Back in 2015, hubby and I decided to engage a helper to help me take care of my elderly father-in-law. I have never imagined that I would have the chance to hire a helper, especially when everything here in Singapore is getting so expensive. But it was getting increasingly awkward for me and my FIL as he was resistant about me helping him in his daily living activities like changing of clothes. An external help was needed. And so, we hired a helper on a budget.
But things turned out to be a nightmare rather than a blessing. Let me share with you my first experience of having a helper at home.
We chose a Myanmar (Burmese) helper because they were thought to be more obedient and hardworking (though, they can really eat a lot). Furthermore, most Muslim Indonesian helpers cannot handle pork (my father-in-law's favourite food - although they can actually communicate in Malay with some of our older folks), and Filipino helpers (they have the best command of English) are relatively more expensive.
But things turned out to be a nightmare rather than a blessing. Let me share with you my first experience of having a helper at home.
We chose a Myanmar (Burmese) helper because they were thought to be more obedient and hardworking (though, they can really eat a lot). Furthermore, most Muslim Indonesian helpers cannot handle pork (my father-in-law's favourite food - although they can actually communicate in Malay with some of our older folks), and Filipino helpers (they have the best command of English) are relatively more expensive.
From the stack of helper profiles that were given by the agency, we randomly chose one of them that we found okay (looked friendly and hardworking). There were no calls or interviews carried out so we relied solely on the information that was written in the resumes: can take care of elderly/children under 5 years, can speak/understand English, can cook Chinese food, etc.
Let's call my first helper Qing.
Qing first came as a very quiet, timid and nervous girl. She hardly spoke during the first few days and I thought to myself: Great, at least she's not the loud, noisy type.
But, there's only so much that I could take.
Three weeks on, she still refuses to talk and only answered in seemingly pre-taught standard answers like "Yes ma'm, I understand", or "dirty ma'am". The worse thing is, when I told her that there's no need to be so nervous around us and should relax and speak up more, she began to sing Myanmar songs very loudly and even talked to herself while doing her chores! I tried to command her to stop singing and talking to herself because it's just too weird. She's not here for a vacation but to work for goodness sake. "Yes ma'am, I understand, no sing.. no sing..." she'll reply with a smile but she'll start singing 5 minutes later! So, in the end, I figured that she don't really understand and speak English, unlike what was written in her resume.
When we ask her to bathe, she went to sit in her room (sorry, but she really has a distinct smell and we realised that she doesn't wash her hair everyday). And when we tell her to eat, she went to wipe the windows. In the following days, we ended up spending our energies trying to get her to understand some simple English words like, bathing, washing, cooking, etc, using the Myanmar translation app on the ipad. It was really a chore.
Despite all our efforts, her work performance did not improve. She is still forgetful, half-hearted in her work, and she did many other weird things.
She does not do a clean job e.g., cleans half the cupboard or windows only, and is rude to my father-in-law (FIL). I've caught her demanding my FIL to sit down in an offensive manner - with pointy fingers, fierce face and all - and laughed when my FIL tripped and almost fell down.
And when my FIL gets up to pee at night, I always have to call her up to help (my FIL has a rather big build and cannot walk properly). Sometimes I gave up waking her because she's such a good sleeper! No amount of shaking can wake her up. One night, there were fireworks going on near my house and she'd actually slept through that. Goodness.
One morning, I caught her waking up with a face full of makeup. Panda eyes from smudged mascara, powdered face and traces of lipstick and blusher. She literally slept with makeup on - to which she flatly denied.
She does not do a clean job e.g., cleans half the cupboard or windows only, and is rude to my father-in-law (FIL). I've caught her demanding my FIL to sit down in an offensive manner - with pointy fingers, fierce face and all - and laughed when my FIL tripped and almost fell down.
And when my FIL gets up to pee at night, I always have to call her up to help (my FIL has a rather big build and cannot walk properly). Sometimes I gave up waking her because she's such a good sleeper! No amount of shaking can wake her up. One night, there were fireworks going on near my house and she'd actually slept through that. Goodness.
One morning, I caught her waking up with a face full of makeup. Panda eyes from smudged mascara, powdered face and traces of lipstick and blusher. She literally slept with makeup on - to which she flatly denied.
I couldn't tolerate all this anymore. Even when you are angry, she can give you her megawatt smile. Once she forgot to lock the window grilles and I scolded her because my then adventurous 4-year-old son may decide to climb out of the window and fall to his death. We're living on the 15th floor so this is no joke. In fact, this is the very first thing I told her when she first came. Qing, you must lock all window grilles, my son may climb out! And to my horror, while I was scolding her, she can still break a cheeky smile at me. I swear I almost feel a stroke coming on.
Although she is forgetful when it comes to housework, there are things that she'll never forget to do: switch on the TV and watch drama shows everyday (she seems to partially understand Chinese shows), or take a magazine from my stash and read in her bed when she has 'finished' her work.
When I teach her stuff around the house, e.g., cooking or the laundry, she refuses to learn or put in effort and acted like a princess and so, cannot do all the things I mentioned. I ended up doing a lot of things myself and I feel like I need to take care of her at the same time. She's always admiring herself in the mirror and spends her free time washing her face and neatening her hair as if she's getting ready for a night out.
There has not been any initiative taken too. Everything needs to be told. Hold the door, press for the lift, look out for cars for my son and FIL, open the door, close window when raining, get a cloth to wipe the mess... it was exhausting, to say the least.
At the end of the month, we allow her to call home and gave her $50 as pocket money to buy her own stuff. The very next day, she suddenly refuses to work, hid in the toilet, and said that she has stomachache and so, requested to go back home to Myanmar. I know she's lying because she simply refused to see a doctor as I suggested.
I've read in the internet that many new and young Myanmar maids come here to 'see the world' and not really to work. Many are as young as 16 years old posing as 25 year olds. This is a good deal as you get the chance to get on the plane and go overseas for the first time to 'see the world' and get paid work at the same time, which includes free food and accommodation. Later, I came to know, if they work in Myanmar for the same work done, they are paid 15-20 Singapore dollars a month. But when they work in Singapore, they get paid at least 500 dollars a month after repaying their initial work loan for the first 4-6 months. That is about 25 times the salary. So, why not try it once in your life?
And so, on Qing's final day, after having 50 bucks in her pocket, she was bend on quitting and vehemently insisted going straight home on that very day because she's "not feeling well" and even cried as I tried to console her (it appears that she can speak much better English while negotiating to go home). Later, I found out from my Myanmar neighbour, just 2 doors away, that she actually didn't really come here to work but to 'see the world' and wants to go home suddenly because she misses her family.
When she's leaving, she was all smiles and still expected me to open and hold the door for her, and carry her bag. It's ridiculous, considering all the torture she has caused me. Did I hire someone to come and be my little daughter? In any case, I can't wait to send her off for the sake of my sanity.
Since she left, I think my blood pressure returned to their normal levels and I hope she gets her thoughts straightened out before she finds a new employee.
By the way, my agent at the maid agency said that I was too kind to let her read magazines in her free time even when she did not do her job properly and let her call home thrice within her first month here. No wonder she got lazy, swayed, and quit immediately upon getting her 50 bucks, which is more than 2 months worth of salary back home.
Subsequently, we paid a small sum of money (50 dollars if I'm not wrong) for the lodging of Qing in the Singapore dormitory while she's getting ready to go home or find another new employee. Meanwhile, we paid for the insurance for a new Myanmar maid that we have (again) randomly chose and await for her arrival in about a month - with our fingers crossed.
PS: The experience with our second Myanmar helper was a blessing! She's hardworking, friendly, can cook well, and can speak simple English. Will tell you about her soon. 😊
PS: The experience with our second Myanmar helper was a blessing! She's hardworking, friendly, can cook well, and can speak simple English. Will tell you about her soon. 😊