Hello folks! With 5 full years of stay-home experience, let me share with you what my typical day would be like. If you want to know what it's really like to be a stay-home parent, then you're reading the right article. Bear in mind though, that I have a hyperactive child, and no domestic helpers.
As much as I wanted to, and contrary to what my friends imagined it to be, I wasn't living a tai tai life by any measure - far from that! I would have been a full-fledged tai tai if I've had 2 domestic helpers (one to tend to baby and another to do housework) and lots of spare time and cash to spend throughout the day (shopping, spas and all).
As much as I wanted to, and contrary to what my friends imagined it to be, I wasn't living a tai tai life by any measure - far from that! I would have been a full-fledged tai tai if I've had 2 domestic helpers (one to tend to baby and another to do housework) and lots of spare time and cash to spend throughout the day (shopping, spas and all).
Now, let's get to it.
Life as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom)
YOU ARE ON AN ENDLESS MARATHON WITH NO PITSTOPS: You will either need to go super fast or go through periods of super slowness but you have to be constantly in 'on' mode with hardly any quality rest in between.
Think 5 mins bath, 5 mins to gobble up your meal and then spend the next one hour feeding your 3-year-old child one small bowl of food and another hour and a half waiting praying for him to fall asleep.
If you have no helpers, then you'll be on the domestic "rat race". The laundry is piling up continuously, there's a heap of wrinkled clothes waiting to be ironed, the toilets needs to be washed down as it's beginning to stink, and the child is crying again because of hunger, boredom, physical discomfort, or for no obvious reasons. And everything else is constantly running out: toilet papers, diapers, milk, bread, egg, coffee and tea. And while you are up to your neck with house chores, your child and hubby (goodness sake!) is constantly in slow or off mode.
The fridge is empty (except for chocolates and ice-cream), and your stomach is empty too. Your breakfast has long turned rancid and is still lying on the breakfast table. Noon is approaching and you wonder where to find produce to dish out something for lunch.
Now, you even find doing the basics like drinking water and going to the bathroom such a nuisance. The best part is that you've forgotten whether you've had your bath or had brushed your teeth. You try to think back but you simply can't recall. And when was the last time you really looked at yourself in the mirror?
If hubby is not home, then your child will demand that you look at something mundane on the floor e.g. a strand of hair, and discuss at length about whose hair is it. Or he'll clamour at you to watch him wear a hat for the 11th time and tell him that he is handsome. Sometimes, he'll suddenly start to whine and cry because he didn't get 3 stars for whatever game that he is playing on the ipad.
When it's finally time for pre-school (2 hours only, cheapest yet most valuable service), you'll simply wish to totally 'switch off' for a while but no, you ended up running an errand, market for groceries, or preparing for your child's comeback and constantly checking the time (like an ant on a hotpot) for 2 hours to be up to fetch him home in time.
Then, it's the cycle of bathing, cooking, preparing snack, feeding, washing, coaxing, scolding, playing, changing, housework, etc.
If hubby is not home, then your child will demand that you look at something mundane on the floor e.g. a strand of hair, and discuss at length about whose hair is it. Or he'll clamour at you to watch him wear a hat for the 11th time and tell him that he is handsome. Sometimes, he'll suddenly start to whine and cry because he didn't get 3 stars for whatever game that he is playing on the ipad.
When it's finally time for pre-school (2 hours only, cheapest yet most valuable service), you'll simply wish to totally 'switch off' for a while but no, you ended up running an errand, market for groceries, or preparing for your child's comeback and constantly checking the time (like an ant on a hotpot) for 2 hours to be up to fetch him home in time.
Then, it's the cycle of bathing, cooking, preparing snack, feeding, washing, coaxing, scolding, playing, changing, housework, etc.
So, it is NEVERENDING. Yes, even if the child is asleep. You'll need to do the things that can't be done when he's awake e.g. washing toilets, ironing, or gobbling up your meals and visiting the bathroom yourself. In fact, there's no such thing as days off, weekends, or sick leave. There's no one to take over your child when you are down or away. You just have to grit on.
At night, you don't really get to fully fall asleep. He'll wake up due to hunger, wet bed, nightmares, or because he wants to play his new toy or practise his newfound skills like jumping and talking, all of that before he decides to fall back to sleep. Therefore, at 3 to 4 am in the wee hours of the morning, he left you wide awake, ready for a brand new day with just a pathetic 2 to 3 hours of sleep.
By afternoon, you're still rushing to complete your endless chores and praying hard that your baby can have a 15 min nap so that you can have a rest.
Actually, for the rest of the day, you can't really do anything else (not even read one full page of the papers) as the child will be asking endless questions, making endless requests, and hovering around, under, or over you - all that just to get your undivided attention.
Or else, he'll be constantly getting into some sort of danger, mess, damage, or filth, if left alone, even for just a few minutes.
On hubby's day off, you'll plan to go marketing in peace. Without the child in tow, you won't have to keep your eyes peeled on your child who is constantly in accident mode, scream at him or play catch-me-if-you-can if he decides to sprint off and disappear. To date, he's been missing for more than 10 times! Goodness. Thankfully, every time you managed to get him back from kind strangers and service counter staffs. You'll even find the following announcement familiar already.
Attention all shoppers, we have a 3 year old boy here wearing red shirt and blue jeans,... will the parents please pick him up at the counter on level 2, thank you.
[Aside: Every time I hear this, or when I found my child, I'll let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank goodness he is still alive. Once, he went missing in the zoo, near the tiger's den! Hubby and I almost freaked out. We searched frantically up and down the same tracks screaming for him for the next 40 mins. What if he manages to get inside the tiger's den? What if someone takes him away and I'll never see him again? A dreadful emotion overcame me. It was the worse feeling ever. I could feel my legs going weak and I almost couldn't breathe anymore. I was almost going to faint. Thankfully, we found him loitering at another spot, chatting with a little girl, oblivious to the fact that he is 'missing'. It was then that I realised the saddest thing that can ever happen to any parent is to lose their child. #thingsthatmychildputsmethrough
Now back to the supermarket. So, with hubby tending to your child at home, you did your marketing in pure peace and pick up the freshest produce for the family. You were grateful that your hubby is babysitting the child - until you reach home. You open the main door to a quiet home. You thought all's well and in place until you turn around the corner to this shocking sight: right there, toys and whatnots strewn all over the bedroom floor, with a stinky, sweaty baby sleeping ON TOP of the bookshelf, and with your hubby happily glued to his whatever gadget saying: "Hey, you're back! Jovie finished his lunch and is sleeping already! The dishes are undone though" Like they say, a woman has never gone through real marriage until she has felt like killing her husband.
So, the conclusion is...
Being a SAHM is really like running an endless marathon, where you'll alternate between going super fast or super slow, with hardly any quality rest and literally no end in sight. But nothing can replace the close bond between you, your child, and your husband that is build over time with your unrelenting love and undivided attention.
In between, I did work as a full-time working mom for the first three months of my baby's life. So, for your comparison, here's the summary of my short-term FTWM life, without a domestic helper.
Life as a FTWM (full-time-working-mom)
YOU ARE ON A SPRINT WITH PITSTOPS TO REST: You need to be on fast speed all over the place but you can have quality rests in between.
Working moms run the corporate "rat race". You wake up early in the morning at about the same time everyday for work. You're probably well-rested as you may have given the duty of child-minding to someone else while you have your beauty sleep (sometimes my MIL helped). Then you rush your child and husband to school or work and then rush to work yourself.
You reach your workplace finally and maybe you relax a bit, have a quick but peaceful breakfast, and chat to your co-workers merrily before diving into your sea of work.
And you work and work throughout the day. Busy, busy! Then, when it's time to knock off, it's time to rush everyone home and prepare/buy dinner. On the way, you pick up some groceries or other essentials and quickly head home.
After getting everyone to finish their dinner, you probably have to clear the dishes, the laundry, and do some house chores. You even have to run through your child's schoolwork, spelling or dictation (hubby really knows when to disappear), and feed them medicine or milk. Then you double checked the dates of birthday parties, parent-teacher meetings, enrichment classes and appointment dates of your child's next vaccination or doctor visit. You have to hold everything in place and not let anything run amok.
You are practically running all over the place (work, supermarket, mall, home, school, doctor's, personal errands), truly juggling both your career and family at one time. This is why you have to do things very fast and accurate. You also have multi-faceted roles to play and more people to deal with.
But usually you get to eat and sleep in peace. You can have weekends and rest days truly to yourself so it's not rare that you get to have your own quality time to dine, shop and relax without the worries of family duties. And the best thing is that you not only get to build your career, you've also got your own paycheck to spend. This screams independence!
Well, sometimes you do get torn between your career and family. When you are happily building your career, you feel guilty for not spending enough time with your child and missing out on his life. But as you get home, your whining child renders you to return back to work as soon as the weekend is over. #TGIM
Occasionally, you also worry that you did not put in as much effort and time into your work compared to your co-workers which may eventually cost you that promotion that you may have been working hard for all these years.
In any case, work is definitely stressful (or it wouldn't be called 'work' but 'play' instead). Thankfully, you may not have to rush home every single night after work so you get to meet up with friends for a chat, pedicure, facial, shopping spree or fancy dinner. And that's quality 'me' time.
So, the conclusion is...
Being a FTWM is like running short sprints (between work and family duties) with pitstops in between to rest. You love your work, but you love your family even more!
The Debate:
FTWM VS SAHM. Which is better?
If you are a full-time working mom you will be able to afford to buy your children the more expensive toys, send them to a better school, or take them to the more exotic holiday destinations. If you are a full-time stay home mom, you will be able to shower your children with your undivided love, attention and guidance.
As long as you know you are benefitting your child and enhancing their lives, there's no need to doubt whether you've made the right choice. In fact, there is no "right choice". There is only the "best choice" according to your family's unique situation at that point in time.