Have you ever come to the point that you find life meaningless and hopeless? Have you ever been feeling down for a long time, lost all interest in whatever is happening around you, can hardly smile, feeling like a living dead just going through the motions and nothing, just nothing, seems to bring you back to life?
You walk around listlessly and aimlessly, having lost all the enthusiasm of joyful living and wonder how other people cope with their lives and where their zest for life and happiness comes from.
I was, at some point, feeling like this before. I find life purposeless. I do have all the basic necessities of life and more, but I still feel empty. Many things didn't go the way I wanted but still, there are things happening beautifully in my life. The funny thing is, I was happier when I was poorer. So, it was not that I am not rich enough.
So, what is actually causing my misery? And how do I get out of my misery?
After so many years of searching for the source of my own misery. I came to a conclusion. A reality-in-your-face, and an inconvenient conclusion:
The cause of all misery is your self
The solution to all misery is letting go of the self.
This finding is based on the teachings of Buddha. It is inconvenient to people who cannot accept the fact that they are causing their own misery, not the people or events around them. Of course, one will be sad if they meet with an unfortunate event. But one can definitely choose how they are going to react to the event. It is a personal choice.
One's misery is also caused by being self-ish, only thinking to one's own advantage. This is only going to lead oneself to a miserable life. By letting go of your self, you'll end your misery right away.
For so many years, after so many setbacks in my life, I can really conclude that the best way to end my misery is to stop thinking about myself. Let go of this thing called "I". To stop being so self-ish, is to let go of my 'self', is to think for others, is to lead a happier life. Simple as that. Ironically but true, you actually find yourself or the purpose of your life by losing yourself.
"The best way to find yourself, is to
lose yourself in the service of others."
~ Mahatma Gandhi
PS: There is actually no permanent point of happiness in life based on getting the things you want. E.g. when I get that degree, that great job, that spouse, that home, that car, or that smart child, I'll be very happy. In fact, all excitement will pass sooner or later, and you'll never find that permanent sweet spot. It doesn't exist.
What will give you a permanent state of happiness will be when you stop thinking for yourself.
But how exactly do we do that?
My answer is:
Find someone or some meaningful reasons to go about your daily life.
For example: Everyday, I focused on nurturing my son's physical and mental growth, supporting my husband in anyway and making sure my elderly father-in-law has all his basic needs taken care of. I try to be a good mother, wife, and daughter as I go through my daily life.
If I go out and work, say, as an administrative executive, I will do my best in the job so as to benefit the people around me (my clients, my colleagues, and my employer) with my services. We just need to stay as useful and as current as possible to the society so as to achieve a meaningful life.
Of course, we still need to take care of our own basic needs: eat and sleep properly, exercise 150 minutes per week and have a healthy mindset. This is our own responsibility. But too much focus on yourself is unhealthy. So you must also spend time thinking for others (to forget about yourself). Offer your useful skills/service or simply lend a helping hand to someone as often as you can afford.
In a certain way, being able (as opposed to being dis-able) to give your service to people around you is a blessing in itself. It is a privilege that one should not take for granted.
What will give you a permanent state of happiness will be when you stop thinking for yourself.
But how exactly do we do that?
My answer is:
Find someone or some meaningful reasons to go about your daily life.
For example: Everyday, I focused on nurturing my son's physical and mental growth, supporting my husband in anyway and making sure my elderly father-in-law has all his basic needs taken care of. I try to be a good mother, wife, and daughter as I go through my daily life.
If I go out and work, say, as an administrative executive, I will do my best in the job so as to benefit the people around me (my clients, my colleagues, and my employer) with my services. We just need to stay as useful and as current as possible to the society so as to achieve a meaningful life.
Of course, we still need to take care of our own basic needs: eat and sleep properly, exercise 150 minutes per week and have a healthy mindset. This is our own responsibility. But too much focus on yourself is unhealthy. So you must also spend time thinking for others (to forget about yourself). Offer your useful skills/service or simply lend a helping hand to someone as often as you can afford.
In a certain way, being able (as opposed to being dis-able) to give your service to people around you is a blessing in itself. It is a privilege that one should not take for granted.
So, to end your misery soon, please go on and find a meaningful purpose for your life right now. Do not live with regrets. Go with the bottom of your heart. And if you really don't know where to start, ask yourself this magic question:
What is the most important thing in my life right now?
What is the most important thing in my life right now?
Is it your child, your career, your family, your friend, the need to pay the bills, or the need to rest? There must be something out there worth living. And you restart your life from here.