"Papa, is that mommy's diapers?"

"It looks like green cheese (slice)"

Home Renovation Tips

I couldn't be happier when my hubby told me that I have the full rein to do up our entire empty new home. The home that I have in mind is comfy and cosy, one that allows the occupants to remove themselves from their hectic day and be fully relaxed. This should be our private sanctuary that each of us can retreat to at the end of the day. The world is really getting so overpopulated already. We really need a proper and peaceful home where we can wind down and recharge our batteries. 

I think that home design should be, as far as possible, both user-friendly plus practical (Function) and pleasing to the eyes (Form). 

A home design with good function will have an efficient layout in terms of clever usage of space and arrangement/design of furniture according to the layout and its users' living habits. The user experience should be pleasant and, if possible, effortless. In short, the home design should serve its intended purpose (or function) well.


Whereas for form, the end-design of the home should be aesthetically pleasing to the users. The chosen colours, design and materials for the walls, floorings, fittings, cupboard and counters should not only look great but also achieve its intended visual effect to the users. Example, if the home is designed to look airy and spacious, light or bright colours should be used, furniture can be hung on the walls and they should not block any natural sunlight coming in from the windows.


Do not give up one for another. A home design with great function (or practicality) may be easy to use but it will affect the overall user experience if it's in an awkward colour or an outdated design. Likewise, a home design that looks really great but is not user-friendly (impractical, e.g. needs high maintenance) may bring on unnecessary frustration and, in the long run, poor user experience.

Other than function and form, below are the things that I'll be looking out for, in the design of my new home. Many of them stem from the lessons that I've learnt, through the hard way from the renovations of my first home. Ain't gonna make the same mistakes again. Hope they'll be useful to you.



1. Try to find an interior designer who has at least a basic knowledge of feng shui. There's no point living in a fantastic looking home which you feel uncomfortable in. (For my basic feng shui tips, read here.)



2. If you're doing up stark white cabinets, do them in the same material/colour and preferably from the same source. Different ones may end up 'ageing' with different tones of white which can look unsightly. This advice came from hubby's friend who regretted mixing build in white cabinets with loose, store-bought white cabinets. If he had known, he would choose to build all his white cabinets from the same source.


3. Do up the window grilles before you move in! If you are space-starved with no gardens or balconies, the window grills is the perfect place to occasionally air and sun your pillows or stuffed toys. More importantly, installing the window grills will take away the fear that your child may accidentally fall off the window. In Singapore, where most of the people live in high-rise buildings, there are news of kids falling to their death from their flat almost every year. This is a serious matter. If you haven't done it, do it NOW. Better be late than be sorry.

4. If you are a clean freak like me, make sure the design and products are easy to clean and maintain. Avoid hard-to-reach nooks and crannies, easily-stained materials and other homewares that needs frequent hands-on care. For this, I will not be installing doors with carvings. And I'm also not going to buy tables with grooves or gaps - especially for the dining table. Can't imagine removing food debris from the grooves after every meal.

It's a chore to clean the dust off these door grooves all the time.
Both front and back!

5. Finding the local interior design scene getting predictable and common? Can't seem to find the exact design theme that you want?

For interior inspirations, check out the home designs from other countries, especially those with similar home size. For land-scarce Singapore, we can look to our counterparts in Hong Kong and Japan and even Taiwan for some fresh ideas. Check them out either through online interior design websites (Hey! Cheese photography, super love the gorgeous homes in this Taiwan website), online magazine (try ISSUU.com), new condominium launches, or even hotel booking websites e.g. agoda.com or booking.com. Yes, I am crazy like this ;) . Note: check out kid's theme park hotels for kid's room design ideas. And get snapshots of design photos that you love and show them to your interior designer or contractor in due course.



6. Decide on the main colours that you'll be using for your entire home (usually 3 main colours). If the colours are uncoordinated, it can look very messy and the occupants may not feel at ease. Remember to ask yourself, "Can I live with this every single day?"



7. Do not build an opened walk-in wardrobe near the entrance of the bathroom. The moisture from the bathroom will turn your clothes mouldy and smelly and no amount of moisture absorber works. Get them closed up with doors or build them in another room. I will definitely not build a walk-in wardrobe again because the opened shelves get so dusty everyday. I do not want to clean my wardrobe all the time. They are supposed to serve me, not the other way round.



8. Stick floor paddings to legs of movable furniture to reduce dragging and to protect both the furniture and the floorings while doing housework. Your neighbour downstairs and upstairs will thank you for being considerate too.



9. If you can't decide on a design theme, keep the house design minimal and stick to neutral colours first. You can always spruce it up to your favourite theme with changeable and add-on items like pillows, curtains, furniture, paintings, pictures and other decorative homewares.



10. Never ever construct aircon pipes underneath a built-in wooden platform or structure. The condensation of the pipings will create an enclosed niche area for termites to thrive (wood + moisture = termites. Learnt this the hard way). Also, build the aircon pipings near the ceilings as opposed to near the floor as they directly take up floor space! A great bane for the already space-starved flats.



11. A sequel to the previous point (see no. 11): I will not use any laminate flooring again. The good thing about laminates which I did for my bedroom flooring and platform bed is that it is cosy, comfortable and quite cheap. But as years passed, they started to warp/expand/contract in all places and has created lots of unevenness and gaps. It's also tiring to keep the surface dry at all times - not easy with kids, on rainy days and when mopping the floor. It's so tiring! Feels like I'm servicing the floor all the time. Not worth it. More so, I don't want to meet anymore flying termites ever again!

My headaches...
Above: Cheap and ugly link between laminates and tiles.
Below: Gaps of skirtings that termites can live in.

12. Do not place your computer screens directly opposite windows. It'll reflect the sunlight from the windows and cause a distracting glare.




13. I will not use pebbles in my house ever again. They are difficult to clean - I have to spray-wash, and the stones fall out all the time. They also attracted a lot of insects. I did it for the bathroom floor and it attracted hundreds of tiny insects within days and I have to remove and redo the whole flooring immediately!




14. I will not want a balcony again. I enjoyed it for the first few years but later, when all the cleaning took its toll on my blistering hands, I begin to find it a real hassle to clean the balcony floor, its furniture, and the full height glass sliding doors. You can consider if you have a maid.

Before you countersign on the final blueprint of your home renovation, take a step back and visualise you and your family members actually living in the new home. What do you all usually do together at home? What are some of your more prominent habits or lifestyle? Do you have a collection of things that need proper storage? E.g. Bags, shoes, hats, camera equipments, or toys? And based on these, have you fully utilised each precious room that you have? If you have pets, where will they hang out/eat/sleep? If your family loves reading, is there a cosy place to do just that? Or is there at least an area that you can house the family's book collection?

"In the end, we should create a house that fits our lifestyle and works for us. Not the other way round."

Basic Feng Shui and Other Tips For Your Home

During my younger days, I used to read books on feng shui. It was one of my mom's favourite reads during her pastime. So there were lots of feng shui books for me to pore through. Fast forward 20 years, I am now waiting for my second matrimonial home to be ready by 2017 and will be incorporating some feng shui elements into the design of my new home.

Take note that I apply feng shui basics not so much for superstitious reasons but solely for my family members to live happily (by living in harmony) with the surroundings and environment. In fact, I sieve out the ones that don't suit our individual likes, dislikes and personalities. For example, if they say placing a mirror in the dining room brings prosperity but I know that Jovie is going to throw his toys/balls all over the house, then I wouldn't do it for safety reasons. And so, I only pick those that I feel is good for everyone.

Here's a list of basic feng shui and other home design tips/rules that I like to stick to. Bear in mind that my list applies largely to high-rise apartments and the HDB flats.

Singapore's view from Pinnacle @ Duxton

1. Do not buy the unit at the end of the corridor. It's just not accessible. Unless you enjoy passing by your neighbours' doors and their shoes and laundry (both a taboo), bicycle, plants or other corridor clutter, and greeting your neighbours every single time you head out or return home. For my son, he absolutely loves the attention of the neighbours. It's like his red carpet walk :)

2. Avoid U-shaped layouts. Having been living in such a building for the past 10 years myself, I noticed noise and air tends to travel up this 'tunnel' or 'chimney'. So, for so many years, I could hear my downstairs neighbour talking, showering, washing dishes, scolding children, etc. And whenever they cook, I have to close my windows to deter the smells. For this, I insist that my new home doesn't have such layout. You can leave this rule out if you don't mind hearing your neighbours talking or you don't mind your neighbours overhearing your daily conversations with your spouse or child. 

3. Do not buy units that directly face each other. Especially so if the doors are very near each other. According to feng shui, neighbours with doors facing each other tends to quarrel with each other. This may not happen to everybody but it's better to be safe than sorry. 

4. Buy homes with North or South facing windows. This is due to two factors. Number one, this is to avoid the sunlight shining into your home from the East (sunrise) and West (sunset) especially in our hot and humid Singapore. Number two, this is a good facing to take in the natural wind, specifically in Singapore. In the cooler months (November to March) the wind blows mainly from the NorthEast. During the hotter months (April to October) wind blows mainly from the SouthWest. If you are an air-con person, this second factor doesn't apply to you. 

My current home has bedroom windows facing north. During the cooler months, when the northerly winds blow, it can get as cold as 23 degrees celsius, partly due to the mass forest in the northern area. But during the hot months, the house becomes a furnace with almost no wind, as there are no south facing windows in my house to catch the summer southerly winds.


But come 2017, all my bedroom windows in my new home faces south. So I'm expecting my home to be very windy from April to October during the hotter months and little wind during the cooler months, which I absolutely don't mind. Nothing beats a home that is cool in summer and warm in winter. 

5. Give 3 storey allowance if you want unblocked view and wind. To get an unblocked view, check out the highest level of the opposite building and add at least 3 storeys to cater for any roofing features.




6. Avoid units which directly face main roads, highways, and train tracks. The endless stream of traffic noise and pollution makes a very stressful and unpleasant environment. At least be at a good distance away from them.




7. Placement of stove, bed and study table. Just remember: When you are cooking, sleeping, or studying, DO NOT have your back directly facing the entryway. If space permits, avoid placing them in line with the door. For me, this is solely for the purpose of avoiding getting a shock if someone comes up from behind you.




8. Have a clutter-free entrance. Nothing beats returning to a clean and spacious doorstep each time I return home. If you like, you can place some thriving plants or homely decorations or you can simply keep it clear and neat - whichever way makes you happy.

One thing I regret doing for my first home was to heed the classic feng shui advice of building a partition between the main door and the living room windows to prevent wealth from flowing right out the window. This partition makes returning home unpleasant and awkward. Everytime I return home, I'll open the main door to a shocking floor-to-ceiling wall - which literally feels like an uninviting 'blockage'. It also makes my home feel much smaller than it is because of the division of space from a bigger one to two smaller ones. Definitely not repeating this mistake. This time, I want to return to an airy and spacious home.



Like I've mentioned in the beginning, whether or not you want to follow the feng shui tips, think through the likes, dislikes, personalities or even the lifestyle of the home occupants. Good luck to building your happy home!

Dengue Fever: Notes and Tips

Dengue fever is spread by Aedes Mosquito (above)
which also spreads zika virus (now prevalent in Brazil and
many parts of the world and is linked to birth defects, source). picture via

As of 2010, dengue fever is believed to have infected 50 to 100 million people worldwide in just a year which is a 30 fold increase from year 1960 to 2010. And this increase is believed to be due to urbanization, population growth, increased international travel and/or global warming with much of the outbreaks happening in countries near to the equator. (see more stats from source)

In Singapore, new cases emerge every month throughout the little island (see warning 'red zone' banner below). For many years, we record cases of dengue death every single year.

Dengue alert banner in Singapore. Indeed! Our lives. Our fight. picture via

This is a wake up call to everyone that all of us must do our part in order to stop the spreading of this disease. In fact, dengue is spread by a female Aedes mosquito which first bites a person infected with dengue virus and then move on to bite another healthy person, thus spreading the virus.

The most obvious thing we can do now is to stop the breeding of these virus-carrying mosquitoes. HOW? Get rid of any stagnant water in our own house and everywhere we go. And person infected should also exercise caution and prevent mosquito bites by applying insect repellant in order to prevent the further spreading of the virus.

All of us should also frequently check the usual mosquito breeding sites: Water features (ponds, fish tanks), under sinks, flower pots, vases, stuff for god offerings (e.g. cups, vases), toilet bowl and it's surroundings, pails, drainages, planter box, aircon tray, rubbish or recycling sites, construction sites, etc.

Mosquito larva in stagnant water. picture via

In addition, here are some notes and tips on the dengue issue. 

* Ultrasonic pest repeller works to a certain extend, as confirmed by a pest control services provider. It gives out ultrasonic sound waves in certain frequencies that are unbearable to pests which effectively drive them away. You can safely place it near your children's sleeping and study area. This beats applying insect repellent onto them especially while they're sleeping. I've used this for years already. So far no mosquito bites. One deterring factor may be that I currently stay on the 15th floor which, due to their limited flying range in altitude, should have fewer mosquitoes. But.... read the next point below.

* Although mosquitoes are said to fly up to a maximum of 3 to 4 floors of a building, under normal circumstances, they can actually follow you into the lifts, onto planes, be swept up by strong winds and be able to reach any height. Of course, if there is stagnant water suitable for breeding, even at a high level, they'll have a chance of breeding and subsequently, spreading the virus.

* If you have a pond or a pot of water plants, make sure the water is not stagnant. There must be sound and movement created by, say, water pumps, for instance. Otherwise, putting fishes that feeds on mosquito larvae can be an alternative. Bear in mind though, not all fishes feed on larvae. Guppy is a good choice, I was told. Koi, not so much. But, nothing is 100% sure here. To be safe, and especially if you hardly have the time to check for mosquito larvae in your home water features, just do not install or set them up. It is not worth yours or any of your family member's life, right?

* To further prevent the breeding of Aedes mosquitoes, check all your home pipings for any leakage, close all windows and toilet seats properly, and pour away all bodies of stagnant water if you are going on a vacation and will not be home for extended periods. You wouldn't want to return home and receive the news of your neighbours down with dengue, because your house is breeding Aedes mosquitoes while you were out of town. Remember, holiday responsibly!

Essential Notes From a Stay-Home Mom

My 2 year old's hands at the A&E, midnight.
Note that the bones are not joined up yet.

I crushed my son's fingers. Refer to the above picture. As I close the metal storeroom door, he slid his fingers into the door hinge and so they were flattened out! I thought he's going to lose his fingers forever. Luckily, doctor say a 2 year old's hand is not fully formed so their bones are technically not joined up yet [see x-ray], so it's OK! My point here is: Moms, before you freak out or faint at your child's illness or accidents, check with the doctor first. In any case, I am sure there'll be a course of treatment that the doctors will recommend. Your child needs your support the most right now, so don't crumble. Stay strong, breathe in deeply, and don't give up. 

Stay-home moms work from dusk till dawn, all day, 365 days a year, without any pay, rest days, unless you faint, vomit, or collapse at the point of exhaustion. With the endless domestic cycle, you can get worn-out and yet feel unsuccessful everyday.

The best thing you can do is to have a schedule. Example:

Monday: Wash bed-sheets day
Tuesday: Laundry and iron (clothes and towels)
Wednesday: Run errands and playground (get out of that door to keep your sanity!)
Thursday: Quiet relax day (reading, home play, painting)
Fridays: Laundry and iron, plus buying groceries (food and supplies for Saturday and Sunday)
Saturday: Family day/outings (get out of that door again!)
Sunday: Family outings which ends with buying groceries (food and supplies for Mon to Fri)

All the illness and accidents of my child (compilation)

HFMD [Hand, foot and mouth disease] - with no obvious symptoms. Just ONE tiny spot/blister inside his mouth.

Stomach flu - vomit and diarrhoea. Let the virus "run its course" with doctor's medicine. Drink water to prevent dehydration. It is impossible to eat as he'll expel all the food in minutes. Do not force the child to eat if s/he is not hungry.

Ear infection with high fever lasting one month - downed antibiotics given by doctors. Watch out if your kid keeps pulling or scratching the ears - it may really be a ear infection. See doctor immediately.

Crushed fingers [see x-ray above].

Sensitive nose calmed down by persistent nose drop prescribed by doctor.

Huge insect bites - used Zam-buk cream.

Bumps/injuries/cuts from running, jumping, cycling, scooting - used Zam-buk cream.

Eczema - used Neoderm prescribed by doctors.

Fever of 38 to 41 degrees celsius lasting 5 days. See doctor immediately.

Tiny toys stuck up in his nostrils causing bleeding. We told him to blow out the toy real hard. Get medical help if you're unsure!

I cannot imagine my child going through all this alone. Especially with those virus with a vengeance!

I stay sane with 30 min pre-dawn brisk walks in the open park to "clear my mind" before the insaneness of a new day begins. So, when my hubby and son are still asleep, I'll sneak out of the house quietly at 5 or 6 am. This is my precious me time where I get to exercise in peace and sort of meditate or have a quiet moment. It's truly liberating. This is my much-needed sense of freedom before the daily 'chaos' begins.

Now that my child has finally attended pre-school, I feel that I can finally breathe easier. I also have more energy to laugh nowadays.

Being with my child 24/7 made me realise that there is really no obvious 'first words' or 'first steps'. They are actually gradual. You would figure out whether your child has really, truly spoken his/her first words or taken the first steps after a few tries.

Don't lose yourself completely. Resume the activities that you used to engage in prior to the arrival of your child. 

You probably have to be constantly cooped up in the house within the 4 walls, distancing yourself from the outside world. Reconnect with the world occasionally by getting out of the house. The park downstairs also counts!

Keep yourself abreast with what's happening out there even if you're mostly at home. E.g. When I have time, I'll watch the morning news while having my breakfast and also keep myself informed of the events in the world by reading online news, magazines and books.

Buy diapers, wet wipes, toilet paper and tissue paper in bulk so that you don't have to buy them all the time. I'm buying 2 to 3 big packs of diapers, toilet papers and tissue papers recently and I think it has made life breezier. They definitely don't get expired as fast as food or other perishable items which you may have to buy every 2 to 3 days to have them fresh. And you get to have the bulky items 'done with' perhaps only once every 2 months which saves you lots of hassle. 

You have to be more prudent in your spending given that there's a considerable amount of monthly income (yours) that is no longer there. 

Domestic duties can never be completely completed. If your back or ankles are giving way, rest!




Don't let gossips, criticisms and unkind remarks put you down. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, someone will still find fault. They are not you, they do not know what you went through, and they DO NOT need to be told what you went though. Just be sure that what you are doing is acceptable and right for you. Remember this always: it is impossible to please every single person in the world! Just smile, nod, and walk away.

Parenthood is a lifetime job. It's a tiring yet fulfilling process. You might dread every moment of your struggle but when you see the smile on your little one's face, you'll think that everything is ABSOLUTELY worth it. The love and undivided attention that you give them is priceless!

Try to lead by example. Not by rank, age, or threat (idea from Confucius). Remember, kids don't really listen to you (and your scoldings), they observe you! (idea from Sadhguru). So, if you expect them to drink more water, you drink it too. If you expect them to eat their greens, you have to eat them too.

Keep loose or unwanted papers, brochures, boxes, newspapers, safe paint, colour pencils, crayons, cardboard or magazines for impromptu art and crafts sessions - come in handy if you want your peaceful 5 mins bathroom trip!  

Make kids happy! I mean, not with expensive toys or outings. But just make them laugh heartily with simple activities like running around, swimming, or even doing simple housework together. Your companion should be their greatest joy. Trust me, they'll remember it for life and even carry that joyfulness throughout their lives. You may have just brightened up someone's life forever.

Now that my child and I survived the past 5 years, we're so much happier. We're really at the end of the tunnel. Recently, on alternate nights, I can finally have a taste of what it's like to have 5 hours of unbroken sleep. For an insomniac like me, this make me wake up feeling so refreshed! I had even changed my Pinterest file title from Mothering to Joys of Mothering. More so, my child has been free from any illness for the past six months - the longest healthy window period that I can remember.



Bad times will pass, surely. Even if it doesn't, you'll get used to it one day. Maybe things are not as depressing as you made it out to be. Remember, things REALLY could be worse. (Thank goodness my son isn't down with a chronic illness or something.) So, just look forward. Do something useful for someone. Bring your child to the playground or buy a small gift for someone special - anything positive.

Not So Tai Tai After All: Life of a SAHM

Hello folks! With 5 full years of stay-home experience, let me share with you what my typical day would be like. If you want to know what it's really like to be a stay-home parent, then you're reading the right article. Bear in mind though, that I have a hyperactive child, and no domestic helpers.

As much as I wanted to, and contrary to what my friends imagined it to be, I wasn't living a tai tai life by any measure - far from that! I would have been a full-fledged tai tai if I've had 2 domestic helpers (one to tend to baby and another to do housework) and lots of spare time and cash to spend throughout the day (shopping, spas and all). 

Now, let's get to it.

Life as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom)

YOU ARE ON AN ENDLESS MARATHON WITH NO PITSTOPS: You will either need to go super fast or go through periods of super slowness but you have to be constantly in 'on' mode with hardly any quality rest in between.

Think 5 mins bath, 5 mins to gobble up your meal and then spend the next one hour feeding your 3-year-old child one small bowl of food and another hour and a half waiting praying for him to fall asleep.

If you have no helpers, then you'll be on the domestic "rat race". The laundry is piling up continuously, there's a heap of wrinkled clothes waiting to be ironed, the toilets needs to be washed down as it's beginning to stink, and the child is crying again because of hunger, boredom, physical discomfort, or for no obvious reasons. And everything else is constantly running out: toilet papers, diapers, milk, bread, egg, coffee and tea. And while you are up to your neck with house chores, your child and hubby (goodness sake!) is constantly in slow or off mode. 

The fridge is empty (except for chocolates and ice-cream), and your stomach is empty too. Your breakfast has long turned rancid and is still lying on the breakfast table. Noon is approaching and you wonder where to find produce to dish out something for lunch. 

Now, you even find doing the basics like drinking water and going to the bathroom such a nuisance. The best part is that you've forgotten whether you've had your bath or had brushed your teeth. You try to think back but you simply can't recall. And when was the last time you really looked at yourself in the mirror?

If hubby is not home, then your child will demand that you look at something mundane on the floor e.g. a strand of hair, and discuss at length about whose hair is it. Or he'll clamour at you to watch him wear a hat for the 11th time and tell him that he is handsome. Sometimes, he'll suddenly start to whine and cry because he didn't get 3 stars for whatever game that he is playing on the ipad.

When it's finally time for pre-school (2 hours only, cheapest yet most valuable service), you'll simply wish to totally 'switch off' for a while but no, you ended up running an errand, market for groceries, or preparing for your child's comeback and constantly checking the time (like an ant on a hotpot) for 2 hours to be up to fetch him home in time.

Then, it's the cycle of bathing, cooking, preparing snack, feeding, washing, coaxing, scolding, playing, changing, housework, etc.

So, it is NEVERENDING. Yes, even if the child is asleep. You'll need to do the things that can't be done when he's awake e.g. washing toilets, ironing, or gobbling up your meals and visiting the bathroom yourself.  In fact, there's no such thing as days off, weekends, or sick leave. There's no one to take over your child when you are down or away. You just have to grit on. 

At night, you don't really get to fully fall asleep. He'll wake up due to hunger, wet bed, nightmares, or because he wants to play his new toy or practise his newfound skills like jumping and talking, all of that before he decides to fall back to sleep. Therefore, at 3 to 4 am in the wee hours of the morning, he left you wide awake, ready for a brand new day with just a pathetic 2 to 3 hours of sleep.

By afternoon, you're still rushing to complete your endless chores and praying hard that your baby can have a 15 min nap so that you can have a rest.

Actually, for the rest of the day, you can't really do anything else (not even read one full page of the papers) as the child will be asking endless questions, making endless requests, and hovering around, under, or over you -  all that just to get your undivided attention. 

Or else, he'll be constantly getting into some sort of danger, mess, damage, or filth, if left alone, even for just a few minutes.  

On hubby's day off, you'll plan to go marketing in peace. Without the child in tow, you won't have to keep your eyes peeled on your child who is constantly in accident mode, scream at him or play catch-me-if-you-can if he decides to sprint off and disappear. To date, he's been missing for more than 10 times! Goodness. Thankfully, every time you managed to get him back from kind strangers and service counter staffs. You'll even find the following announcement familiar already.

Attention all shoppers, we have a 3 year old boy here wearing red shirt and blue jeans,... will the parents please pick him up at the counter on level 2, thank you.

[Aside: Every time I hear this, or when I found my child, I'll let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank goodness he is still alive. Once, he went missing in the zoo, near the tiger's den! Hubby and I almost freaked out. We searched frantically up and down the same tracks screaming for him for the next 40 mins. What if he manages to get inside the tiger's den? What if someone takes him away and I'll never see him again? A dreadful emotion overcame me. It was the worse feeling ever. I could feel my legs going weak and I almost couldn't breathe anymore. I was almost going to faint. Thankfully, we found him loitering at another spot, chatting with a little girl, oblivious to the fact that he is 'missing'. It was then that I realised the saddest thing that can ever happen to any parent is to lose their child.  #thingsthatmychildputsmethrough

Now back to the supermarket. So, with hubby tending to your child at home, you did your marketing in pure peace and pick up the freshest produce for the family. You were grateful that your hubby is babysitting the child - until you reach home. You open the main door to a quiet home. You thought all's well and in place until you turn around the corner to this shocking sight: right there, toys and whatnots strewn all over the bedroom floor, with a stinky, sweaty baby sleeping ON TOP of the bookshelf, and with your hubby happily glued to his whatever gadget saying: "Hey, you're back! Jovie finished his lunch and is sleeping already! The dishes are undone though" Like they say, a woman has never gone through real marriage until she has felt like killing her husband.

So, the conclusion is...

Being a SAHM is really like running an endless marathon, where you'll alternate between going super fast or super slow, with hardly any quality rest and literally no end in sight. But nothing can replace the close bond between you, your child, and your husband that is build over time with your unrelenting love and undivided attention.

In between, I did work as a full-time working mom for the first three months of my baby's life. So, for your comparison, here's the summary of my short-term FTWM life, without a domestic helper.

Life as a FTWM (full-time-working-mom)

YOU ARE ON A SPRINT WITH PITSTOPS TO REST: You need to be on fast speed all over the place but you can have quality rests in between.

Working moms run the corporate "rat race". You wake up early in the morning at about the same time everyday for work. You're probably well-rested as you may have given the duty of child-minding to someone else while you have your beauty sleep (sometimes my MIL helped). Then you rush your child and husband to school or work and then rush to work yourself.

You reach your workplace finally and maybe you relax a bit, have a quick but peaceful breakfast, and chat to your co-workers merrily before diving into your sea of work.

And you work and work throughout the day. Busy, busy! Then, when it's time to knock off, it's time to rush everyone home and prepare/buy dinner. On the way, you pick up some groceries or other essentials and quickly head home. 

After getting everyone to finish their dinner, you probably have to clear the dishes, the laundry, and do some house chores. You even have to run through your child's schoolwork, spelling or dictation (hubby really knows when to disappear), and feed them medicine or milk. Then you double checked the dates of birthday parties, parent-teacher meetings, enrichment classes and appointment dates of your child's next vaccination or doctor visit. You have to hold everything in place and not let anything run amok. 

You are practically running all over the place (work, supermarket, mall, home, school, doctor's, personal errands), truly juggling both your career and family at one time. This is why you have to do things very fast and accurate. You also have multi-faceted roles to play and more people to deal with. 

But usually you get to eat and sleep in peace. You can have weekends and rest days truly to yourself so it's not rare that you get to have your own quality time to dine, shop and relax without the worries of family duties. And the best thing is that you not only get to build your career, you've also got your own paycheck to spend. This screams independence!

Well, sometimes you do get torn between your career and family. When you are happily building your career, you feel guilty for not spending enough time with your child and missing out on his life. But as you get home, your whining child renders you to return back to work as soon as the weekend is over. #TGIM

Occasionally, you also worry that you did not put in as much effort and time into your work compared to your co-workers which may eventually cost you that promotion that you may have been working hard for all these years. 

In any case, work is definitely stressful (or it wouldn't be called 'work' but 'play' instead). Thankfully, you may not have to rush home every single night after work so you get to meet up with friends for a chat, pedicure, facial, shopping spree or fancy dinner. And that's quality 'me' time. 

So, the conclusion is...

Being a FTWM is like running short sprints (between work and family duties) with pitstops in between to rest. You love your work, but you love your family even more!

The Debate:

FTWM VS SAHM. Which is better?

If you are a full-time working mom you will be able to afford to buy your children the more expensive toys, send them to a better school, or take them to the more exotic holiday destinations. If you are a full-time stay home mom, you will be able to shower your children with your undivided love, attention and guidance.  

As long as you know you are benefitting your child and enhancing their lives, there's no need to doubt whether you've made the right choice. In fact, there is no "right choice". There is only the "best choice" according to your family's unique situation at that point in time.  

Things To Do With My Spouse

No doubt, all couples have to go through their fair share of both sweet and bitter moments. But in the first place, isn't it wonderful to be able to find someone whom you could potentially spent the rest of your life with? I mean, what are the chances of finding reciprocal love and friendship? We should be grateful if we ever find it. So why don't we celebrate such blessings further by doing something memorable together? It would be really sweet to chat about it 20 years down the road. Here are the things that my hubby and I have done or is considering to do as a couple.

CLIMB A MOUNTAIN

Well, the highest 'mountain' in Singapore is our 163 metres tall Bukit Timah Hill. We will climb it once in a while. We'll egg each other on and stop to rest or have a drink if one of us need to. 'Conquering' a summit together just brings us closer and strengthens our camaraderie.



CYCLE AROUND TOWN
When we were younger, in our 20s (I'm in my 30s and he's hit 40 already), we could spend our weekend mornings cycling leisurely around town, stopping by makeshift stalls selling whatnots and visiting quaint shops. We even learnt little things about each other that could've been left unknown. Like he used to collect certain things and that I am a more agile cyclist than him.

EXPLORE YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD OR NEIGHBOURING COUNTRIES

If you have limited time for an extended vacation but still crying out for one, consider going nearby areas. For Singaporeans, if you live in the west, you can visit the northern or eastern part of the Singapore island. A pleasant surprise may be lurking in somewhere for you. Or you can have a short getaway in the neighbouring countries like Malaysia and Indonesia. Hubby and I used to travel to many parts of Malaysia by car. Having survived the sight of each other for about 10 hours car ride [to Cameron Highlands] is a testament that our marriage can go far. It meant that we are willing, as a couple, to resolve our differences - subtle or large.




EXPLORE THE NATURE
Visit local nature reserves, parks, rivers, gardens, forest, or take a boat ride to an off-shore island [e.g. St. John, Pulau Ubin, Kusu Island]. Priceless memories. I didn't know I can be so scared of large spiders and that hubby loves being near a river. In fact, he is now an avid nature photographer.




GO FREE AND EASY
If you are done with somewhat artificially-molded and time-fixed vacation with group tours, why not go for a free and easy tour and plan the itinerary yourself? You know you wouldn't want to visit another tea plantation or an uninteresting jewellery factory. And at certain places, you just want to stay longer or even want to leave earlier but unfortunately, it is necessary to wait for the whole tour group to get ready to move on. And sometimes, you simply just want to go back to the hotel to freshen up or catch a catnap.

With free and easy vacation, you will indeed have the freedom to do anything as and when you desire. For example, you can spend the whole morning at one place, relaxing and soaking in the local culture and atmosphere. You can even plan a little surprise for that anniversary or birthday. For a change, be a traveller, not a tourist.





BUY A NICHE TOGETHER
I mean those niches in columbarium where your urns will be stored after you pass away. Creepily romantic but, hey, everyone has to die one day right? There's really nothing to be afraid of. Natural death just means that your body has reached its expiry date (through wear and tear) and it's time to get a new one (reborn). And there's a saying that if your ashes are placed together, there's a higher chance that you'll meet each other again. Sounds superstitious, but no harm trying.




HIT THE BEACH ON NEW YEAR'S EVE NIGHT
When the clock strikes 12 on a New Year's Day, the ships out in the sea will release their SOS flare to mark the New Year. In Singapore, you'll see the sea lighting up in gentle red flares fired by the ships parked along the East Coast Beach. It'll be a much more lovely way to welcome the New Year as compared to the thundering fireworks with ear-splitting music. [think: a relaxing, quiet time sitting along the peaceful beach looking out into the night sea nibbling pastries and sipping hot chocolate]. But we may see less and less of this as it is unlawful to fire distress flares (expired ones) other than to call for real help.

Ship's flare released on New Year's Day. Sorry for the blur image but it was a really romantic night.

GO CLUBBING TOGETHER
At least once, hit the disco pubs together and watch each other's dance moves. Get ready to either fall in love again if he's got the moves or totally laugh out loud if he dances comically. It'll be an unforgettable night.




EAT OUT
Radar for restaurants that serve special cuisine and try them out together (e.g. South Indian, Arab, Vegetarian). Have joy in finding out each other's likes and dislikes in terms of taste.





WRITE DOWN LISTS TOGETHER
Write down a dream list together, side-by-side, on a piece of paper. Go through them, talk about them and fulfil them together. Or you can write down what both of you like about each other and talk about your feelings with each other. That day, I found the dream list that we wrote 5 years ago and we had an intimate time ticking off the list, planning which ones we should drop and how to go about the unfulfilled ones. One of the dreams is to have a child. And we did it!