Activities for Father and Son Bonding: For 3 to 5 Year Olds

At the Singapore Botanic Gardens
PS: Our first time witnessing ducks in a row - live! It really happens! Not only in storybooks.

It's the final month of the year again. A good time to review the year. They say you'll regret it if you do not spent enough time with your children while they're still young. Simply because they'll grow up and you cannot turn them back into little cubs ever again. And you'll miss those moments forever...

So, have the daddy and son been out together frequently this year? Perhaps this is a good time for some catch-up time especially if daddy is taking a long break. Here are the activities that my hubby and son did together. Hope you'll find these ideas inspiring. Enjoy your parenting moments!

• Do homework together. Try out how it feels to actually teach the kids how to read, write and do real homework. Daddy, if you think that tutoring a preschool kid is easy-peasy, think again.

• Play X-box: Play golf, shoot darts, kick balls or ride on the waves. All in the total comfort of your home. Super fun!

• An elaborated, leisure meal in the mall - with no nagging from the mom required since there's no clean up to do. [That's why I enjoy this very much]

• Cycling, scooting or head to the playground in the neighbourhood park. [I found some amazing neighborhood playground here. There's even one with a trampoline!]

• Visit fish/animal/vegetable farms and share the most sinful ice-cream. [We like the mostly-sheltered Qian Hu Fish Farm]

• Go overseas, take a cruise, have a staycation or experience a local farm stay.

• Visit libraries, kid's museum, science centre, zoos, kids' exhibitions, or just watch a kid's movie together in the cinema or at home. 

• Water play: Beach, swimming pool, water play zone at shopping malls or parks. Yes, daddies should get as wet as their little ones. 

• Visit nature reserves like forests and rivers for a picnic, walk about, catch insects, watch wildlife and take photos. 

• This is a classic: Read a book, at bedtime, in bed, right before dozing off to slumber land - together. As with many happily-ever-after stories, the day ends perfectly this way. If the boys are not bookish, they can play a round or two of any relaxing game (e.g. Candy Crush) just before bed. Either way, it's a great way to bond before bed.

Below are some captured daddy-son moments.

Fire Station Open House. Opened every Saturday morning.

Splashing good time!

At the River Safari (river-themed wildlife park).
Jovie just reached the min. height of 1.06m for this Amazon boat ride! So lucky :)

Amazon Flooded Forest

My painting of Hubby and Son (paint by numbers) where they spend their afternoons at the river in Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve [SBWR]. 

Note: SBWR is not only a smoke-free park, it's also wheelchair-accessible. I love! Meaning, not only the wheelchair bound folks can enjoy the greenery, it's also pram-accessible - no trouble at all even if the kids get too tired/lazy to walk or fall peacefully asleep in the wilderness. Remember to wear mosquito patches.

At the President's Homeground with extended family. The Istana's Open House.

See that red flag? It means Mr President is in the House.

Festive exhibitions, musical performances and market stalls selling food, beverages, popcorns and balloons awaits us! There are even bouncing castles!  

Hiking to the Singapore Quarry. Accessible via Dairy Farm Nature Park.

Singapore Quarry is actually just next to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve where you can hike to the summit of Bukit Timah Hill. But I find it unsuitable for kids below 5 as some parts are too steep to climb. Recently, it's undergoing restoration works though. So check them out before heading there to avoid disappointment.

If not, you can try the nearby Bukit Batok Nature Park just across the road to the southwest. There's a quarry there too with a few sand-filled playgrounds. Nearby toilets are available also.

Bukit Timah Hiking Trail

At the Singapore Discovery Centre (SDC). Free Admission and special movies for S'poreans and PR. Minimal fee for others.

On top of the Rocket Tower. Indulge in the tranquility of the vast nature at the Upper Seletar Reservoir Park.

Kite flying at the Marina Barrage

We can fly!

The Importance Of Reading To Your Child

An endearing note from the National Library Board to share with parents of young children. Please read with love.

... Reading and listening to stories are immensely rewarding activities, both emotionally and intellectually.

When we read to our children, we are sending them a message of love:

"I love you and give you one of the most valuable gifts I have - my time and uncompromising attention. I want to make you happy and have the pleasure and joy of my companionship and love."

As our little ones sit on our laps and snuggle up to us, the physical closeness bonds us emotionally, allowing us to embrace the excitement of listening to a story and reading a book together. 

It does not matter whether you are reading from a book, a tablet or a wall poster, as long as you read it with all your heart and 100% attention.

My one-year-old botak. #TBT (A Throwback Thursday, may I?)

Essential Notes for First-time Parents

Pic from Mount Alvernia magazine

Dear all, after 5 years worth of first-hand, stay-home parental experience, may I present to you, the essential notes for all first-time parents, mommies and daddies alike. 

These are random parental notes and tips from myself and anywhere that feeds me information. 'Anywhere' means: family, friends, neighbours, newspapers, books, magazines, radio, TV, internet, conversations from strangers - everywhere! This includes tips that I'd wished someone told me earlier. Hope you'll find them helpful as you go through your daily child-rearing routine.

1. Re-prioritise what truly matters, now that things have changed (there's a new member in the house). Do not sweat about the things that are not so important now e.g. keeping the house in 'showroom' condition. It is tempting to leave a good impression for home visitors but those who are parents themselves should understand that it is not easy to keep the house neat all the time with kids.


And life, as you know it, will never be the same again with a newborn. The morning coffee and news, the romantic dates, elaborated dinners and overseas vacation will not happen anymore. At least, not in the near future. But rest assured, when things mellow out, and with good planning, you can always return to your favourite things.

2. Have a handy camera (a proper camera phone counts. I used my trusty ipod touch 5) and take pictures or videos of precious moments with your baby and you together. Sometimes, you only have one chance to capture certain moments, say, the first time your baby pulls to a stand or the first time you see your baby walking the very first steps. But do not do it excessively. Have a reasonable target, say, 5 photos and a video a day or a week, depending on how much time, energy, and helping hands you have. Spouse can chip in too.


PS: Do you know that you can actually take screenshots (meaning, take photos), from the video you've taken on your ipod/ipad/iphone? I find this very helpful in capturing natural moments instead of deliberately freezed moments. This is Context vs Content. I prefer capturing the event or a beautiful moment (context: e.g. my son feeding the birds happily with the feelings/emotions and interaction and environment [wind, fresh air] all inclusive) rather than just what's in the photos (contents: the birds and my son). 


In addition, it's hard to freeze babies and active kids for a proper photo too. To counter that, I would take a video of my son mingling with the birds in the garden first, and then much later, in my free time I will create photos out of this video clip. 


Firstly, in the video's pause mode, I'll screen through the video using the video slider. Then, I'll choose the perfect and clear shot and take a screenshot/photo (press the on/off button and the main circular button at the same time to take a photo. Don't forget to tap off the time and slider indicators on the screen - you are taking a real photo here). 


In this way, I can capture the 'perfect' moment, for example, where the birds were just flying off and my son smiling happily. If it's no good, I'll screen the video again until I get the best shot. I find photos captured this way very beautiful. And you'll hardly miss a moment. In short: You take videos first. Worry about the photos later. The main downside of this is that you have to have ample disk space for the large video files of course. 

3. One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to plan your sleeping time very well. Especially so if you are a light sleeper and prone to insomnia like me. I just can't doze off as and when I desire, like my hubby! If you have enough proper sleep, (even a 3- or 4-hour unbroken power nap counts) you'll have the energy to carry out your parental duties and better enjoy your newly-minted parenthood.

4. Exercise in the morning before baby (and the whole family, and the whole world) wakes up and feel energised for the rest of the day. You can even plan out the things to do for the day or mentally sort out some daily issues while you're jogging. This is a short period of precious, private, and peaceful alone time that you may need everyday. It's somewhat like a morning meditation before the rush hour.

Catch the morning fresh, peaceful air everyday!

5. Allocate a drawer for your little one in the house and fill it with baby-friendly stuff like baby utensils (cups, bowls), teething toys, soft toys or books. My child has one drawer in the kitchen which keeps him occupied while I prepare some light meal. Note: remember to childproof the rest of the drawers especially those with knives and scissors. You can show your child his/her drawer (I said, Jovie, look! This is your drawer! And those are mommys' drawers, do not open those ok?) and hopefully s/he'll leave the other drawers alone. Jovie also has another drawer in the living room to occupy his time so that I can get 10 minutes of undisturbed breakfast. 

A satisfied tot is the one with a kitchen drawer.

6. Do you have packets of new and unused nappies and don't know what to do with them? You may be surprised that nappies can actually do much more than containing pee and poo. I find them useful in the following instances.

• Used as a cushion/pillow in seats, beddings and prams to hold up baby or protect baby from hard surfaces. Just fold them till they're thick and cushiony. 
• An extra and makeshift baby wrap, 'blankie' or blanket. Especially when we're in arctic-cold air-conditioned places.
• As a towel or simply as an emergency nappy especially during overseas or for longer trips.
• Used it to wipe off excessive sweat, or spills, mess, vomits and to wipe off accidental pees and poos. 

7. When baby has just started out on solid foods try to buy organic fruits and vegetables as much as you can. It's for the developmental health.

8. I started to feed my thin and frail boy 2 teaspoon of cod liver oil every morning when he was 3 years old. And he started to gain weight steadily, sleeps and eats better, and falls sick less frequently. 

9. I'm almost on bended knees while I heralded this as my saviour. Super large-sized diapers (XXL: for 15-25kg-ers) that can hold more pee, made esp. for boys (considering their willy is on the front, so I suppose it's front-spill protected, or higher absorbency at the front area). I was on the graveyard shift where I need to change my boy's soaked diapers - oftentimes his PJs and beddings too - every single night for about 4 years... until one day, I found this on the supermarket shelf.


From that day, instead of waking up every other hour or two to check whether my baby is soaked in his own pee, I can finally (for crying out loud), FINALLY, have unbroken sleep of 3-5 hours. This change really made a huge difference to the quality of my daily life. Talk about quality sleep = quality life. All I want now is to have a proper sleep. Nothing. Else. Matters.

10. Change baby's toothbrush or teething toothbrush every 3 months or after a bad bout of illness (flu, cough, infection, etc), whichever happens first. Live bacteria, germs and viruses may reside in the brushes if they're not properly sterilized. If not, you can wash the toothbrush in hot water too.

11. Decide on a daily routine for the baby and the main caregiver. Once everyone gets into the groove, the days will be such a breeze. E.g. 7.30am: Everyone wakes up, bathe and feed baby.... 9am: morning walk followed by second feeding... and so on. Take this as a rough guide to usher you through the day smoothly. Change routine accordingly if necessary.





12. Introduce a blanket (blankie) to your baby and use it as a cue for sleeping time. It also gives the baby a sense of security with the familiar smell. Be sure to buy anti-dust trapping ones especially if your little one has a sensitive nose.





13. With baby's clothes so much smaller than normal, it's good to keep them neat and well-organized. Place clothes in their respective compartments, e.g. Outing clothes, dresses, onesies, tops, pants, skirts, clothes too big, etc. Invest in kid's hangers and some wardrobe compartments.

14. Write down the things that you have to do in a notepad. It'll give you a clearer picture of the whole situation. Do the important things first and cross out the list as you go along. Do not overwhelm yourself. Tackle one thing at a time. If you can't finish it today, continue tomorrow. Whenever I realise I have to do or buy something, I'll hurry to my notepad and write it down immediately. Then, I'll plan when to do or buy them.


Sometimes, I'll call hubby to pick something up at the supermarket on his way home if it's urgent. And during my sporadic downtime, I can refer to my notepad and probably complete some quick online errands e.g. personal banking, pay bills, order something, research about baby illness/health etc. And just before I head out the door for my market trips, I just need to tear out the consolidated grocery list on my notepad. So efficient. This saves me a lot of stress as I do not have to constantly keep in mind what is needed to be done, which can be really exhausting.


Extra tips: In a separate notebook, you can also note down all those countless passwords to the important websites that you frequent (how else do people keep track of all those passwords that one has to change frequently?) Guess what, my hubby sort of joined in the fun and noted down all his passwords (for both home and work) plus other important notes, dates, personal, insurance, doctor's, and baby's information in my notebook too. Now this notebook has become The Family Book. It is so important that I have to keep it somewhere discreet and away from the kids.





15. Delegate tasks to someone if you can. If someone needs to buy the birthday presents for the nephew, ask your hubby to pick up a toy set on the way home. If someone needs to collect the christmas cake, ask your sister or brother to do so on the way to your house. You get the picture. Don't be a superwoman all the time and do every single thing yourself. If someone offers to help, graciously accept it.





16.  Buy a walker with a cushioned bumper that'll protect your furniture from bumps and scratches. I make-do with cushioned tapes which I lined around my baby's walker (it's a free gift) so that he can bump all he wants.





17. You can buy a lot of affordable and useful kids stuff from IKEA. Furniture, bedding, clothes organisers, dining essentials (bowl, cup, fork, spoon, bib), toys and even child-proofing gadgets. You can also improvise. I bought a thick mattress protector and used to as a floor mat for my child. And I used the iconic IKEA blue carrier bag to store my child's toy. Preferably put one set or similar type of toys in one bag. And only one bag should be taken out from the storeroom at a time. I am a military mom like that.

Ikea's child-proofing gadgets

PS: All parents please be aware that blind cords can kill babies and kids! Please read this.





18. Compile what you need to buy and try to do it in one trip instead of a few to save time and trips. Buy more of the same essential stuffs if possible to save more trips.

19. Occupy your child with educational apps on gadgets if you need to focus on a quick task say, washing the dishes or answer an important call while you keep one eye on your child. After some time, skim through the games, delete old, weary ones and load new, age-appropriate ones as you deem fit.





20. Make little guidelines of your own to stay sane. Example, rest/sleep when baby is sleeping, (the laundry can wait a bit), make supermarket trips every Tuesdays and Thursdays after hubby got off from work and take over the baby so that you can buy home and personal stuff in peace and have a much needed breather from the baby-caring routine. You can even mete out some house rules like: turn all clothes outside in and zip or button up all your own clothes before putting them in the laundry bin. You know, it's all those little things that take up all your time. Setting up all these rules helped to keep me from drowning - they're like my life lines. So, go on and make your own personal rules or guidelines. This is your life. Take charge of it!




And now for a little laugh. This just gets me.

Strapping down the baby - frustrating yet funny at the same time :)

This comic brings me back so much laughter.

How To Truly Enjoy Every Moment of Your Life

They say you can learn anything from just about everyone in your life. For me, this includes my son. You see, he has this innate and immerse joy for life. Indeed, he lives up to his name Jovie, which is the shortened version of:

Joie de vivre , or the joy of living.

As kids, we are probably truly happy, without worries and all. But now, as we grow older, where did all that joy go?

For this, I actually found the answer through my boy. He simply loves being alive.

My son with his mouth agape: the tiniest and craziest boy in class.

He could be this happy throughout the day (minus his sporadic cries) and I always wonder how he did it. So, this is the ultimate question: How is he able to keep himself so happy all the time? He seems to be enjoying every moment of his life. No doubt, children do not have the responsibilities and burdens like adults do but it doesn't hurt to learn a skill or two from them about staying happy right? Perhaps you may even find back the joy that left you years ago! And so, I set out to investigate for a few months and came up with the following conclusions:

  

1. He remembers and elaborates on happy things, repeatedly. When he just turned three, he began to talk about things that he remembers. And it's not only about random things but happy things. And also, he keeps repeating them. I guess he likes to repeatedly elaborate on happy events. Example, once he repeatedly talked about a happy outing: Mommy, you remember, that day we went to the beach with papa? It's so nice, hahaha... Perhaps we can do that too by thinking about happy events in our life or go through photos of good 'ol times? So c'mon, let's reminisce. Let us indulge in our pleasant memories (instead of wasting our days in bad ones).

2. He does not dwell on sad events for long. Of course, like normal kids, he goes through his fair share of frustrations, misery and sadness but it appears that he chose to minimise them. He cries and whines but will soon revert back to his jovial self again. Sometimes, when I asked him about a toy that he couldn't buy, he'll go: Oh, nevermind, it's ok mommy.

3. He finds life pretty funny, and laughs about it. The immerse joy that radiates from within him is amazing. He's simply happy and having fun (I used to be like that and I'm trying to get that joy back!). In fact, when I joked about wanting to smack his naughty Papa's buttocks he said to smack him instead. When asked why he's sacrificing for Papa he replied: Oh haha, because you are quite funny. So my son thinks that Mommy being in an angry rage and smacking his buttocks funny?!

It's like I can almost feel his heart beating with joy. Please see x-ray of his heart ==>  {^_^}

As opposed to a heart that is beating with anger, hatred, or sadness, let us allow our hearts to beat with joy!

4. He loves everyone. When people asked him who he loved most, he didn't choose anyone. Instead, he chose everyone! As much as I hope I am the one he loves most, I actually find him loving everyone in the family very comforting. It's a little struggle for the mommy who supposedly gave her all but deeper down, I know it's good for him and it'll bring him more joy in the long run. Like the saying goes: Inclusiveness is the fundamental solution to everything.

5. He hopes that everyone is happy. When I get angry, he'll go: Mommy don't get angry, be happy! Sometimes, out of the blue, he'll ask: Mommy are you happy? And I truly think that he hopes the people around him are happy. He likes to make people laugh with his silly remarks and antics. When he sees you laughing while he swings and dances crazily, he'll do it again and again just to make you laugh. Aww... isn't that sweet. Doesn't it feel good to bring joy to the people around you? And joy is contagious right? It might even get back to you one day :)

PS: On our very first parent-teacher meeting, my son's teacher actually told me that "it is such a joy to have him in class". Gosh, I'm a proud mom already. Proud that he could bring joy to the people around him. My little rascal could grow up to be the Mr Nice Guy, perhaps?




6. He doesn't hanker after what others have. Once, he saw some of his classmates riding brand-new skate scooters to school. When his father asked him whether he wants to have one, he replied: No, mine's in NaiNai's (grandma's) place. One is enough. Although the scooter at grandma's is an old hand-me-down, he doesn't hanker for a new one. I am happy that he is able to live his own life and not live like someone else. I'm working on this one since our household income has drastically reduced. Live my own way of life and not hankering for what others may have.





7. He lives with all his heart. What I mean is: Whatever he set out to do, he'll do it with all his heart (this unfortunately includes naughty things!). And wherever he goes, he'll go with all his heart. He is simply 100% involved. You can see that through his eyes, his hands and legs twitches and butt shakes. Nuff' said.

8. Sickness doesn't take his joy away. There was once, he was terribly sick. He had a serious bout of ear infection and was ill for the entire month. Despite being in pain, high fever and all, he remained happy. I could feel his pain, fears, and tiredness but apparently, he did not equate sickness with sadness. Sickness is not equal to sadness, he decided. Perhaps I should do the same by forgetting all my bodily pains and start living life as well as I can.




9. He doesn't care how he looks like and how other thinks he looks like. Well, at least for the time being. Sometimes, are we too engrossed in or obsessed with looking good all the time that we forget the other more important matters and people in our lives? But, of course, we should at least be clean and neat.




10. He doesn't give up easily. I like this because I think he takes after me for this. Oftentimes, I can see enthusiasm and determination in full force. If he doesn't get what he wants, he'll try again and again. E.g. If he really wants to go somewhere, he'll ask again tomorrow, and tomorrow again until the parents surrender.



11. He blooms wherever he is. I can simply put him anywhere and he'll just be able to find something to enjoy doing. Is this the toddler's version of resilience? So, no matter where I bring him, he can find joy and happiness. Let us bloom wherever we are and whoever we are with.

Zambuk for joy! Sorry, it's jumping for joy.
Handyplasts and Zam-buk standby.

12. He makes friends easily. This is because he is friendly to everyone. And this is regardless of the skin/hair/eye colour, spoken language, and even age. He can be speaking to an old uncle in one instance and then blending seamlessly into a group of children who already knew each other at the next moment.





13. He enjoys everything he's doing. This may sound like a no-brainer but are we really, truly, enjoying ourselves even if we're doing our favourite stuffs? I mean, two plastic balls can keep him joyfully entertained for hours. Even walking is a tremendous joy to him.





14. He is super curious. He has this unbeatable thirst to explore and learn about things. Learn to speak, count, sing a song, press for the lift, use the escalator, wear shoe (except, he refuses to eat on his own and demands that I feed him!). I find that on a certain level, curiosity is the fundamental motivation of life. Once you lost that, you'll stop living.

Jovie thinking: What's that on the wall? I must scrape it off and see!
Mommy screaming: Jovie! Stand straight! Stop moving!

15. It's difficult to purposely make him sad or angry. He is too busy being happy, living in the moment that it's difficult to tone him down (by making him sad or angry) to talk serious business - which gets on my nerves. But still, we can learn from my son to be less easily swayed by the mean people around us. Don't let people who don't matter spoil our day or life!





16. He doesn't mind being alone. He can be alone, he enjoys his own company, and he can find joy all by himself. Of course, he likes company but he knows how to bask in solitary joy as well.



Certainly, one day, my boy's joy will subside as he grow up, especially when he enters adulthood which comes with its usual issues (study, money, relationships). But I really hope that my son and my readers out there too, can be as joyful as possible and bloom wherever you are!



Before we go, let me share this wonderful video with you. This made me laugh and then cry at my own narrow mind. I should stop keeping all that joy inside of me already. Indeed, you are what you exude, not what you withhold within yourself. [Note: Sadhguru is a spiritual master with a difference. I find him funny and is the wisest man ever. Many of his philosophies are so enchanting. I've learnt so many amazing perspectives of life through him.]

True indeed. Compared to the universe, we're merely tiny specks of temporary living being. The earth is still revolving the right direction, all your family and friends are still with you, and you are still alive, so what's there to be sad about?



And this made me come to the following realisation:

Happiness is when you can see that every moment is
The Perfect Moment.

~ Lio

My Son is Finally Five!

My firstborn...

It was just 5 years ago that I hailed my newborn baby towards the sun in glory like Simba the Lion (albeit it's for jaundice). Weighing merely 2.5kg, he's the tiniest and most helpless human being I've known. I could just hold his whole body with my one hand and arm. And all that hormonal high - I could just tear up at the sight of him. Or was it my very first experience in the beauty and miracle of life? Is he real? Is he really my son? One thing's for sure: he's a miracle of my life.

But life was literally flipped upside down even before my son arrived in that fateful year, 2010.

I thought the gruelling 9 months of pregnancy torture was the worse...

The constant acid reflux or heartburn, the all-day "morning" sickness, chronic constipation, insomnia, food cravings, painful twitches of the body (read: expanding width of pelvic bones!), a swelling body which makes you want to fall over anytime, and the draining energy which makes you feel like staying in bed all day. Can someone give me back my body, please?

... until my Jovie boy finally arrived on 8th October 2010.

The 24/7 work shift with 2- to 3- hourly round-the-clock feeds (meaning: non-existent sleep), a post-pregnancy sore body like someone just punched your whole body brutally for a hundred times, the engorged breast (pain!), protruding bladder in view below (it appears that I'd pushed too hard when giving birth!), contracting womb (pain again!), balding hair and the excruciatingly painful bathroom trips (for toileting and showering). As days rolled into nights and into days endlessly, I have barely an ounce of energy left. And with the numbing pain on the epidural spot on my spine (this lasted for at least a year!), I feel like an 80-year-old grandma with rhino legs (fats!) ready to collapse anytime.

Personally, I find that giving birth is nothing compared to the pre- and post-pregnancy experiences. It is painful but it's still bearable. Read: unplanned 'emergency' epidural (pain relief) was given only at the final moments to speed up and regulate my 'infrequent uterine contractions' which may result in a distressed baby if things drag on - I was dilating too slowly. After 10 hours and much hoo-ha, I was only 4cm dilated, not even halfway to the desired 10cm. This usually occurs to first-time moms for natural birth, and may be caused by the anxiety of birthing pain disrupting the contractions cycle.



I was thinking perhaps after one, two, or even three years later, everything will be back to normal. But even when my boy was almost five, it's been the same. Every other night, the sleepless baby wakes up at 1, 2, 3, or 4 am to play with his toys, find Mommy or Papa, thirsty, awake from dream, or find the 'blue car' or the 'red train'. Also, he was never hungry. Even if we tried to starve him in the hopes of giving him a bigger meal later, he simply would not eat anything! In fact, his growth seems to have stalled when he was 2 to 3 years old - he had the same weight (11 kg) for more than a year!


Surprisingly, sometimes he'll gobble up bananas, blueberries and papayas but he'll not eat any meat, fish, rice or bread. It's a frustrating force-feeding session at every single meal, 3 times a day, for the past 5 years. Imagine a small bowl of food can take him one hour to finish. And further imagine all that hard work of force feeding coming to nought as he conveniently vomited everything out because he jumped around too much.


Sidenote: putting him to bed is a complete torture as well. It takes him forever to fall into deep sleep at night (usually 1 to 2 hours). And he wakes up at a needle drop. Everyone has to tiptoe around the house. And I'll pray that the postman/door-to-door salesman/the rag-and-bone man wouldn't come at this time. He hardly takes afternoon nap like his peers since his toddler years. But if he does, he sleeps at the wrong places.

At the supermarket... Okay... at least I can market in peace.

And that's not all. He is constantly on the move and is like a tornado: spoiling things, furniture, toys, books, his clothes and my clothes. Ahh! All that madness from childproofing both the house and everywhere else! And he's just so curious, touching anything and everything, putting random things into his mouth and nose for fun and, worst of all, he runs off everywhere! He's gone missing for about 10 times to date. And those heart-stopping episodes of him hurting himself while he does his crazy acts, read: bloody eye or nose and flattened-out fingers! It was worrying to the point that I was having nightmares of him killing himself in freaky accidents. The scenes were so real that I literally woke up crying. Running after him and looking out for him is so exhausting and most of my relatives dare not bring him out, unless me or hubby tags along.


Once, my mom brought him downstairs for a walk and came back barely an hour later in sweat (almost tears) saying: "Ok! Ok! I'm exhausted. Give you back (the baby) lah! Keep running off and touching everything!" It's no wonder both my mother and MIL decided that they can't help me in minding him, let alone taking care of him full-time.



And so, I have to shelf my life plans that were somehow laid nicely ahead of me: to step up the career, property and car ladder. Have another kid. Retire comfortably with a nice pool of aging funds. Probably, many of us have had such laid-out plans at the back of our minds. It is the social norm. But now, I have to live another way.


As he grows up, more hurdles sprung out in view. For me, two of the most exhausting thing about child-minding is: potty-training and dining-training. Imagine teaching a tiny human being who half-understands you to a. hold the spoon this/that way, b. scoop the food, c. open your mouth and put the food INTO your mouth, d. BITE and swallow (pleeeease!)... You can imagine how frustrating when most of the food end up on the floor instead of the tot's tummy. And potty-training is the worst thing that I've gone through in my life, seriously. Like I said before, outsource these tasks to your mom, sister, or whoever's got the badge of patience. Do so especially for the weak-hearted like me.


And all day, this tiny creature would want to be attached to you and expect that he has your constant attention. My boy even demanded to follow me into the bathroom, put down my seat and then proceed to tear and fold the toilet paper nicely for me, never minding the smell! [Sorry too much info.] And did I mention before, whenever he falls sick every other week or so, I'd mostly fall sick too. Being constantly sick is really sickening. Ahh. All that dreadful doctor visits which lasts hour after hour. Thankfully, his sick spell stopped when he went on from nursery to kindergarten. I've had so much pre-warning from fellow parents about this sick spell. So I am kind of ready for this.


It is exhausting, still. I once told my boy: "Jovie, if you do not start to eat and sleep properly, won't stop going missing and touching every other thing, Mommy is going to die from exhaustion or you are going to die from an accident or poisoning!". This is especially so when no one except me can hear him waking up in middle of the night because other family members are not light sleepers like me.


After 5 years, things changed. Just few months before his 5th birthday, Jovie is FINALLY sleeping throughout the night on most nights, with little or no wet bed/pyjamas, though he's still wearing diapers for night time. He'd just begin to sleep through the night from 11 or 12 at night till 8 in the morning. Although some of his classmates are sleeping from 7pm to 7am plus an afternoon nap daily, his improving sleep cycle is enough to make me think that I am REALLY at the end of the dreary tunnel. I can even see rainbows not far ahead!

After a few weeks of quality, unbroken sleep, my hubby even commented that I looked much better and healthier! Ha. The sacrifices of having a rambunctious child. Or what my hubby described as 'crazily-active'.


In addition, my boy has been eating more food, is less crazy, and not running away from us too much. And it was only recently that I have the luxury to have my meals in peace, use the bathroom in privacy (if I'm lucky enough), take a proper look at myself in the mirror, pluck stray hairs, scrub my face, grow longer hair (as I began to have less white and falling hair), and had pinkier, moisturized lips. I didn't realise till then that I looked so zombie-ish.


I also noticed that I have more patience and energy to attend to my son, pander to his whims, fancies and tantrums, and even have the energy to laugh and enjoy my day. But, I know I've mellowed so much since having my boy, it's difficult to return to my energetic old self. I have been converted from an extrovert to an introvert. I now prefer quietness and peace more than anything. Yes, I am embracing a quiet existence and am loving it.


Some people are rattling me into having a second child but no thanks dears - 5 years of living dead is enough. I don't think I have the stamina to go through that same punishing schedule again. I may end up with a major depression, brain cancer, or a stroke (btw, there was one period where I think I had a mini stroke - my face was numb and twisted on one side).


Even more so, I do not have anymore patience to teach another human being how to brush teeth, bathe, clear nose, and all the proper mannerisms and cleanliness.


Despite all these, I still love my boy very much. How did I know this? Because:

1. He's the one who makes me laugh almost everyday. 12 hours of agony in exchange of 12 seconds of laughter.
2. I still have the urge to kiss or hug him even when he is already super irritating.
3. My friend told me that I was (unknowingly) smiling when I showed him pictures of my son - while I was angrily ranting about how difficult it is to raise him.

Now as I was writing this on a random morning, I can hear him outside my bedroom door going, Oh Yes! Oh No! Yaya.. dada.. All that nonsensical singing and babbling of cheerful banter with his Papa. And I can imagine him galloping merrily around the house with his arms swinging in the air.


Today, right now, life is wonderful and beautiful.

And so this wonderful day passes by.


Pardon me for trying to be poetic but some feelings can only be conveyed through means other than normal writing. And although, this day didn't last, [nothing lasts forever] at least it is a beautiful bittersweet memory.

To my dearest Jovie,

After all those meltdowns and vomits, Mommy loves you all the same. In fact, I think our wonderful and blissful life has just begun. Let us look forward to the years and years of joy and laughter ahead. Love you to bits. And I know you love me to bits too :) My dearest son, let us reach for the rainbows together! And happy 5th birthday my diaper boy!


With lots of love,
Mommy

My smelly boy. You're still a dream to smell and hold.

PS: As much as I'd aspired my child to be more precocious (more mature for his age), I think I should just accept the fact that he is more childish than his peers. Everyday, I'm trying to strike a balance between keeping him joyful and keeping him intact (or alive, in his case). This is my daily struggle with the following saying:

Better a broken arm than a broken spirit.

Despite all these unpleasantries, I'm glad that I can still look back to the past five years with a nostalgic smile. In particular, I found that the things that my son made me say or put me through, very amusing. For a quick laugh, please see this and this video. I'm guilty for some of them!

How To End Your Misery Right Now

Have you ever come to the point that you find life meaningless and hopeless? Have you ever been feeling down for a long time, lost all interest in whatever is happening around you, can hardly smile, feeling like a living dead just going through the motions and nothing, just nothing, seems to bring you back to life?

You walk around listlessly and aimlessly, having lost all the enthusiasm of joyful living and wonder how other people cope with their lives and where their zest for life and happiness comes from.

I was, at some point, feeling like this before. I find life purposeless. I do have all the basic necessities of life and more, but I still feel empty. Many things didn't go the way I wanted but still, there are things happening beautifully in my life. The funny thing is, I was happier when I was poorer. So, it was not that I am not rich enough.

So, what is actually causing my misery? And how do I get out of my misery?

After so many years of searching for the source of my own misery. I came to a conclusion. A reality-in-your-face, and an inconvenient conclusion:

The cause of all misery is your self

The solution to all misery is letting go of the self.

This finding is based on the teachings of Buddha. It is inconvenient to people who cannot accept the fact that they are causing their own misery, not the people or events around them. Of course, one will be sad if they meet with an unfortunate event. But one can definitely choose how they are going to react to the event. It is a personal choice.

One's misery is also caused by being self-ish, only thinking to one's own advantage. This is only going to lead oneself to a miserable life. By letting go of your self, you'll end your misery right away.

For so many years, after so many setbacks in my life, I can really conclude that the best way to end my misery is to stop thinking about myself. Let go of this thing called "I". To stop being so self-ish, is to let go of my 'self', is to think for others, is to lead a happier life. Simple as that. Ironically but true, you actually find yourself or the purpose of your life by losing yourself.

"The best way to find yourself, is to

lose yourself in the service of others."

                                                                ~ Mahatma Gandhi

PS: There is actually no permanent point of happiness in life based on getting the things you want. E.g. when I get that degree, that great job, that spouse, that home, that car, or that smart child, I'll be very happy. In fact, all excitement will pass sooner or later, and you'll never find that permanent sweet spot. It doesn't exist.


What will give you a permanent state of happiness will be when you stop thinking for yourself.


But how exactly do we do that?



My answer is:

Find someone or some meaningful reasons to go about your daily life.


For example: Everyday, I focused on nurturing my son's physical and mental growth, supporting my husband in anyway and making sure my elderly father-in-law has all his basic needs taken care of. I try to be a good mother, wife, and daughter as I go through my daily life.


If I go out and work, say, as an administrative executive, I will do my best in the job so as to benefit the people around me (my clients, my colleagues, and my employer) with my services. We just need to stay as useful and as current as possible to the society so as to achieve a meaningful life.


Of course, we still need to take care of our own basic needs: eat and sleep properly, exercise 150 minutes per week and have a healthy mindset. This is our own responsibility. But too much focus on yourself is unhealthy. So you must also spend time thinking for others (to forget about yourself). Offer your useful skills/service or simply lend a helping hand to someone as often as you can afford.


In a certain way, being able (as opposed to being dis-able) to give your service to people around you is a blessing in itself. It is a privilege that one should not take for granted.

So, to end your misery soon, please go on and find a meaningful purpose for your life right now. Do not live with regrets. Go with the bottom of your heart. And if you really don't know where to start, ask yourself this magic question:

What is the most important thing in my life right now? 

Is it your child, your career, your family, your friend, the need to pay the bills, or the need to rest? There must be something out there worth living. And you restart your life from here. 

Favorite Places I Bring My Toddler To

If time and weather permits, I love to bring my child into the nature, even when he was just a toddler. I think it is a great starting point to discover the big wide world. Otherwise, I'll find nice local spots (in Singapore) that can either keep him occupied mentally or provide an outlet to let out his physical energies. Here's the list of places that you may love too. Enjoy the parenting moments.

1. Playground

The number one place I'll bring my child to has got to be the playground, in any form, because my child is almost hyperactive. Places include: the playgrounds near our house, the playgrounds in public parks and gardens (e.g. Botanic Gardens), playgrounds within shopping malls and those within cafes and restaurants (e.g. Marche).

While he is playing, I'll always remind him to share toys, not to push or hit anyone, and look out for dangers like sharp corners, slippery floors and potential spots of trips and falls. I might sound like an over-the-top mom, but my child is too accident-prone. He often heads home with some bruises or a bleeding nose.

But I can't possibly stop him from playing altogether, right? And so, my struggle to choose between a broken leg and a broken spirit continues. Which do you think is worse? Which would you choose? Well, to me, a broken spirit is no better than a lifeless person. I couldn't bear to see him lose that sparkling smile in his eyes. Striking a balance is the key here.

At Marche's, Somerset

2. Nature (gardens, parks, hilltop)

This overlaps some places listed in number 1 but the point here is not about the playground, but about letting my child spend lots of time in nature, like the forest or any green spaces. Let the little one breathe in fresh air and enjoy the outdoors. And like what I did, you can show him simple things: Darling, this is a leaf, come touch it. This is a flower. Oh look! A bird... squirrel, over there! You can even let him paint, play ballgames, blow bubbles or pick up sticks in the wild - whatever makes your child and you happy.

Kent Ridge Park

Singapore Botanic Gardens

3. Water time
My son loves to play with water. Our weekday afternoons often end with a bathtub time right before he showers. He gets all excited whenever he sees me filling up his bathtub with water and his bath toys. And a 'no bathtub' day will send him crying. As he grew older, we began to bring him to bigger sources of water like the swimming pool and the beach. You can also bring your toddler to playgrounds with water features which you can find in many Singapore malls.


Sentosa, Siloso Beach

Jurong East Swimming Complex

4. Walkabouts

... in Changi Airport, huge shopping centres (e.g. Vivocity), or any huge spaces to wonder about. My son and I will grab a bite, buy little treats or a toy and also make pit-stops whenever we see a little playground or a toddler-friendly cafe. Really, it is to walk about and perhaps squeeze in an errand or two involving the little one. For example, when he needed a new set of pyjamas, I'll get him to choose one for himself. This is where errands turn into little adventures for my toddler.

5. Child-friendly stores

My top 2 choices are IKEA and supermarkets with child-carrying pushcarts. This is usually an errand-running day. I'll pass my child a copy of the shopping or grocery list and I'll tick things off as we go along. Meantime, he can learn to identify a few things: Jovie, say Nnn-oooo-dles. Where are the noodles?

6. Train and bus rides

I like to point to distant objects to exercise his eye muscles. I'll show him the lake, a river, or a tall building. Or I'll show him where we are on the train map, names of train stations or streets, and so on. Mostly, I want my child to enjoy the scenery, enjoy the ride, watch the vehicle doors open and close, watch people come up and get off, or simply watch the day go by. But sometimes, he'll doze off into deep sleep. So, wearing diapers for a long ride is a must, in case of toileting 'accidents'.



On the train, near Lakeside Station



7. Library

Jovie's not really into books when he was younger. Instead of flipping the pages, he finds more joy in tearing them off! So I waited till he was more mature before bringing him to the library and hoped to arouse his interest in reading. Luckily, I did - he now requests that I read him a book before he sleeps. At the library, he gets to choose books and we'll read together. Initially, his attention drifts off by the third page but I'll just try my best to read as much as his attention span can afford. At the same time, I'll teach him to behave appropriately: speak softly in the library, treat books gently, and put them back after reading.



At one of the public libraries

8. Places of interest
There are many other places where you can spend a wonderful afternoon [or just 2 hours of bliss before he drives you crazy!] with your little one. For me, they include: plant nursery, small animal farms**, ice-skating rink, short musical shows provided by the library/museum, science centre, kid-themed exhibitions or just places with Christmas and New Year decorations during the festive season.

**when he was younger, we brought him to the zoo, but instead of looking at the animals in the distance, he was fervently interested in the puddle of water on the ground! *faints* Here, an animal farm with small animals (rabbits, chicks, hamster, fish, bird) that you can get really close to would be a better choice.

People watching at Jcube skating rink in Jurong East