Are you angry, sad, depressed or stressed out about something in your life right now? Fret not, I have some solutions for you to try out now.
First, let me tell you a story I've heard: Every morning, at a quiet bus stop, person A and person B will wait for the bus to come. Person A will wait patiently while person B will start cursing: "Oh man! Why is the bus always late when I'm in the wait?!"
So, as you can see both persons are doing the same thing (waiting for that same bus) yet have different reactions. It was clear that the problem is NOT the bus, but the person.
The point is, what can person B do to stop being angry?
After thinking very hard about the problems in my life and trying to solve them, I have come to a conclusion: when there is a problem, there are mainly 4 steps one can do to deal with it.
1. Change the Situation
Now, one thing that person B can do is to simply get up earlier every morning to wait for an earlier bus. Sounds intuitive? A no-brainer, you think? But I've seen so many people in my life (including myself) letting the problem manifest itself again and again which spoils their day and life. Perhaps what we really need is a reminder, a little nudge/push, or someone to tell us to stop procrastinating and stop saying that we are "too busy" to solve the problem. For me, I admit that sometimes, I am "too lazy" to solve my problems. I am lazy to even think about a solution, let alone doing it. But I realise that laziness brings me much more problems later on (it's a snowball effect!), so I should stop being that way as much as possible and face my problems bravely.
Once, I saw a short clip from the LEGO game on ipad. Two men were driving along the highway happily until they came to face a massive rock blocking the whole road. They tried all means and strength to move the rock to the side but failed to do so. Then, another man pulled over behind them and suggested to break the huge rock into smaller pieces of rock so that it is easier to remove from the road. And so they did just that. They broke the huge rock into smaller rocks and managed to clear the road by removing one small rock at a time. I immediately think of this as a great way to solve the larger problems in my life: if I find my problem too great or difficult, I'll break them into smaller, more manageable 'pieces' and solve them one by one. This can be likened to one of the best advice given to me:
SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS ONE STEP AT A TIME,
STEP BY STEP,
STEP BY STEP...
So, when there is a problem, one can try to change the situation. If it seems like a massive problem, break it into smaller, manageable sections and solve it one step at a time.
But what if you do not have the means to change the situation? For person B, what if that bus is the earliest and the only bus to arrive every morning? And let's say he tried to solve the problem in other ways (like cycling and carpooling in friend's car instead) but somehow still failed to solve the problem. What can he do?
But what if you do not have the means to change the situation? For person B, what if that bus is the earliest and the only bus to arrive every morning? And let's say he tried to solve the problem in other ways (like cycling and carpooling in friend's car instead) but somehow still failed to solve the problem. What can he do?
2. Change Your Thinking
If there's really nothing else you can do to change the situation, then the next best thing you can do is to change your thinking.
Perhaps, person B could think: "Things could be worse... I should be grateful that I don't have to travel for 2 to 3 hours to school/work like many people in some parts of the world... also, this is a great 'me time' for some reading/games/relaxation while waiting for bus." This I call:
FIND(ING) THE GOODNESS IN EVERY BAD SITUATION.
And so, you can change your thinking in a positive way or try to find the goodness in your seemingly bad situation. But well, if all else fails - you have either truly tried your best to change the situation or changed the way you think about the problem, and yet you are still bothered by it - then, try the next step.
3. Wait
Sometimes, even after all is said and done, the problem simply doesn't seem to bulge. It may be because there is really no solution, or at least, you can't seem to find a feasible solution now. In this case, you should wait and see or even let it slide and move on with your life. It's okay to let some problems float around in your life. As you know, nothing is perfect so you cannot have a perfect life without problems. This is life. You simply have to accept the fact that life comes with a whole lot of problems. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. It's true! And it's okay, really! Or maybe, there is a much better time to say it or to deal with the problem. [Think: More Haste Makes Less Pace]. Or perhaps, time is the solution - like it takes time for wounds to heal. Armed with these points in my head, I think I am now a more patient, less egoistic, and better problem solver. Like in my marriage, I have come to accept that it's okay to let unsolvable matters float around for a while and find a better time to tackle it. But if we're in luck, it may just dissipate by itself. It's true!
4. Distract Yourself
Since you have tried your best to dissolve the problem, why waste energy dwelling over it? Now the next best thing to do is to distract yourself (do understand that you need to do this step only if you can't stop thinking about the problem and it's eating your energy away). Like they say, you can't have two thoughts running in your mind at the very same time. I find that creating numerous slots of 'happy hour' throughout my days very helpful in getting me through rough times. Do try out the following. Sometimes it's the mundane things that work.
a. Eat a fruit, like an apple. Crunch your troubles away!
b. Sip a large cup of hot tea slowly. Really slowly. Take your time to enjoy your cuppa.
c. Create a weekly 'home spa'. Scrub and shower in your favourite relaxing scent, like lavender.
d. Have daily morning run/brisk walk.
e. Had a bad day today? Head down to your favourite restaurant and order your favourite set meal to cheer yourself up or reward yourself after closing a deal or finishing an important project. Note: Don't do this too often though, in case you pile on the pounds and add on to your problems!
f. Set up a monthly meeting/dinner with the people you love to be with. Be it your best friends, your sister, mother, brother, ex-school mate - anyone you absolutely LOVE to be with. It will bring out the happiness deep within you. I count going for our monthly swimming sessions with my hubby and son as one. Yes, you could double up the meeting as a workout session like gym, yoga or badminton. Doing two very important things at one time, maintaining health and happiness, why not?!
g. Smell something to ignite your senses e.g. essential oils like eucalyptus, lemon, lavender or even ointment or your favourite fragrance. PS: Citrusy or sour smell/food (e.g.lime/lemon) is great for motivating tired people as it supports liver function! (good liver = good energy. Read more here)
h. Bask yourself in nature. Go to the beach, park, a raised area/hill, or simply an open space and look at how massive the sky/sea/hill is. Once you are reminded how massive nature and the cosmos beyond your naked eyes is in comparison to you and your problems, (yes we are just a tiny speck of dust) you may find that your problems are not as bad or huge as you think.
i. Recall the happiest moments of your life like a movie that can be replayed in your head on demand. So, when is your happiest day so far? Think about it. And keep it in your memory (Read about mine here)
j. Create something to look forward to about one month or few months down the road. For instance:
- The weekend trip to the library, park, beach, etc.
- A new haircut every 3-6 months
- The monthly leg or body spa massage
- A new toy/gadget/bag that you had been eyeing to buy for the longest time using your mid-year or year-end bonus.
- Book that year-end exotic vacation!
- Fulfil one of the dreams you've had for years
k. Last but not least, put up a calendar (one month per page) where you can see it everyday. Clearly state the dates of activities/hobbies/dates/celebrations/events that are coming up or anything that perks you up e.g. buying that home decor magazine, a Sunday trip to the library, that long vacation to Bali, that volunteering stint, or calling your sister for a catch-up chat. So, instead of dragging through the seemingly endless days, you'll actually start to look forward to your everydays! It works very well for me. Now instead of feeling breathless, I actually feel more energetic, purposeful and even the lack of time (both mental-time and physical-time)!
On the same note, my husband was feeling rather stressed out due to his hectic work schedule and I encouraged him to fulfil his dream of buying a professional set of DSLR camera, just to distract himself from work stress after working hours. And so he did. He has since dived into the world of photography - buying all sorts of lens, books/magazine on photography and had also taken a few sporadic leave from work to go into the woods to take pictures of the nature and eagles. He will come home after his expeditions and proudly show me his 'works'. He told me that he couldn't be happier to finally get to do what he always wanted to and I can really feel his true joy.
Also, I suggested that he needed a break from work and should go for a vacation overseas which he gamely agreed. Since then, for the past one month or so, he has been eagerly planning and looking forward to the vacation - a weekend road trip to the Cameron Highlands, with his wife and son in tow.
So there, for the past few weeks, he had created two sources of 'happy hour' to distract himself from work stress and has cheered up since :)
So there, for the past few weeks, he had created two sources of 'happy hour' to distract himself from work stress and has cheered up since :)
Here's a recap: When we meet a problem, we can:
1. Change the situation,
2. Change our thinking,
3. Wait, and finally
4. Distract yourself (after trying your best to solve the problem)
And if, at anytime, you are stuck somewhere in between these 4 steps and is feeling totally helpless/hopeless, take a deep breath and ask yourself these very important question:
What is the next best thing I can do right now?
or,
What is the wisest thing I can do right now?
1. Change the situation,
2. Change our thinking,
3. Wait, and finally
4. Distract yourself (after trying your best to solve the problem)
And if, at anytime, you are stuck somewhere in between these 4 steps and is feeling totally helpless/hopeless, take a deep breath and ask yourself these very important question:
What is the next best thing I can do right now?
or,
What is the wisest thing I can do right now?
You are the best person to decide how to solve your own problems because you know them best. Each problem is different and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. And remember, nobody owns you your happiness - you have to create it yourself!
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So, our whole family of three will be heading for Cameron Highlands bright and early tomorrow morning! Can't wait to enjoy the cool and fresh mountain air. This will be my son's very first trip overseas with his freshly-printed passport. For the safety of all airplane passengers, we promptly chucked the idea of going somewhere where we need to get on the plane - just in case my curious and fearless son slips into the cockpit and press the wrong buttons or he somehow manages to pry open the emergency exit doors! I can't imagine the horrible scenario. So, we decided to travel by car where we could strap him down for the whole trip. The best part is that he dozes off to dreamland pretty easily on the road, so, it should be an easy feat.
The papa (hubby) will be driving us northwards from Singapore to around Ipoh, Malaysia, which will take around 9 hours. And the mummy (me), will be plugging herself off the family duties for a while and find her inner peace before she returns. No cooking and cleaning for the next few days which is a nice break for her blistering fingers. She just need to chase after her son if he runs off. The best part about the trip is to fully bask ourselves in the lovely company of the dearest people in our life (what could be more enjoyable than that?!) So, the little family of piggies will be hitting the roads without a care in the world, just for a few days. [Due to my son's craze about Peppa Pig he now calls us Papa Pig and Mummy Pig, and he's the little brother pig, George]
Till then, I hope this list can help you solve some of your problems. Best of luck!
PS: More useful notes and lists will be up when I am back. Many are in the making and some are just sitting in my notebook waiting to be posted - need to find proper time!
For now, Cameron, HERE WE COME!
