Essential Notes From a Stay-Home Mom

My 2 year old's hands at the A&E, midnight.
Note that the bones are not joined up yet.

I crushed my son's fingers. Refer to the above picture. As I close the metal storeroom door, he slid his fingers into the door hinge and so they were flattened out! I thought he's going to lose his fingers forever. Luckily, doctor say a 2 year old's hand is not fully formed so their bones are technically not joined up yet [see x-ray], so it's OK! My point here is: Moms, before you freak out or faint at your child's illness or accidents, check with the doctor first. In any case, I am sure there'll be a course of treatment that the doctors will recommend. Your child needs your support the most right now, so don't crumble. Stay strong, breathe in deeply, and don't give up. 

Stay-home moms work from dusk till dawn, all day, 365 days a year, without any pay, rest days, unless you faint, vomit, or collapse at the point of exhaustion. With the endless domestic cycle, you can get worn-out and yet feel unsuccessful everyday.

The best thing you can do is to have a schedule. Example:

Monday: Wash bed-sheets day
Tuesday: Laundry and iron (clothes and towels)
Wednesday: Run errands and playground (get out of that door to keep your sanity!)
Thursday: Quiet relax day (reading, home play, painting)
Fridays: Laundry and iron, plus buying groceries (food and supplies for Saturday and Sunday)
Saturday: Family day/outings (get out of that door again!)
Sunday: Family outings which ends with buying groceries (food and supplies for Mon to Fri)

All the illness and accidents of my child (compilation)

HFMD [Hand, foot and mouth disease] - with no obvious symptoms. Just ONE tiny spot/blister inside his mouth.

Stomach flu - vomit and diarrhoea. Let the virus "run its course" with doctor's medicine. Drink water to prevent dehydration. It is impossible to eat as he'll expel all the food in minutes. Do not force the child to eat if s/he is not hungry.

Ear infection with high fever lasting one month - downed antibiotics given by doctors. Watch out if your kid keeps pulling or scratching the ears - it may really be a ear infection. See doctor immediately.

Crushed fingers [see x-ray above].

Sensitive nose calmed down by persistent nose drop prescribed by doctor.

Huge insect bites - used Zam-buk cream.

Bumps/injuries/cuts from running, jumping, cycling, scooting - used Zam-buk cream.

Eczema - used Neoderm prescribed by doctors.

Fever of 38 to 41 degrees celsius lasting 5 days. See doctor immediately.

Tiny toys stuck up in his nostrils causing bleeding. We told him to blow out the toy real hard. Get medical help if you're unsure!

I cannot imagine my child going through all this alone. Especially with those virus with a vengeance!

I stay sane with 30 min pre-dawn brisk walks in the open park to "clear my mind" before the insaneness of a new day begins. So, when my hubby and son are still asleep, I'll sneak out of the house quietly at 5 or 6 am. This is my precious me time where I get to exercise in peace and sort of meditate or have a quiet moment. It's truly liberating. This is my much-needed sense of freedom before the daily 'chaos' begins.

Now that my child has finally attended pre-school, I feel that I can finally breathe easier. I also have more energy to laugh nowadays.

Being with my child 24/7 made me realise that there is really no obvious 'first words' or 'first steps'. They are actually gradual. You would figure out whether your child has really, truly spoken his/her first words or taken the first steps after a few tries.

Don't lose yourself completely. Resume the activities that you used to engage in prior to the arrival of your child. 

You probably have to be constantly cooped up in the house within the 4 walls, distancing yourself from the outside world. Reconnect with the world occasionally by getting out of the house. The park downstairs also counts!

Keep yourself abreast with what's happening out there even if you're mostly at home. E.g. When I have time, I'll watch the morning news while having my breakfast and also keep myself informed of the events in the world by reading online news, magazines and books.

Buy diapers, wet wipes, toilet paper and tissue paper in bulk so that you don't have to buy them all the time. I'm buying 2 to 3 big packs of diapers, toilet papers and tissue papers recently and I think it has made life breezier. They definitely don't get expired as fast as food or other perishable items which you may have to buy every 2 to 3 days to have them fresh. And you get to have the bulky items 'done with' perhaps only once every 2 months which saves you lots of hassle. 

You have to be more prudent in your spending given that there's a considerable amount of monthly income (yours) that is no longer there. 

Domestic duties can never be completely completed. If your back or ankles are giving way, rest!




Don't let gossips, criticisms and unkind remarks put you down. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, someone will still find fault. They are not you, they do not know what you went through, and they DO NOT need to be told what you went though. Just be sure that what you are doing is acceptable and right for you. Remember this always: it is impossible to please every single person in the world! Just smile, nod, and walk away.

Parenthood is a lifetime job. It's a tiring yet fulfilling process. You might dread every moment of your struggle but when you see the smile on your little one's face, you'll think that everything is ABSOLUTELY worth it. The love and undivided attention that you give them is priceless!

Try to lead by example. Not by rank, age, or threat (idea from Confucius). Remember, kids don't really listen to you (and your scoldings), they observe you! (idea from Sadhguru). So, if you expect them to drink more water, you drink it too. If you expect them to eat their greens, you have to eat them too.

Keep loose or unwanted papers, brochures, boxes, newspapers, safe paint, colour pencils, crayons, cardboard or magazines for impromptu art and crafts sessions - come in handy if you want your peaceful 5 mins bathroom trip!  

Make kids happy! I mean, not with expensive toys or outings. But just make them laugh heartily with simple activities like running around, swimming, or even doing simple housework together. Your companion should be their greatest joy. Trust me, they'll remember it for life and even carry that joyfulness throughout their lives. You may have just brightened up someone's life forever.

Now that my child and I survived the past 5 years, we're so much happier. We're really at the end of the tunnel. Recently, on alternate nights, I can finally have a taste of what it's like to have 5 hours of unbroken sleep. For an insomniac like me, this make me wake up feeling so refreshed! I had even changed my Pinterest file title from Mothering to Joys of Mothering. More so, my child has been free from any illness for the past six months - the longest healthy window period that I can remember.



Bad times will pass, surely. Even if it doesn't, you'll get used to it one day. Maybe things are not as depressing as you made it out to be. Remember, things REALLY could be worse. (Thank goodness my son isn't down with a chronic illness or something.) So, just look forward. Do something useful for someone. Bring your child to the playground or buy a small gift for someone special - anything positive.

Not So Tai Tai After All: Life of a SAHM

Hello folks! With 5 full years of stay-home experience, let me share with you what my typical day would be like. If you want to know what it's really like to be a stay-home parent, then you're reading the right article. Bear in mind though, that I have a hyperactive child, and no domestic helpers.

As much as I wanted to, and contrary to what my friends imagined it to be, I wasn't living a tai tai life by any measure - far from that! I would have been a full-fledged tai tai if I've had 2 domestic helpers (one to tend to baby and another to do housework) and lots of spare time and cash to spend throughout the day (shopping, spas and all). 

Now, let's get to it.

Life as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom)

YOU ARE ON AN ENDLESS MARATHON WITH NO PITSTOPS: You will either need to go super fast or go through periods of super slowness but you have to be constantly in 'on' mode with hardly any quality rest in between.

Think 5 mins bath, 5 mins to gobble up your meal and then spend the next one hour feeding your 3-year-old child one small bowl of food and another hour and a half waiting praying for him to fall asleep.

If you have no helpers, then you'll be on the domestic "rat race". The laundry is piling up continuously, there's a heap of wrinkled clothes waiting to be ironed, the toilets needs to be washed down as it's beginning to stink, and the child is crying again because of hunger, boredom, physical discomfort, or for no obvious reasons. And everything else is constantly running out: toilet papers, diapers, milk, bread, egg, coffee and tea. And while you are up to your neck with house chores, your child and hubby (goodness sake!) is constantly in slow or off mode. 

The fridge is empty (except for chocolates and ice-cream), and your stomach is empty too. Your breakfast has long turned rancid and is still lying on the breakfast table. Noon is approaching and you wonder where to find produce to dish out something for lunch. 

Now, you even find doing the basics like drinking water and going to the bathroom such a nuisance. The best part is that you've forgotten whether you've had your bath or had brushed your teeth. You try to think back but you simply can't recall. And when was the last time you really looked at yourself in the mirror?

If hubby is not home, then your child will demand that you look at something mundane on the floor e.g. a strand of hair, and discuss at length about whose hair is it. Or he'll clamour at you to watch him wear a hat for the 11th time and tell him that he is handsome. Sometimes, he'll suddenly start to whine and cry because he didn't get 3 stars for whatever game that he is playing on the ipad.

When it's finally time for pre-school (2 hours only, cheapest yet most valuable service), you'll simply wish to totally 'switch off' for a while but no, you ended up running an errand, market for groceries, or preparing for your child's comeback and constantly checking the time (like an ant on a hotpot) for 2 hours to be up to fetch him home in time.

Then, it's the cycle of bathing, cooking, preparing snack, feeding, washing, coaxing, scolding, playing, changing, housework, etc.

So, it is NEVERENDING. Yes, even if the child is asleep. You'll need to do the things that can't be done when he's awake e.g. washing toilets, ironing, or gobbling up your meals and visiting the bathroom yourself.  In fact, there's no such thing as days off, weekends, or sick leave. There's no one to take over your child when you are down or away. You just have to grit on. 

At night, you don't really get to fully fall asleep. He'll wake up due to hunger, wet bed, nightmares, or because he wants to play his new toy or practise his newfound skills like jumping and talking, all of that before he decides to fall back to sleep. Therefore, at 3 to 4 am in the wee hours of the morning, he left you wide awake, ready for a brand new day with just a pathetic 2 to 3 hours of sleep.

By afternoon, you're still rushing to complete your endless chores and praying hard that your baby can have a 15 min nap so that you can have a rest.

Actually, for the rest of the day, you can't really do anything else (not even read one full page of the papers) as the child will be asking endless questions, making endless requests, and hovering around, under, or over you -  all that just to get your undivided attention. 

Or else, he'll be constantly getting into some sort of danger, mess, damage, or filth, if left alone, even for just a few minutes.  

On hubby's day off, you'll plan to go marketing in peace. Without the child in tow, you won't have to keep your eyes peeled on your child who is constantly in accident mode, scream at him or play catch-me-if-you-can if he decides to sprint off and disappear. To date, he's been missing for more than 10 times! Goodness. Thankfully, every time you managed to get him back from kind strangers and service counter staffs. You'll even find the following announcement familiar already.

Attention all shoppers, we have a 3 year old boy here wearing red shirt and blue jeans,... will the parents please pick him up at the counter on level 2, thank you.

[Aside: Every time I hear this, or when I found my child, I'll let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank goodness he is still alive. Once, he went missing in the zoo, near the tiger's den! Hubby and I almost freaked out. We searched frantically up and down the same tracks screaming for him for the next 40 mins. What if he manages to get inside the tiger's den? What if someone takes him away and I'll never see him again? A dreadful emotion overcame me. It was the worse feeling ever. I could feel my legs going weak and I almost couldn't breathe anymore. I was almost going to faint. Thankfully, we found him loitering at another spot, chatting with a little girl, oblivious to the fact that he is 'missing'. It was then that I realised the saddest thing that can ever happen to any parent is to lose their child.  #thingsthatmychildputsmethrough

Now back to the supermarket. So, with hubby tending to your child at home, you did your marketing in pure peace and pick up the freshest produce for the family. You were grateful that your hubby is babysitting the child - until you reach home. You open the main door to a quiet home. You thought all's well and in place until you turn around the corner to this shocking sight: right there, toys and whatnots strewn all over the bedroom floor, with a stinky, sweaty baby sleeping ON TOP of the bookshelf, and with your hubby happily glued to his whatever gadget saying: "Hey, you're back! Jovie finished his lunch and is sleeping already! The dishes are undone though" Like they say, a woman has never gone through real marriage until she has felt like killing her husband.

So, the conclusion is...

Being a SAHM is really like running an endless marathon, where you'll alternate between going super fast or super slow, with hardly any quality rest and literally no end in sight. But nothing can replace the close bond between you, your child, and your husband that is build over time with your unrelenting love and undivided attention.

In between, I did work as a full-time working mom for the first three months of my baby's life. So, for your comparison, here's the summary of my short-term FTWM life, without a domestic helper.

Life as a FTWM (full-time-working-mom)

YOU ARE ON A SPRINT WITH PITSTOPS TO REST: You need to be on fast speed all over the place but you can have quality rests in between.

Working moms run the corporate "rat race". You wake up early in the morning at about the same time everyday for work. You're probably well-rested as you may have given the duty of child-minding to someone else while you have your beauty sleep (sometimes my MIL helped). Then you rush your child and husband to school or work and then rush to work yourself.

You reach your workplace finally and maybe you relax a bit, have a quick but peaceful breakfast, and chat to your co-workers merrily before diving into your sea of work.

And you work and work throughout the day. Busy, busy! Then, when it's time to knock off, it's time to rush everyone home and prepare/buy dinner. On the way, you pick up some groceries or other essentials and quickly head home. 

After getting everyone to finish their dinner, you probably have to clear the dishes, the laundry, and do some house chores. You even have to run through your child's schoolwork, spelling or dictation (hubby really knows when to disappear), and feed them medicine or milk. Then you double checked the dates of birthday parties, parent-teacher meetings, enrichment classes and appointment dates of your child's next vaccination or doctor visit. You have to hold everything in place and not let anything run amok. 

You are practically running all over the place (work, supermarket, mall, home, school, doctor's, personal errands), truly juggling both your career and family at one time. This is why you have to do things very fast and accurate. You also have multi-faceted roles to play and more people to deal with. 

But usually you get to eat and sleep in peace. You can have weekends and rest days truly to yourself so it's not rare that you get to have your own quality time to dine, shop and relax without the worries of family duties. And the best thing is that you not only get to build your career, you've also got your own paycheck to spend. This screams independence!

Well, sometimes you do get torn between your career and family. When you are happily building your career, you feel guilty for not spending enough time with your child and missing out on his life. But as you get home, your whining child renders you to return back to work as soon as the weekend is over. #TGIM

Occasionally, you also worry that you did not put in as much effort and time into your work compared to your co-workers which may eventually cost you that promotion that you may have been working hard for all these years. 

In any case, work is definitely stressful (or it wouldn't be called 'work' but 'play' instead). Thankfully, you may not have to rush home every single night after work so you get to meet up with friends for a chat, pedicure, facial, shopping spree or fancy dinner. And that's quality 'me' time. 

So, the conclusion is...

Being a FTWM is like running short sprints (between work and family duties) with pitstops in between to rest. You love your work, but you love your family even more!

The Debate:

FTWM VS SAHM. Which is better?

If you are a full-time working mom you will be able to afford to buy your children the more expensive toys, send them to a better school, or take them to the more exotic holiday destinations. If you are a full-time stay home mom, you will be able to shower your children with your undivided love, attention and guidance.  

As long as you know you are benefitting your child and enhancing their lives, there's no need to doubt whether you've made the right choice. In fact, there is no "right choice". There is only the "best choice" according to your family's unique situation at that point in time.