Essential Notes From a Stay-Home Mom

My 2 year old's hands at the A&E, midnight.
Note that the bones are not joined up yet.

I crushed my son's fingers. Refer to the above picture. As I close the metal storeroom door, he slid his fingers into the door hinge and so they were flattened out! I thought he's going to lose his fingers forever. Luckily, doctor say a 2 year old's hand is not fully formed so their bones are technically not joined up yet [see x-ray], so it's OK! My point here is: Moms, before you freak out or faint at your child's illness or accidents, check with the doctor first. In any case, I am sure there'll be a course of treatment that the doctors will recommend. Your child needs your support the most right now, so don't crumble. Stay strong, breathe in deeply, and don't give up. 

Stay-home moms work from dusk till dawn, all day, 365 days a year, without any pay, rest days, unless you faint, vomit, or collapse at the point of exhaustion. With the endless domestic cycle, you can get worn-out and yet feel unsuccessful everyday.

The best thing you can do is to have a schedule. Example:

Monday: Wash bed-sheets day
Tuesday: Laundry and iron (clothes and towels)
Wednesday: Run errands and playground (get out of that door to keep your sanity!)
Thursday: Quiet relax day (reading, home play, painting)
Fridays: Laundry and iron, plus buying groceries (food and supplies for Saturday and Sunday)
Saturday: Family day/outings (get out of that door again!)
Sunday: Family outings which ends with buying groceries (food and supplies for Mon to Fri)

All the illness and accidents of my child (compilation)

HFMD [Hand, foot and mouth disease] - with no obvious symptoms. Just ONE tiny spot/blister inside his mouth.

Stomach flu - vomit and diarrhoea. Let the virus "run its course" with doctor's medicine. Drink water to prevent dehydration. It is impossible to eat as he'll expel all the food in minutes. Do not force the child to eat if s/he is not hungry.

Ear infection with high fever lasting one month - downed antibiotics given by doctors. Watch out if your kid keeps pulling or scratching the ears - it may really be a ear infection. See doctor immediately.

Crushed fingers [see x-ray above].

Sensitive nose calmed down by persistent nose drop prescribed by doctor.

Huge insect bites - used Zam-buk cream.

Bumps/injuries/cuts from running, jumping, cycling, scooting - used Zam-buk cream.

Eczema - used Neoderm prescribed by doctors.

Fever of 38 to 41 degrees celsius lasting 5 days. See doctor immediately.

Tiny toys stuck up in his nostrils causing bleeding. We told him to blow out the toy real hard. Get medical help if you're unsure!

I cannot imagine my child going through all this alone. Especially with those virus with a vengeance!

I stay sane with 30 min pre-dawn brisk walks in the open park to "clear my mind" before the insaneness of a new day begins. So, when my hubby and son are still asleep, I'll sneak out of the house quietly at 5 or 6 am. This is my precious me time where I get to exercise in peace and sort of meditate or have a quiet moment. It's truly liberating. This is my much-needed sense of freedom before the daily 'chaos' begins.

Now that my child has finally attended pre-school, I feel that I can finally breathe easier. I also have more energy to laugh nowadays.

Being with my child 24/7 made me realise that there is really no obvious 'first words' or 'first steps'. They are actually gradual. You would figure out whether your child has really, truly spoken his/her first words or taken the first steps after a few tries.

Don't lose yourself completely. Resume the activities that you used to engage in prior to the arrival of your child. 

You probably have to be constantly cooped up in the house within the 4 walls, distancing yourself from the outside world. Reconnect with the world occasionally by getting out of the house. The park downstairs also counts!

Keep yourself abreast with what's happening out there even if you're mostly at home. E.g. When I have time, I'll watch the morning news while having my breakfast and also keep myself informed of the events in the world by reading online news, magazines and books.

Buy diapers, wet wipes, toilet paper and tissue paper in bulk so that you don't have to buy them all the time. I'm buying 2 to 3 big packs of diapers, toilet papers and tissue papers recently and I think it has made life breezier. They definitely don't get expired as fast as food or other perishable items which you may have to buy every 2 to 3 days to have them fresh. And you get to have the bulky items 'done with' perhaps only once every 2 months which saves you lots of hassle. 

You have to be more prudent in your spending given that there's a considerable amount of monthly income (yours) that is no longer there. 

Domestic duties can never be completely completed. If your back or ankles are giving way, rest!




Don't let gossips, criticisms and unkind remarks put you down. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, someone will still find fault. They are not you, they do not know what you went through, and they DO NOT need to be told what you went though. Just be sure that what you are doing is acceptable and right for you. Remember this always: it is impossible to please every single person in the world! Just smile, nod, and walk away.

Parenthood is a lifetime job. It's a tiring yet fulfilling process. You might dread every moment of your struggle but when you see the smile on your little one's face, you'll think that everything is ABSOLUTELY worth it. The love and undivided attention that you give them is priceless!

Try to lead by example. Not by rank, age, or threat (idea from Confucius). Remember, kids don't really listen to you (and your scoldings), they observe you! (idea from Sadhguru). So, if you expect them to drink more water, you drink it too. If you expect them to eat their greens, you have to eat them too.

Keep loose or unwanted papers, brochures, boxes, newspapers, safe paint, colour pencils, crayons, cardboard or magazines for impromptu art and crafts sessions - come in handy if you want your peaceful 5 mins bathroom trip!  

Make kids happy! I mean, not with expensive toys or outings. But just make them laugh heartily with simple activities like running around, swimming, or even doing simple housework together. Your companion should be their greatest joy. Trust me, they'll remember it for life and even carry that joyfulness throughout their lives. You may have just brightened up someone's life forever.

Now that my child and I survived the past 5 years, we're so much happier. We're really at the end of the tunnel. Recently, on alternate nights, I can finally have a taste of what it's like to have 5 hours of unbroken sleep. For an insomniac like me, this make me wake up feeling so refreshed! I had even changed my Pinterest file title from Mothering to Joys of Mothering. More so, my child has been free from any illness for the past six months - the longest healthy window period that I can remember.



Bad times will pass, surely. Even if it doesn't, you'll get used to it one day. Maybe things are not as depressing as you made it out to be. Remember, things REALLY could be worse. (Thank goodness my son isn't down with a chronic illness or something.) So, just look forward. Do something useful for someone. Bring your child to the playground or buy a small gift for someone special - anything positive.

Not So Tai Tai After All: Life of a SAHM

Hello folks! With 5 full years of stay-home experience, let me share with you what my typical day would be like. If you want to know what it's really like to be a stay-home parent, then you're reading the right article. Bear in mind though, that I have a hyperactive child, and no domestic helpers.

As much as I wanted to, and contrary to what my friends imagined it to be, I wasn't living a tai tai life by any measure - far from that! I would have been a full-fledged tai tai if I've had 2 domestic helpers (one to tend to baby and another to do housework) and lots of spare time and cash to spend throughout the day (shopping, spas and all). 

Now, let's get to it.

Life as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom)

YOU ARE ON AN ENDLESS MARATHON WITH NO PITSTOPS: You will either need to go super fast or go through periods of super slowness but you have to be constantly in 'on' mode with hardly any quality rest in between.

Think 5 mins bath, 5 mins to gobble up your meal and then spend the next one hour feeding your 3-year-old child one small bowl of food and another hour and a half waiting praying for him to fall asleep.

If you have no helpers, then you'll be on the domestic "rat race". The laundry is piling up continuously, there's a heap of wrinkled clothes waiting to be ironed, the toilets needs to be washed down as it's beginning to stink, and the child is crying again because of hunger, boredom, physical discomfort, or for no obvious reasons. And everything else is constantly running out: toilet papers, diapers, milk, bread, egg, coffee and tea. And while you are up to your neck with house chores, your child and hubby (goodness sake!) is constantly in slow or off mode. 

The fridge is empty (except for chocolates and ice-cream), and your stomach is empty too. Your breakfast has long turned rancid and is still lying on the breakfast table. Noon is approaching and you wonder where to find produce to dish out something for lunch. 

Now, you even find doing the basics like drinking water and going to the bathroom such a nuisance. The best part is that you've forgotten whether you've had your bath or had brushed your teeth. You try to think back but you simply can't recall. And when was the last time you really looked at yourself in the mirror?

If hubby is not home, then your child will demand that you look at something mundane on the floor e.g. a strand of hair, and discuss at length about whose hair is it. Or he'll clamour at you to watch him wear a hat for the 11th time and tell him that he is handsome. Sometimes, he'll suddenly start to whine and cry because he didn't get 3 stars for whatever game that he is playing on the ipad.

When it's finally time for pre-school (2 hours only, cheapest yet most valuable service), you'll simply wish to totally 'switch off' for a while but no, you ended up running an errand, market for groceries, or preparing for your child's comeback and constantly checking the time (like an ant on a hotpot) for 2 hours to be up to fetch him home in time.

Then, it's the cycle of bathing, cooking, preparing snack, feeding, washing, coaxing, scolding, playing, changing, housework, etc.

So, it is NEVERENDING. Yes, even if the child is asleep. You'll need to do the things that can't be done when he's awake e.g. washing toilets, ironing, or gobbling up your meals and visiting the bathroom yourself.  In fact, there's no such thing as days off, weekends, or sick leave. There's no one to take over your child when you are down or away. You just have to grit on. 

At night, you don't really get to fully fall asleep. He'll wake up due to hunger, wet bed, nightmares, or because he wants to play his new toy or practise his newfound skills like jumping and talking, all of that before he decides to fall back to sleep. Therefore, at 3 to 4 am in the wee hours of the morning, he left you wide awake, ready for a brand new day with just a pathetic 2 to 3 hours of sleep.

By afternoon, you're still rushing to complete your endless chores and praying hard that your baby can have a 15 min nap so that you can have a rest.

Actually, for the rest of the day, you can't really do anything else (not even read one full page of the papers) as the child will be asking endless questions, making endless requests, and hovering around, under, or over you -  all that just to get your undivided attention. 

Or else, he'll be constantly getting into some sort of danger, mess, damage, or filth, if left alone, even for just a few minutes.  

On hubby's day off, you'll plan to go marketing in peace. Without the child in tow, you won't have to keep your eyes peeled on your child who is constantly in accident mode, scream at him or play catch-me-if-you-can if he decides to sprint off and disappear. To date, he's been missing for more than 10 times! Goodness. Thankfully, every time you managed to get him back from kind strangers and service counter staffs. You'll even find the following announcement familiar already.

Attention all shoppers, we have a 3 year old boy here wearing red shirt and blue jeans,... will the parents please pick him up at the counter on level 2, thank you.

[Aside: Every time I hear this, or when I found my child, I'll let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank goodness he is still alive. Once, he went missing in the zoo, near the tiger's den! Hubby and I almost freaked out. We searched frantically up and down the same tracks screaming for him for the next 40 mins. What if he manages to get inside the tiger's den? What if someone takes him away and I'll never see him again? A dreadful emotion overcame me. It was the worse feeling ever. I could feel my legs going weak and I almost couldn't breathe anymore. I was almost going to faint. Thankfully, we found him loitering at another spot, chatting with a little girl, oblivious to the fact that he is 'missing'. It was then that I realised the saddest thing that can ever happen to any parent is to lose their child.  #thingsthatmychildputsmethrough

Now back to the supermarket. So, with hubby tending to your child at home, you did your marketing in pure peace and pick up the freshest produce for the family. You were grateful that your hubby is babysitting the child - until you reach home. You open the main door to a quiet home. You thought all's well and in place until you turn around the corner to this shocking sight: right there, toys and whatnots strewn all over the bedroom floor, with a stinky, sweaty baby sleeping ON TOP of the bookshelf, and with your hubby happily glued to his whatever gadget saying: "Hey, you're back! Jovie finished his lunch and is sleeping already! The dishes are undone though" Like they say, a woman has never gone through real marriage until she has felt like killing her husband.

So, the conclusion is...

Being a SAHM is really like running an endless marathon, where you'll alternate between going super fast or super slow, with hardly any quality rest and literally no end in sight. But nothing can replace the close bond between you, your child, and your husband that is build over time with your unrelenting love and undivided attention.

In between, I did work as a full-time working mom for the first three months of my baby's life. So, for your comparison, here's the summary of my short-term FTWM life, without a domestic helper.

Life as a FTWM (full-time-working-mom)

YOU ARE ON A SPRINT WITH PITSTOPS TO REST: You need to be on fast speed all over the place but you can have quality rests in between.

Working moms run the corporate "rat race". You wake up early in the morning at about the same time everyday for work. You're probably well-rested as you may have given the duty of child-minding to someone else while you have your beauty sleep (sometimes my MIL helped). Then you rush your child and husband to school or work and then rush to work yourself.

You reach your workplace finally and maybe you relax a bit, have a quick but peaceful breakfast, and chat to your co-workers merrily before diving into your sea of work.

And you work and work throughout the day. Busy, busy! Then, when it's time to knock off, it's time to rush everyone home and prepare/buy dinner. On the way, you pick up some groceries or other essentials and quickly head home. 

After getting everyone to finish their dinner, you probably have to clear the dishes, the laundry, and do some house chores. You even have to run through your child's schoolwork, spelling or dictation (hubby really knows when to disappear), and feed them medicine or milk. Then you double checked the dates of birthday parties, parent-teacher meetings, enrichment classes and appointment dates of your child's next vaccination or doctor visit. You have to hold everything in place and not let anything run amok. 

You are practically running all over the place (work, supermarket, mall, home, school, doctor's, personal errands), truly juggling both your career and family at one time. This is why you have to do things very fast and accurate. You also have multi-faceted roles to play and more people to deal with. 

But usually you get to eat and sleep in peace. You can have weekends and rest days truly to yourself so it's not rare that you get to have your own quality time to dine, shop and relax without the worries of family duties. And the best thing is that you not only get to build your career, you've also got your own paycheck to spend. This screams independence!

Well, sometimes you do get torn between your career and family. When you are happily building your career, you feel guilty for not spending enough time with your child and missing out on his life. But as you get home, your whining child renders you to return back to work as soon as the weekend is over. #TGIM

Occasionally, you also worry that you did not put in as much effort and time into your work compared to your co-workers which may eventually cost you that promotion that you may have been working hard for all these years. 

In any case, work is definitely stressful (or it wouldn't be called 'work' but 'play' instead). Thankfully, you may not have to rush home every single night after work so you get to meet up with friends for a chat, pedicure, facial, shopping spree or fancy dinner. And that's quality 'me' time. 

So, the conclusion is...

Being a FTWM is like running short sprints (between work and family duties) with pitstops in between to rest. You love your work, but you love your family even more!

The Debate:

FTWM VS SAHM. Which is better?

If you are a full-time working mom you will be able to afford to buy your children the more expensive toys, send them to a better school, or take them to the more exotic holiday destinations. If you are a full-time stay home mom, you will be able to shower your children with your undivided love, attention and guidance.  

As long as you know you are benefitting your child and enhancing their lives, there's no need to doubt whether you've made the right choice. In fact, there is no "right choice". There is only the "best choice" according to your family's unique situation at that point in time.  

Things To Do With My Spouse

No doubt, all couples have to go through their fair share of both sweet and bitter moments. But in the first place, isn't it wonderful to be able to find someone whom you could potentially spent the rest of your life with? I mean, what are the chances of finding reciprocal love and friendship? We should be grateful if we ever find it. So why don't we celebrate such blessings further by doing something memorable together? It would be really sweet to chat about it 20 years down the road. Here are the things that my hubby and I have done or is considering to do as a couple.

CLIMB A MOUNTAIN

Well, the highest 'mountain' in Singapore is our 163 metres tall Bukit Timah Hill. We will climb it once in a while. We'll egg each other on and stop to rest or have a drink if one of us need to. 'Conquering' a summit together just brings us closer and strengthens our camaraderie.



CYCLE AROUND TOWN
When we were younger, in our 20s (I'm in my 30s and he's hit 40 already), we could spend our weekend mornings cycling leisurely around town, stopping by makeshift stalls selling whatnots and visiting quaint shops. We even learnt little things about each other that could've been left unknown. Like he used to collect certain things and that I am a more agile cyclist than him.

EXPLORE YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD OR NEIGHBOURING COUNTRIES

If you have limited time for an extended vacation but still crying out for one, consider going nearby areas. For Singaporeans, if you live in the west, you can visit the northern or eastern part of the Singapore island. A pleasant surprise may be lurking in somewhere for you. Or you can have a short getaway in the neighbouring countries like Malaysia and Indonesia. Hubby and I used to travel to many parts of Malaysia by car. Having survived the sight of each other for about 10 hours car ride [to Cameron Highlands] is a testament that our marriage can go far. It meant that we are willing, as a couple, to resolve our differences - subtle or large.




EXPLORE THE NATURE
Visit local nature reserves, parks, rivers, gardens, forest, or take a boat ride to an off-shore island [e.g. St. John, Pulau Ubin, Kusu Island]. Priceless memories. I didn't know I can be so scared of large spiders and that hubby loves being near a river. In fact, he is now an avid nature photographer.




GO FREE AND EASY
If you are done with somewhat artificially-molded and time-fixed vacation with group tours, why not go for a free and easy tour and plan the itinerary yourself? You know you wouldn't want to visit another tea plantation or an uninteresting jewellery factory. And at certain places, you just want to stay longer or even want to leave earlier but unfortunately, it is necessary to wait for the whole tour group to get ready to move on. And sometimes, you simply just want to go back to the hotel to freshen up or catch a catnap.

With free and easy vacation, you will indeed have the freedom to do anything as and when you desire. For example, you can spend the whole morning at one place, relaxing and soaking in the local culture and atmosphere. You can even plan a little surprise for that anniversary or birthday. For a change, be a traveller, not a tourist.





BUY A NICHE TOGETHER
I mean those niches in columbarium where your urns will be stored after you pass away. Creepily romantic but, hey, everyone has to die one day right? There's really nothing to be afraid of. Natural death just means that your body has reached its expiry date (through wear and tear) and it's time to get a new one (reborn). And there's a saying that if your ashes are placed together, there's a higher chance that you'll meet each other again. Sounds superstitious, but no harm trying.




HIT THE BEACH ON NEW YEAR'S EVE NIGHT
When the clock strikes 12 on a New Year's Day, the ships out in the sea will release their SOS flare to mark the New Year. In Singapore, you'll see the sea lighting up in gentle red flares fired by the ships parked along the East Coast Beach. It'll be a much more lovely way to welcome the New Year as compared to the thundering fireworks with ear-splitting music. [think: a relaxing, quiet time sitting along the peaceful beach looking out into the night sea nibbling pastries and sipping hot chocolate]. But we may see less and less of this as it is unlawful to fire distress flares (expired ones) other than to call for real help.

Ship's flare released on New Year's Day. Sorry for the blur image but it was a really romantic night.

GO CLUBBING TOGETHER
At least once, hit the disco pubs together and watch each other's dance moves. Get ready to either fall in love again if he's got the moves or totally laugh out loud if he dances comically. It'll be an unforgettable night.




EAT OUT
Radar for restaurants that serve special cuisine and try them out together (e.g. South Indian, Arab, Vegetarian). Have joy in finding out each other's likes and dislikes in terms of taste.





WRITE DOWN LISTS TOGETHER
Write down a dream list together, side-by-side, on a piece of paper. Go through them, talk about them and fulfil them together. Or you can write down what both of you like about each other and talk about your feelings with each other. That day, I found the dream list that we wrote 5 years ago and we had an intimate time ticking off the list, planning which ones we should drop and how to go about the unfulfilled ones. One of the dreams is to have a child. And we did it!

Activities for Father and Son Bonding: For 3 to 5 Year Olds

At the Singapore Botanic Gardens
PS: Our first time witnessing ducks in a row - live! It really happens! Not only in storybooks.

It's the final month of the year again. A good time to review the year. They say you'll regret it if you do not spent enough time with your children while they're still young. Simply because they'll grow up and you cannot turn them back into little cubs ever again. And you'll miss those moments forever...

So, have the daddy and son been out together frequently this year? Perhaps this is a good time for some catch-up time especially if daddy is taking a long break. Here are the activities that my hubby and son did together. Hope you'll find these ideas inspiring. Enjoy your parenting moments!

• Do homework together. Try out how it feels to actually teach the kids how to read, write and do real homework. Daddy, if you think that tutoring a preschool kid is easy-peasy, think again.

• Play X-box: Play golf, shoot darts, kick balls or ride on the waves. All in the total comfort of your home. Super fun!

• An elaborated, leisure meal in the mall - with no nagging from the mom required since there's no clean up to do. [That's why I enjoy this very much]

• Cycling, scooting or head to the playground in the neighbourhood park. [I found some amazing neighborhood playground here. There's even one with a trampoline!]

• Visit fish/animal/vegetable farms and share the most sinful ice-cream. [We like the mostly-sheltered Qian Hu Fish Farm]

• Go overseas, take a cruise, have a staycation or experience a local farm stay.

• Visit libraries, kid's museum, science centre, zoos, kids' exhibitions, or just watch a kid's movie together in the cinema or at home. 

• Water play: Beach, swimming pool, water play zone at shopping malls or parks. Yes, daddies should get as wet as their little ones. 

• Visit nature reserves like forests and rivers for a picnic, walk about, catch insects, watch wildlife and take photos. 

• This is a classic: Read a book, at bedtime, in bed, right before dozing off to slumber land - together. As with many happily-ever-after stories, the day ends perfectly this way. If the boys are not bookish, they can play a round or two of any relaxing game (e.g. Candy Crush) just before bed. Either way, it's a great way to bond before bed.

Below are some captured daddy-son moments.

Fire Station Open House. Opened every Saturday morning.

Splashing good time!

At the River Safari (river-themed wildlife park).
Jovie just reached the min. height of 1.06m for this Amazon boat ride! So lucky :)

Amazon Flooded Forest

My painting of Hubby and Son (paint by numbers) where they spend their afternoons at the river in Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve [SBWR]. 

Note: SBWR is not only a smoke-free park, it's also wheelchair-accessible. I love! Meaning, not only the wheelchair bound folks can enjoy the greenery, it's also pram-accessible - no trouble at all even if the kids get too tired/lazy to walk or fall peacefully asleep in the wilderness. Remember to wear mosquito patches.

At the President's Homeground with extended family. The Istana's Open House.

See that red flag? It means Mr President is in the House.

Festive exhibitions, musical performances and market stalls selling food, beverages, popcorns and balloons awaits us! There are even bouncing castles!  

Hiking to the Singapore Quarry. Accessible via Dairy Farm Nature Park.

Singapore Quarry is actually just next to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve where you can hike to the summit of Bukit Timah Hill. But I find it unsuitable for kids below 5 as some parts are too steep to climb. Recently, it's undergoing restoration works though. So check them out before heading there to avoid disappointment.

If not, you can try the nearby Bukit Batok Nature Park just across the road to the southwest. There's a quarry there too with a few sand-filled playgrounds. Nearby toilets are available also.

Bukit Timah Hiking Trail

At the Singapore Discovery Centre (SDC). Free Admission and special movies for S'poreans and PR. Minimal fee for others.

On top of the Rocket Tower. Indulge in the tranquility of the vast nature at the Upper Seletar Reservoir Park.

Kite flying at the Marina Barrage

We can fly!

The Importance Of Reading To Your Child

An endearing note from the National Library Board to share with parents of young children. Please read with love.

... Reading and listening to stories are immensely rewarding activities, both emotionally and intellectually.

When we read to our children, we are sending them a message of love:

"I love you and give you one of the most valuable gifts I have - my time and uncompromising attention. I want to make you happy and have the pleasure and joy of my companionship and love."

As our little ones sit on our laps and snuggle up to us, the physical closeness bonds us emotionally, allowing us to embrace the excitement of listening to a story and reading a book together. 

It does not matter whether you are reading from a book, a tablet or a wall poster, as long as you read it with all your heart and 100% attention.

My one-year-old botak. #TBT (A Throwback Thursday, may I?)

Essential Notes for First-time Parents

Pic from Mount Alvernia magazine

Dear all, after 5 years worth of first-hand, stay-home parental experience, may I present to you, the essential notes for all first-time parents, mommies and daddies alike. 

These are random parental notes and tips from myself and anywhere that feeds me information. 'Anywhere' means: family, friends, neighbours, newspapers, books, magazines, radio, TV, internet, conversations from strangers - everywhere! This includes tips that I'd wished someone told me earlier. Hope you'll find them helpful as you go through your daily child-rearing routine.

1. Re-prioritise what truly matters, now that things have changed (there's a new member in the house). Do not sweat about the things that are not so important now e.g. keeping the house in 'showroom' condition. It is tempting to leave a good impression for home visitors but those who are parents themselves should understand that it is not easy to keep the house neat all the time with kids.


And life, as you know it, will never be the same again with a newborn. The morning coffee and news, the romantic dates, elaborated dinners and overseas vacation will not happen anymore. At least, not in the near future. But rest assured, when things mellow out, and with good planning, you can always return to your favourite things.

2. Have a handy camera (a proper camera phone counts. I used my trusty ipod touch 5) and take pictures or videos of precious moments with your baby and you together. Sometimes, you only have one chance to capture certain moments, say, the first time your baby pulls to a stand or the first time you see your baby walking the very first steps. But do not do it excessively. Have a reasonable target, say, 5 photos and a video a day or a week, depending on how much time, energy, and helping hands you have. Spouse can chip in too.


PS: Do you know that you can actually take screenshots (meaning, take photos), from the video you've taken on your ipod/ipad/iphone? I find this very helpful in capturing natural moments instead of deliberately freezed moments. This is Context vs Content. I prefer capturing the event or a beautiful moment (context: e.g. my son feeding the birds happily with the feelings/emotions and interaction and environment [wind, fresh air] all inclusive) rather than just what's in the photos (contents: the birds and my son). 


In addition, it's hard to freeze babies and active kids for a proper photo too. To counter that, I would take a video of my son mingling with the birds in the garden first, and then much later, in my free time I will create photos out of this video clip. 


Firstly, in the video's pause mode, I'll screen through the video using the video slider. Then, I'll choose the perfect and clear shot and take a screenshot/photo (press the on/off button and the main circular button at the same time to take a photo. Don't forget to tap off the time and slider indicators on the screen - you are taking a real photo here). 


In this way, I can capture the 'perfect' moment, for example, where the birds were just flying off and my son smiling happily. If it's no good, I'll screen the video again until I get the best shot. I find photos captured this way very beautiful. And you'll hardly miss a moment. In short: You take videos first. Worry about the photos later. The main downside of this is that you have to have ample disk space for the large video files of course. 

3. One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to plan your sleeping time very well. Especially so if you are a light sleeper and prone to insomnia like me. I just can't doze off as and when I desire, like my hubby! If you have enough proper sleep, (even a 3- or 4-hour unbroken power nap counts) you'll have the energy to carry out your parental duties and better enjoy your newly-minted parenthood.

4. Exercise in the morning before baby (and the whole family, and the whole world) wakes up and feel energised for the rest of the day. You can even plan out the things to do for the day or mentally sort out some daily issues while you're jogging. This is a short period of precious, private, and peaceful alone time that you may need everyday. It's somewhat like a morning meditation before the rush hour.

Catch the morning fresh, peaceful air everyday!

5. Allocate a drawer for your little one in the house and fill it with baby-friendly stuff like baby utensils (cups, bowls), teething toys, soft toys or books. My child has one drawer in the kitchen which keeps him occupied while I prepare some light meal. Note: remember to childproof the rest of the drawers especially those with knives and scissors. You can show your child his/her drawer (I said, Jovie, look! This is your drawer! And those are mommys' drawers, do not open those ok?) and hopefully s/he'll leave the other drawers alone. Jovie also has another drawer in the living room to occupy his time so that I can get 10 minutes of undisturbed breakfast. 

A satisfied tot is the one with a kitchen drawer.

6. Do you have packets of new and unused nappies and don't know what to do with them? You may be surprised that nappies can actually do much more than containing pee and poo. I find them useful in the following instances.

• Used as a cushion/pillow in seats, beddings and prams to hold up baby or protect baby from hard surfaces. Just fold them till they're thick and cushiony. 
• An extra and makeshift baby wrap, 'blankie' or blanket. Especially when we're in arctic-cold air-conditioned places.
• As a towel or simply as an emergency nappy especially during overseas or for longer trips.
• Used it to wipe off excessive sweat, or spills, mess, vomits and to wipe off accidental pees and poos. 

7. When baby has just started out on solid foods try to buy organic fruits and vegetables as much as you can. It's for the developmental health.

8. I started to feed my thin and frail boy 2 teaspoon of cod liver oil every morning when he was 3 years old. And he started to gain weight steadily, sleeps and eats better, and falls sick less frequently. 

9. I'm almost on bended knees while I heralded this as my saviour. Super large-sized diapers (XXL: for 15-25kg-ers) that can hold more pee, made esp. for boys (considering their willy is on the front, so I suppose it's front-spill protected, or higher absorbency at the front area). I was on the graveyard shift where I need to change my boy's soaked diapers - oftentimes his PJs and beddings too - every single night for about 4 years... until one day, I found this on the supermarket shelf.


From that day, instead of waking up every other hour or two to check whether my baby is soaked in his own pee, I can finally (for crying out loud), FINALLY, have unbroken sleep of 3-5 hours. This change really made a huge difference to the quality of my daily life. Talk about quality sleep = quality life. All I want now is to have a proper sleep. Nothing. Else. Matters.

10. Change baby's toothbrush or teething toothbrush every 3 months or after a bad bout of illness (flu, cough, infection, etc), whichever happens first. Live bacteria, germs and viruses may reside in the brushes if they're not properly sterilized. If not, you can wash the toothbrush in hot water too.

11. Decide on a daily routine for the baby and the main caregiver. Once everyone gets into the groove, the days will be such a breeze. E.g. 7.30am: Everyone wakes up, bathe and feed baby.... 9am: morning walk followed by second feeding... and so on. Take this as a rough guide to usher you through the day smoothly. Change routine accordingly if necessary.





12. Introduce a blanket (blankie) to your baby and use it as a cue for sleeping time. It also gives the baby a sense of security with the familiar smell. Be sure to buy anti-dust trapping ones especially if your little one has a sensitive nose.





13. With baby's clothes so much smaller than normal, it's good to keep them neat and well-organized. Place clothes in their respective compartments, e.g. Outing clothes, dresses, onesies, tops, pants, skirts, clothes too big, etc. Invest in kid's hangers and some wardrobe compartments.

14. Write down the things that you have to do in a notepad. It'll give you a clearer picture of the whole situation. Do the important things first and cross out the list as you go along. Do not overwhelm yourself. Tackle one thing at a time. If you can't finish it today, continue tomorrow. Whenever I realise I have to do or buy something, I'll hurry to my notepad and write it down immediately. Then, I'll plan when to do or buy them.


Sometimes, I'll call hubby to pick something up at the supermarket on his way home if it's urgent. And during my sporadic downtime, I can refer to my notepad and probably complete some quick online errands e.g. personal banking, pay bills, order something, research about baby illness/health etc. And just before I head out the door for my market trips, I just need to tear out the consolidated grocery list on my notepad. So efficient. This saves me a lot of stress as I do not have to constantly keep in mind what is needed to be done, which can be really exhausting.


Extra tips: In a separate notebook, you can also note down all those countless passwords to the important websites that you frequent (how else do people keep track of all those passwords that one has to change frequently?) Guess what, my hubby sort of joined in the fun and noted down all his passwords (for both home and work) plus other important notes, dates, personal, insurance, doctor's, and baby's information in my notebook too. Now this notebook has become The Family Book. It is so important that I have to keep it somewhere discreet and away from the kids.





15. Delegate tasks to someone if you can. If someone needs to buy the birthday presents for the nephew, ask your hubby to pick up a toy set on the way home. If someone needs to collect the christmas cake, ask your sister or brother to do so on the way to your house. You get the picture. Don't be a superwoman all the time and do every single thing yourself. If someone offers to help, graciously accept it.





16.  Buy a walker with a cushioned bumper that'll protect your furniture from bumps and scratches. I make-do with cushioned tapes which I lined around my baby's walker (it's a free gift) so that he can bump all he wants.





17. You can buy a lot of affordable and useful kids stuff from IKEA. Furniture, bedding, clothes organisers, dining essentials (bowl, cup, fork, spoon, bib), toys and even child-proofing gadgets. You can also improvise. I bought a thick mattress protector and used to as a floor mat for my child. And I used the iconic IKEA blue carrier bag to store my child's toy. Preferably put one set or similar type of toys in one bag. And only one bag should be taken out from the storeroom at a time. I am a military mom like that.

Ikea's child-proofing gadgets

PS: All parents please be aware that blind cords can kill babies and kids! Please read this.





18. Compile what you need to buy and try to do it in one trip instead of a few to save time and trips. Buy more of the same essential stuffs if possible to save more trips.

19. Occupy your child with educational apps on gadgets if you need to focus on a quick task say, washing the dishes or answer an important call while you keep one eye on your child. After some time, skim through the games, delete old, weary ones and load new, age-appropriate ones as you deem fit.





20. Make little guidelines of your own to stay sane. Example, rest/sleep when baby is sleeping, (the laundry can wait a bit), make supermarket trips every Tuesdays and Thursdays after hubby got off from work and take over the baby so that you can buy home and personal stuff in peace and have a much needed breather from the baby-caring routine. You can even mete out some house rules like: turn all clothes outside in and zip or button up all your own clothes before putting them in the laundry bin. You know, it's all those little things that take up all your time. Setting up all these rules helped to keep me from drowning - they're like my life lines. So, go on and make your own personal rules or guidelines. This is your life. Take charge of it!




And now for a little laugh. This just gets me.

Strapping down the baby - frustrating yet funny at the same time :)

This comic brings me back so much laughter.

How To Truly Enjoy Every Moment of Your Life

They say you can learn anything from just about everyone in your life. For me, this includes my son. You see, he has this innate and immerse joy for life. Indeed, he lives up to his name Jovie, which is the shortened version of:

Joie de vivre , or the joy of living.

As kids, we are probably truly happy, without worries and all. But now, as we grow older, where did all that joy go?

For this, I actually found the answer through my boy. He simply loves being alive.

My son with his mouth agape: the tiniest and craziest boy in class.

He could be this happy throughout the day (minus his sporadic cries) and I always wonder how he did it. So, this is the ultimate question: How is he able to keep himself so happy all the time? He seems to be enjoying every moment of his life. No doubt, children do not have the responsibilities and burdens like adults do but it doesn't hurt to learn a skill or two from them about staying happy right? Perhaps you may even find back the joy that left you years ago! And so, I set out to investigate for a few months and came up with the following conclusions:

  

1. He remembers and elaborates on happy things, repeatedly. When he just turned three, he began to talk about things that he remembers. And it's not only about random things but happy things. And also, he keeps repeating them. I guess he likes to repeatedly elaborate on happy events. Example, once he repeatedly talked about a happy outing: Mommy, you remember, that day we went to the beach with papa? It's so nice, hahaha... Perhaps we can do that too by thinking about happy events in our life or go through photos of good 'ol times? So c'mon, let's reminisce. Let us indulge in our pleasant memories (instead of wasting our days in bad ones).

2. He does not dwell on sad events for long. Of course, like normal kids, he goes through his fair share of frustrations, misery and sadness but it appears that he chose to minimise them. He cries and whines but will soon revert back to his jovial self again. Sometimes, when I asked him about a toy that he couldn't buy, he'll go: Oh, nevermind, it's ok mommy.

3. He finds life pretty funny, and laughs about it. The immerse joy that radiates from within him is amazing. He's simply happy and having fun (I used to be like that and I'm trying to get that joy back!). In fact, when I joked about wanting to smack his naughty Papa's buttocks he said to smack him instead. When asked why he's sacrificing for Papa he replied: Oh haha, because you are quite funny. So my son thinks that Mommy being in an angry rage and smacking his buttocks funny?!

It's like I can almost feel his heart beating with joy. Please see x-ray of his heart ==>  {^_^}

As opposed to a heart that is beating with anger, hatred, or sadness, let us allow our hearts to beat with joy!

4. He loves everyone. When people asked him who he loved most, he didn't choose anyone. Instead, he chose everyone! As much as I hope I am the one he loves most, I actually find him loving everyone in the family very comforting. It's a little struggle for the mommy who supposedly gave her all but deeper down, I know it's good for him and it'll bring him more joy in the long run. Like the saying goes: Inclusiveness is the fundamental solution to everything.

5. He hopes that everyone is happy. When I get angry, he'll go: Mommy don't get angry, be happy! Sometimes, out of the blue, he'll ask: Mommy are you happy? And I truly think that he hopes the people around him are happy. He likes to make people laugh with his silly remarks and antics. When he sees you laughing while he swings and dances crazily, he'll do it again and again just to make you laugh. Aww... isn't that sweet. Doesn't it feel good to bring joy to the people around you? And joy is contagious right? It might even get back to you one day :)

PS: On our very first parent-teacher meeting, my son's teacher actually told me that "it is such a joy to have him in class". Gosh, I'm a proud mom already. Proud that he could bring joy to the people around him. My little rascal could grow up to be the Mr Nice Guy, perhaps?




6. He doesn't hanker after what others have. Once, he saw some of his classmates riding brand-new skate scooters to school. When his father asked him whether he wants to have one, he replied: No, mine's in NaiNai's (grandma's) place. One is enough. Although the scooter at grandma's is an old hand-me-down, he doesn't hanker for a new one. I am happy that he is able to live his own life and not live like someone else. I'm working on this one since our household income has drastically reduced. Live my own way of life and not hankering for what others may have.





7. He lives with all his heart. What I mean is: Whatever he set out to do, he'll do it with all his heart (this unfortunately includes naughty things!). And wherever he goes, he'll go with all his heart. He is simply 100% involved. You can see that through his eyes, his hands and legs twitches and butt shakes. Nuff' said.

8. Sickness doesn't take his joy away. There was once, he was terribly sick. He had a serious bout of ear infection and was ill for the entire month. Despite being in pain, high fever and all, he remained happy. I could feel his pain, fears, and tiredness but apparently, he did not equate sickness with sadness. Sickness is not equal to sadness, he decided. Perhaps I should do the same by forgetting all my bodily pains and start living life as well as I can.




9. He doesn't care how he looks like and how other thinks he looks like. Well, at least for the time being. Sometimes, are we too engrossed in or obsessed with looking good all the time that we forget the other more important matters and people in our lives? But, of course, we should at least be clean and neat.




10. He doesn't give up easily. I like this because I think he takes after me for this. Oftentimes, I can see enthusiasm and determination in full force. If he doesn't get what he wants, he'll try again and again. E.g. If he really wants to go somewhere, he'll ask again tomorrow, and tomorrow again until the parents surrender.



11. He blooms wherever he is. I can simply put him anywhere and he'll just be able to find something to enjoy doing. Is this the toddler's version of resilience? So, no matter where I bring him, he can find joy and happiness. Let us bloom wherever we are and whoever we are with.

Zambuk for joy! Sorry, it's jumping for joy.
Handyplasts and Zam-buk standby.

12. He makes friends easily. This is because he is friendly to everyone. And this is regardless of the skin/hair/eye colour, spoken language, and even age. He can be speaking to an old uncle in one instance and then blending seamlessly into a group of children who already knew each other at the next moment.





13. He enjoys everything he's doing. This may sound like a no-brainer but are we really, truly, enjoying ourselves even if we're doing our favourite stuffs? I mean, two plastic balls can keep him joyfully entertained for hours. Even walking is a tremendous joy to him.





14. He is super curious. He has this unbeatable thirst to explore and learn about things. Learn to speak, count, sing a song, press for the lift, use the escalator, wear shoe (except, he refuses to eat on his own and demands that I feed him!). I find that on a certain level, curiosity is the fundamental motivation of life. Once you lost that, you'll stop living.

Jovie thinking: What's that on the wall? I must scrape it off and see!
Mommy screaming: Jovie! Stand straight! Stop moving!

15. It's difficult to purposely make him sad or angry. He is too busy being happy, living in the moment that it's difficult to tone him down (by making him sad or angry) to talk serious business - which gets on my nerves. But still, we can learn from my son to be less easily swayed by the mean people around us. Don't let people who don't matter spoil our day or life!





16. He doesn't mind being alone. He can be alone, he enjoys his own company, and he can find joy all by himself. Of course, he likes company but he knows how to bask in solitary joy as well.



Certainly, one day, my boy's joy will subside as he grow up, especially when he enters adulthood which comes with its usual issues (study, money, relationships). But I really hope that my son and my readers out there too, can be as joyful as possible and bloom wherever you are!



Before we go, let me share this wonderful video with you. This made me laugh and then cry at my own narrow mind. I should stop keeping all that joy inside of me already. Indeed, you are what you exude, not what you withhold within yourself. [Note: Sadhguru is a spiritual master with a difference. I find him funny and is the wisest man ever. Many of his philosophies are so enchanting. I've learnt so many amazing perspectives of life through him.]

True indeed. Compared to the universe, we're merely tiny specks of temporary living being. The earth is still revolving the right direction, all your family and friends are still with you, and you are still alive, so what's there to be sad about?



And this made me come to the following realisation:

Happiness is when you can see that every moment is
The Perfect Moment.

~ Lio