10 Games To Play With Your Toddler At Home

Staying home with your toddler and fretting over what interesting activities to do? There are so many things that can keep you and your cub happily occupied without the electronic gadgets taking over all the time. Choose from one of the following tried-and-tested games and remember, the most important thing is to have fun. So, put your work, household chores, parental duties and errands aside for a while. All your baby needs is you :)






and the mess begins...



1. Imitate
Imitate your child's actions or encourage him to imitate you. You can jump, talk (babble), laugh, wave, kick, clap, bow, dance, skip, scramble, turn in circles, hug or anything that both of you like. He'll love it! Recite what you are doing (clap! clap! jump! dance!) to improve his vocabulary.



2. Face game
Sit face-to-face with your child, probably on your lap/lower tummy, resting his back on your raised thighs. Do the following to each other: Pinch nose, poke ear, touch a mole, kiss hand, smell head, pinch cheeks, kiss face, kiss forehead, etc. Same thing here, recite what you are doing for an educational boost. Remember to have fun ;)


3. Play Tag (catching)
Imagine you or your child as a little monster, and this monster loves and goes after diapers, toes, belly buttons, bums, tummies, t-shirts, etc. This one is really hilarious. My son went crazily happy while running all over the house. Encourage him to shout for help. Show your child how you do it. Somebody help me pleeease!



4. Sticker game
Get some small stickers (or clean paper/sticky tape) and stick them onto each others' body parts after you call out their names. E.g. Where is our..... nose! So, your child and you stick a sticker each on each others' noses and so on. Try on fingernails, toes, ears, etc.



5. Kick a ball
Simply just throw or kick a cotton soft or plastic ball all over the house - it's free play!



6. Draw and scribble
Prepare some colour pencils or crayons and place a sketch book or some blank papers on the floor. Encourage your child to draw and scribble (for easier cleaning, do this on tiled floor instead of wooden ones). Advice: Your child may first end up tearing the papers! It's ok as tearing trains his eye-hand coordination and finger dexterity. Perhaps you want to try a week or two later. And when he is ready, you can encourage him by showing him how you draw. E.g. draw the outline of some of his smaller toys, like a car. Or draw the outline of your child's and your feet and hands.

7. Sing and dance
Turn on the music, whether on the radio or TV, let the music take over and dance yourselves silly-happy. That day, my son was moving so suavely to the beat of an X-factor (Season 3) contestant's self-composed song and I seriously think he's got mommy's grooves already! You'd better ask me to dance, you'd better ask me to dance.




8. Play snack
Anytime can be a playtime for a toddler, even during mealtimes. Exploration of the world shouldn't be prohibited at the dinner table. Well, at least you can make exceptions for snack time, yes? If he doesn't eat his snack, you can always load up at lunch or dinner time.

So here, you can prepare your child's snacks and watch him explore and eat his food with his fingers or baby fork and spoon. Prepare to clean up as this can be the messiest of all the other 'games', so do it when you've had a good night's sleep. I used to put him up on a high chair which sits on a pile of newspapers underneath and I do it just before his usual morning bath. Schedule uninterrupted. Snacks can be: small and soft pieces of fruits, bread, cheese, nuts, cheerios.



9. Read and explore a book
Get hold of age-appropriate books and cards for your toddler to read and explore. Teach him how to turn pages, flip cards, read from left to right, recognise letters and so on. Pronounce words purposefully or even exaggerate as you read. Your child may look at the shape of your lips and tries to say a word or two. You may want to try with cloth books first if your child kept tearing up the book's pages.



10. Gadgets
These should be the final choice as it can be very anti-social. They inhibit real-life human interaction which is what your child really needs. It's easy to fall into the trap of letting electronic gadgets babysit your child while you do the important chores, but gadgets can be a great educational aid if your child is playing with the right games, so choose wisely. My son learnt his primary colours through ipad. One day, he just began to point to anything in blue and said Blue! And try to limit the playtime [rest 15 mins after every 45 mins] and play it with him as much as possible to prevent the early onset of myopia and to retain the human factor respectively.

Travel Essentials Checklist

It's the June school holidays! Whether you are travelling to somewhere with or without your kids, let this list of travelling essentials help you. Put aside whatever tensions that you may have for the length of your trip. The most important thing now is to enjoy the trip with your loved ones or fully enjoy your own company :)

For Adults:

Personal Essentials

1. ID with photo, name, birthdate and preferably address, blood type, etc.
2. Passport [validity - not expiring within 3 to 6 months. Check with destination airport].
3. Air tickets, visa, hotel booking vouchers, tour tickets.
4. Doctor's letter, especially if one is carrying medicine or is an expectant mother. Do check out the restrictions on flying with the respective airlines. Also, be sure to know the restrictions on tobacco, alcohol, other taxable/restricted/prohibited goods and cash/cheque at the airport customs. You may need to declare them or be taxed for them.
5. Wallet [with ID, credit cards, adequate foreign currency and local currency when you are back].
6. Personal gadgets and their respective chargers. Good to bring a universal adapter. Gadgets include: Handphone, tablets, music player, earpiece/speakers, calculator, camera, camera stand/stick/memory cards/batteries, etc.
7. Personal accessories: Watch, sunglasses, scarf, hat/cap, earings, necklace, hair band/clip, etc.
8. Personal medications/first aid: Panadol, aspirin, asthma-related meds, band-aid, medicated oil, essential oil, eczema cream, insect repellant, etc. Please remember your doctor's prescription letter.
9. Others: Books, magazine, umbrella, water bottle, journal and pen, favourite instant coffee/tea, wet wipes, tissue, hand sanitizer.

Toiletries

1. Toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, tongue cleaner, mouthwash.
2. Shampoo/conditioner, body wash, facial wash.
3. Comb, hair gel, facial tissue, pimple cream, lip balm, moisturizer, sunblock, tweezers, shaver, shaving cream, sanitary pad/panty liner, deodorant/perfume, cosmetics and skincare products [e.g. mask, bodyscrub].

Clothing

1. Sets of clothing [one for each day]
2. Sets of underwear, bra, socks [one for each day]
3. Sets of jacket/winter wear [gloves, ear muffs, etc, as needed]
4. Sets of pyjamas [one for each night]
5. Swimming costumes/trunks, beach towels, beachball, surfing board
6. Sets of shoes, heels, slippers [as needed]

* Bring a few big plastic bags to house worn/dirty clothes.

* Put each individual's clothing into one plastic bag for easy retrieval [with each day's set of clothings/underwear folded together as a bundle].

  

For Children/Babies:

Personal Essentials

1. Wallet and ID [if any] with photo, name, birthdate and preferably address, blood type, etc.
2. Passport [check validity: not expiring within six months].
3. Air tickets, visa, hotel booking vouchers, tour tickets.
4. Doctor's letter, especially if child is carrying medicine.
5. Adequate diapers with wet wipes, tissue, nappy cream, changing mat and hand sanitizer.
6. Water bottle, packets of milk, milk powder/bottle/stirrer, soap and sponge to wash milk bottles [usually, passenger is allowed to bring baby liquid milk just enough for the length of flight. Please check with respective airline/airport].
7. Favourite toy/book/gadgets with chargers/batteries.
8. Watch, sunglasses, scarf, hat/cap, hair band/clip, medicine [if any]. 

Toiletries

1. Toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, tongue cleaner, mouthwash.


2. Shampoo/conditioner, body wash, facial wash [For babies, it's best to bring just one no-tears head-to-toe wash].


3. Comb, hair gel, facial tissue, moisturizer and sunblock.

Clothing (same as adults)

1. Sets of clothing [one for each day]
2. Sets of underwear, bra, socks [one for each day]
3. Sets of jacket/winter wear [gloves, ear muffs, etc, as needed]
4. Sets of pyjamas [one for each night]
5. Swimming costumes/trunks, beach towels, beachball, surfing board
6. Sets of shoes and slippers [as needed]

#For babies, bring mittens, booties, onesies, beanie, sleeping wraps, pacifiers, toys, strollers, baby carrier and all essential baby stuff as needed. Bring cotton swaps to clean baby's eyes and face and bring a small cotton handkerchief to clean teeth and mouth.

* Bring a few big plastic bags to house worn/dirty clothes.

* Put each individual's clothing into one plastic bag for easy retrieval [with each day's set of clothings/underwear folded together as a bundle].

Extra tips:

1. Make sure you did not exceed the maximum allowable dimensions and weight for both check-in and hand-carry luggage.
2. Check which items are prohibited e.g. liquid items in equal or less than 100ml containers and up to a total of 1 litre of liquid is allowed in each hand-carry luggage. Also, check rules on baby milk and food.
3. Arrive and check in at least 2 hours before flight. Check the boarding gate and time properly. Sometimes, you'll need to walk a sizeable distance to reach the gate. This can easily take you 15-30 minutes, perhaps even more if you are unfamiliar with the airport. Most airlines close the gates on time!
4. Make sure there are enough memory cards to take photos and videos on your camera. It's good to clear disk space a few days before departure.
5. Bring clothings that you have been meaning to discard e.g. the totally worn out shirt/underwear can be worn [as your PJ, perhaps] for the final time before discarding it.
6. Inform family, relatives, or neighbours about trip and get help to collect mail/milk/morning papers/deliveries, water plants, look after pets, etc., if required.
7. Clear your fridge of perishable items [fruits, vegetables, unfrozen meat, milk, opened packages, eggs, yogurt].

Leaving-home tips:

1. Remove all batteries from remote controllers to prevent batteries damaging the controllers if they leak/corrode.
2. Check online for any flight delays or cancellations.
3. Switch off all gas-related inlets and power to all electrical appliances [e.g. boiler or hotpot], electronic gadgets [TV, hi-fi systems, internet, even if they are on stand-by mode. But do not off power sources to home alarm systems or surveillance cameras], and off the power to your aircon's main switch [aircon units could be turned on automatically if there is an interruption/surge of the electrical supply e.g. a lightning strike. It happened to me].
4. To burglar-proof your home, switch off the ringer of your house phone [a constantly ringing phone with no one picking up indicates that no one is at home]. And also, lock your windows and draw your curtains so that the burglar cannot make sure that no one is at home and thus, cannot carry out his breaking in.
5. Close all toilet seats, check pipings for water leakage and drain away all stagnant water to prevent mosquito breeding.

How To Overcome Your Difficulties and Find Long-term Happiness

We all go through some kind of difficulties in our daily life. It does not matter if you are young or old, rich or poor.

There was once a young beautiful woman who is getting married to her Prince Charming at a 5-star hotel, princess-style. Her family, friends and colleagues are there to share her joy. On cue, the doors opened and she walked into the grand hall with her husband amidst the wedding music, loud cheers and applause. She was the most beautiful and happiest bride ever.

But later, someone found out that just minutes before striding into the hall, there was a commotion about letting her biological father attending her wedding which was stopped by her single mother. Her tears of joy, as all her wedding guests sees it, were actually tears of utter sadness, disguised by forced smiles throughout the night. That night was probably the saddest night of her life.

But what did we see? We mistakenly see her as happy and problem-free.


There was once a rich and happy old man who was respected by many in his line of work and leading a seemingly stress-free life. But, who would have known, what pain he carries with him every single day of his life? Forty years ago, he lost his 3-year-old son in a road accident. His son was playing near the road and suddenly dashed across to an oncoming car. His son died on the spot, in front of his own eyes. He cried whenever he thought or talked about his son.

These go to show that everyone faces some kind of problems even if one is beautiful, rich or famous. If not, then the enviable, famous and rich celebrities would not have turned to drugs and suicide for comfort.

As a healthy start towards finding your ultimate happiness, remember this in your head:

Do not always think that the person next to you is definitely happier, richer, more famous and capable than you. Remember, everyone carries with them their own set of everyday problems. And do not habitually accentuate and exaggerate your 'problems'. They may not be as bad as you think.

So, if being pretty and having/earning lots of money is not going to give you the long-term happiness that everyone is looking for, how else do we attain true happiness?!

Before I go on to share how one can overcome problems and difficulties, and find lasting happiness let us just go along the list of stressors that one may encounter in life so that we can better see what exactly our problems are. Which ones are you currently facing right now? Like many other people, I have encountered many of these stressors myself.

1. Weight issues [this one is popular in my household: my hubby and son are stick thin, which makes me 'feel' fat all the time!]
2. Physical/mental stress e.g physical pain, emotionally drained.
3. Childhood issues like abuse, abandonment, parent's separation.
4. Low self-esteem, low confidence: Feel inadequate, worthless, not good, smart, able, beautiful, or rich enough. [I felt like a total failure when I couldn't find a job within three months after graduation. Later, I told myself that it was partly due to the 2008 world economic crisis and that I should not give up trying again.]
5. Poor relationship: with family, in-laws, friends, neighbours, boss, colleagues, clients/customer.
6. Love: Unrequited love, unhappy romantic relationship.
7. Coping strategies or mechanism are suddenly down: Not positive, hopeful, conscientious, lost determination.
8. Involved in an accident, robbery, molest, rape or being bullied online, at school/work or other life traumas.
9. Problems with spouse or child: difficult or problematic spouse or child e.g. disobedient child or drunkard/abusive spouse, divorce and dispute of children's custody.
10. Financial problem like overspending or not enough money to get through daily life.
11. Personal bad habits: Smoking, gambling, cheating, unhealthy diet (under/over-eating), disagreeable personality, perfectionism, bad temper, angry all the time, jealousy, inadequate sleep, shopaholic.
12. Mid-life crisis: a sense of loss in purpose or meaning in career, marriage, or life in general.
13. Examinations or study/school stress
14. Job stress: job burnout, lay-offs, interviews, quotas, problems with colleagues or boss.
15. General loss of purpose in life, feeling LOST
16. Feeling depressed for no obvious reasons (or for ALL reasons - everything stresses you)
17. Bored, lonely, no attention given, feel ignored/abandoned, sick of life
18. Lack of proper sleep and exhaustion due to family commitments e.g. taking care of elderly or baby.
19. Illness/death of a loved one [I found my remedy for this, will tell you later :)]
20. Neighbourhood/national issues like noisy/inconsiderate neighbours, war, lack of food/clean water, air pollution.
21. Natural disasters like haze, flooding, typhoon, earthquake.
22. Fear/phobias/anxiety like stage fright, crowds, social phobia, xenophobia, general anxiety, anxious personality.

Whether you have one or ten of the above stressors right now is not the issue. The most important thing is to identify where your root problems are coming from. Next, decide on how you are going to overcome and stand above your problems - instead of crumbling under them. Make your own choice.

Once, there is an old lady in her 70s who lived all alone in a small flat surviving on little financial support. Her son and daughter left her 30 years ago due to heart diseases followed by her husband who later succumbed to intestinal cancer. She has lived alone without any other family left in this world for more than 20 years! In addition, she has diabetes, kidney problems and can hardly walk. One would have imagined her to be a sullen looking, lifeless and even grumpy woman who hardly smiles. Who would have guessed she is actually a very positive lady who smiles a lot and has a twinkle in her eyes.

Indeed, instead of feeling sorry for herself, going around pouring out her grievances, showing a sad and sorrow front to everyone she meets, she chose to lead a simple happy life by doing the things she loves to do (art and craft: beading), socialising and catching up with her old friends at the elderly activity centre. PS: This lady actually kept some of her children's toys and together with their photos, it is enough for her to survive happily. More on this later.


So, to be or not to be (happy)? It is REALLY a personal choice. Nobody can force you to become happy. Nobody can force you to become sad. You'll have to take on this responsibility of your own happiness.

Ok, now let's move right on to how to overcome your difficulties. How do you set your life back on track again? How do you live optimally, effectively and happily? What I am going to share with you are some of the 'happiness tools' that I use to overcome my daily problems and also the bigger problems that I foresee or worry that will happen.


After sharing with you my happiness tools (from A to G), we will move on to find long-term happiness.


In my opinion, to have long-term happiness, you need a combination of: short-term, long-term, and creative happiness. And also, I believe that the positive happiness you create in your life, can actually cancel out the negative physical and mental effects which your problems may have brought you.


For instance, if you have parents who do not love you, you can cancel or balance out the feeling of abandonment by having a loving, caring spouse or children and still live a wonderful life. Thus, do not stop creating your happiness.

So, I have summarised this article into 4 main parts:

To overcome difficulties you need:

1. Happiness Tools: From A to G

To find (overall) long-term happiness you need:

2. Short-term Happiness

3. Long-term Happiness

4. Creative Happiness

1. Happiness Tools: From A to G

A. First and foremost, please set yourself to do the following mental preparation for your problems/difficulties

• Face it and accept that it has happened to you
• Don't resist seeking psychological help or just a listening ear from your friends or family just to save your 'face'. Everyone needs help at times (A distressed mother of a 5 year old autistic child was just about to give up hope until one day, she received counselling. That session changed her perspective and enlightened her. The counsellor, among other things, told her that her child is her treasure and the most precious gift that was given to her and that she should simply love her child with all her heart)
• Get used to it
• Make it less important (think of it as 0.001% of your life)
• Let time take care if it (Of course, like wounds, let time heal and subside your pains)
• Let happy events bring you over it (e.g. do anything you enjoy doing like an outing, a good book, exercise, or read inspiring quotes)
• Let it go if you can (holding on to your stress is only going to eat up your mental energy and bring you physical ailments like chronic back/shoulder pain, tension headache/migraine, and a whole list of illnesses. And that is a whole lot of problems on top of your problems!)

B. If you are lost, always remind yourself:

Life is simply a cycle of ups and downs and ups again just like the waters in the river flowing continuously but differently (in a cycle of slow and fast, ebbing left and flowing right). Nothing stays permanently still - nothing, bad or good, lasts forever.


Everything passes and passes continuously. Tomorrow, or few months later, everything can change. We simply cannot predict what the future will bring us but we should stay opened to whatever comes along our way.


Embrace the future with opened arms, with ease. Right now, we should focus on the right now. This moment in time which is right NOW, is the most precious simply because we cannot turn back time.


Be in the present, be in the right now, as much as you can.


Once I got this feeling of a precious moment in time while I was looking out to the sea with my son in my arms and I will think of that blissful precious moment when I feel overwhelmed. You can try to grip a moment of peace and recall that fuzzy feel whenever you feel lost or overwhelmed. [Read about all this in the full article: I Am Lost Again].

C. Invent your own strategies

Once I gave myself a direction that whenever my son spills, spoils or messes up something, I'll clear all the mess first before lecturing him. That strategy alone saved me a lot of unneeded burst of anger which would not have saved the situation effectively. Worst: Once I read, children don't listen to you, they observe you. What if he takes after my short temper? This may spark off a parent-child battle which may bring even more stress!

Moreover, my son gives me the greatest worry - he runs away from us wherever he is outdoors to play hide and seek. He has gone missing for about 10 times to date. Once, we searched for him at the zoo for about 45 minutes. A couple of times, I picked him up at the information counter at the mall after kind people brought him there when they found him alone elsewhere. And a few times, he dashed across the road to oncoming traffic and thankfully, there were either no cars or the car braked in time. He is fearless. And spanking doesn't faze him. He'll try again later! He simply loves thrills.

My greatest fear right now is that he'll leave me for good one day by either going missing and never returning home or meeting with a fatal accident. I even had a few nightmares of him being in an accident of which I won't elaborate as it is too gross! I really cannot imagine if one day he'll leave me forever. Almost everyday, I couldn't sleep well. So, with that fear of losing him, I spent years searching for the right tool to use if that fateful day ever come. I want to gear myself up for the worst. One fine day, I finally found my own solution. By watching a ghost story!

This movie (Bring Back The Dead) is about a grieving mother who lost her 7-year-old son in a road accident and tries to bring back the son's soul as she could not let go of her son. In the end, she finally 'met' her son's soul and she finally let him go because her son said something very comforting to her: Mummy, my love will always be in(side) your heart.


This line also comforts me ALOT. After I found that comforting 'tool', I told my son that wherever both of us may be, always remember: My love will always be in your heart, and your love will always be in my heart, okay? [I placed his little hand onto his heart and my heart] To that, my son simply replied cutely and lovingly: Yes, mummy, yes...

As what the lead lady in the movie explained: "What everyone learns at the end of the film is that in life, you have to let go of the dead because they have already gone to a better place." Remember the old lady who kept some of her children's toys after they pass away? I will do that too.


Creepy? Heck it. I'd do whatever floats my boat!

So, in whatever worry or fear you could not stop ruminating, find an effective tool or strategy to use when it really happens. Use whatever you think will keep you afloat. At least you have that something to fall back on or hold on to to prevent you from drowning, which is better than nothing.



Also, if you are facing an overwhelming or stressful situation, you can use my favourite strategy ever - simply ask yourself:

What is the best thing I can do right now?

This 'magic question' works for me most of the time.

D. Be comfortable

To be truly happy you must be comfortable with yourself and your surrounding. Be comfortable about who you are, how you look, how you walk/talk, who you are with, where you are, and whatever you are doing. Be comfortable with everything and whatever that may come. If you feel your fears and anxiety coming, turn them into something positive until you feel comfortable.


Fear is an instinctive reaction that brings out our will and courage to fight/flight in order to survive. So, practice turning all your negative feelings (fears, anxiety, worry and even anger) into positive ones (will power, energy, and courage to fight). If you don't know what to do, take a deep breath and ask yourself: What is the next best thing that I can do right now.


When my stage fright is acting up I'll tell myself: Now the best thing I can do is to finish saying whatever I need to say as comfortably as I can. So I kept myself focused on the job at hand.

E. Be flexible

We ought to live optimally according to our surrounding circumstances. If life calls for something out of you, try to be flexible and blend yourself into the situation. Try not to be so rigid and be as flexible as you can bear. You may not be as rigid as you thought.


If your life calls for a sudden increase of responsibilities family-wise or work-wise, be willing to be flexible if there is the need. Like a rubber-band, the more flexible you are, the less likely you'll snap. In short, 'flex' yourselves according to the situation you are in right now.

F. Have an overall goal with you at all times

This is one of my favourite tools too. I like to keep myself on track by having an overall goal with me at all times. E.g. When I got lost in the madness of parental and household duties, I tell myself: My overall goal is to nurture my child in his growing up years, keep the house in order and be a supportive wife. Although, it's tiring to be on standby 24 hours a day, still, I am holding the best job in the world. I want to be an efficient stay-at-home mother!

So, what is the overall goal in whatever you are doing now?

G. Do not lose hope. Do not give up.

Just do not give up on finding your own happiness. No matter how tough, do not lose hope and be in despair. Find ways to motivate yourself into a fighting or positive mode. Give yourself a treat every month - like a massage or a good meal - just to get through the month. If this method doesn't work, try another method. If reading certain quotes doesn't uplift your spirits, keep searching for other quotes (Pinterest is a great place, if you may). Believe in yourself that one day you'll find that something that helps.


Stay away from people who put you down without telling you how to improve. Learn how to enjoy your own company. And stop over-thinking about your life - past or present - it's like cancer eating you away. Do something that makes you feel blissful instead. Do anything that lets you function at your optimal level everyday. Be useful everyday. Trust me, if you give up, you'll feel much more worse - like the living dead. You'll not only disappoint yourself but also the people who care about you.


Your suffering may take another year or so, or it may end next month, nobody can predict what will come to you. Nothing can last forever. An enemy today can become your friend tomorrow. Or a huge tsunami, heatwave or disease may sweep across the earth tomorrow. Anything can change tomorrow!


I searched for my own happiness for so many years! And of course, I'm not going to stop here and will still keep searching for more! Everyone will have their own pathway to happiness. So, do not give up easily, just keep looking. When I was feeling very stressed up with all the endless chores of baby care, I sought help from my husband and went out for a walk, just to take a breather. It really helps to remove yourself from the unbearable situation, even for just one hour. Everyone needs a break.

With all these tools with me, I am sure I can overcome all, if not, most of my daily stressors of life. But more importantly, I came to realise another three very important factors that can determine one's happiness after watching a CNA show (namely, short-term, long-term and creative happiness). This is the subtle AH-HA moment where I think I've got a very important missing piece of the happiness puzzle.

2. Short-term Happiness

From a CNA show 'Chasing Happiness' Dr. Phil Merry mentioned this (with my additions in italics):

We all humans simply just want to be happy and thus keep looking for happiness. There are 2 types of happiness: The short-term happiness which comes with heightened senses, and is the laugh-out-loud, lottery-striking, exams-passing, graduation, promotion or a new car, bag, shoe, meeting up with girlfriends, that daily family dinner, eating an ice-cream, or that confirmed mid-year vacation trip, etc, kind of happiness.

3. Long-term Happiness

Then there is the more composed long-term happiness, like a calm, zen-like and contented kind of happiness. And this is the kind of contented happiness that we should have. Really, we should start listing out our blessings and feel 'great-ful', or rather grateful for what you already have. You have no idea what you have until you lose them! Your family, your job, your friends or even your health. What if one day you start to lose them? So, to achieve long-term happiness, you must be very, very thankful and contented with whatever you already have. In a seminar, I asked the audience:

Q1: How many of you here have a home that you can return to after this (seminar)?

[everyone raised up their hands]

Q2: How many of you will have food on your table tomorrow morning?

[everyone raised up their hands]

Q3. How many of you have someone who loves you just the way you are?

[almost everyone raised up their hands]

If you raised your hand more than twice, then you are luckier than 80% of the people in the world.





4. Creative Happiness
Later in the show, another doctor mentioned about happiness derived from being creative. But as summarised from elsewhere, this is my idea of 'creative happiness':


Basically, you get happiness by creating something, especially something that benefits someone else. This can be achieved simply by holding a job. By providing your time and services with whatever skills you have, you are creating something useful to someone [well, then it'll be wonderful if you can turn your hobby into your job! Or it'll be great if you simply love your current job.]


Or, you can create something by doing anything that you love to do e.g. cooking or baking for your family, knitting a sweater for your child, blogging, or doing something for someone e.g. buy a gift, visit someone, donate money or volunteer. And I think this creative happiness stems from the fact that when you are mentally immersed in or busy at creating something, you sort of forgot about yourself for a while - as being egoistic or self-ish and always thinking for yourself is a definite route to unhappiness.


Further, this creative happiness is on the same vein as 'being useful to the society' and a way of giving back or contributing to one's community.

So, this is it. This is the moment that clicked everything into place. We all ought to have daily spikes of short-term happiness but more importantly, we should all possess the calm and contented long-term happiness. So, count your blessings and be contented and thankful with whatever you already have.Because a person's greed is unlimited. You can buy everything in the world but you'll still feel inadequate if you do not know contentment. Also, it is important to have creative happiness by creating something out of yourself as a way of being useful to the society.

So, let me re-summarise everything.

To overcome your difficulties and find long-term happiness you'll need:

1. Happiness Tools:

Get yourself a few powerful 'happiness tools' and use them as and when they are needed. Get ideas from my tools (from A to G) above. It could be that magic question [e.g. what's the most useful or best thing that I can do now?], that overall goal [e.g. most important thing is for baby to grow up happily] or a reminder to yourself that life is simply filled with cycles of ups and downs. Do not underestimate how much they can improve your life quality and boost your overall happiness!

2. Short-term happiness: Give yourself daily little bursts of short-term happiness. It can be that morning cup of aromatic tea/coffee, your daily evening walk, the weekend trips to the nature park with the whole family, that upcoming friend's birthday party or the confirmed air tickets to your dream vacation. Looking forward to a happy occasion can bring one (what I call the) 'joyous anticipation'.

3. Long-term happiness: Learn to be contented and thankful with your overall life in order to attain long-term happiness. Ideally, everyone should have this calm and contented, long-term happiness, whether or not we get the things we want or whether we are burdened with the problems of daily life. Remember, things could be worse. Be grateful that it wasn't. Perhaps it's time to embrace your problems, perceive them in a new way, and solve them positively. And perhaps it's time to tell yourself that things actually isn't that bad. And take it from the following quote:

If all men were to bring their miseries together in one place, most would be glad to take each his own home again rather than take a portion out of the common stock.

~ Solon (638-558 B.C.)

4. Creative Happiness: Create or do something beneficial to the society as much as you can.

Till the next time, may you realise your happiness soon!

PS: It does not mean that you will not be sad anymore once you find your happiness. Don't forget that life is simply full of ups and downs. It is just that you come to realise contentment and gratitude (being thankful for what you already have/count your blessings) as a way of being truly happy and accept life as it comes that brings you the coveted long-term happiness. And when you equip yourself with the 'happiness tools' mentioned above, you can better prepare yourself to brave through and rise above whatever hurdles that may come your way.

Further note: My research on this post and on long-term happiness as a whole stems from, and includes many self-help books, TV-shows, online courses, psychology articles: both scholarly [from my university studies in psychology] and mainstream ones [magazines, newspaper, websites], philosophy: both contemporary and religious esp. Buddhism, my own life experiences and stories of random people.

I Am Lost Again

Yes, I am really lost again. I mean, a few days ago.

As I run through my daily life, I sometimes get emotionally stuck and lose my direction in life. Many of us face this situation once in a while. For me, I get out of this rut by reading the following 3 verses.

ONE
As the river ebbs and flows,
So do we have our ups and downs in life.
Hard times will precede good fortune.

This verse reminds me that life is simply thus: a cycle of ups and downs. And, we just have to accept this fact.

The next verse is from a Korean show I do, I do, final lines in the final episode. This is a story about a middle-aged single mother finally finding her true love and happiness (although unconventional) after countless dilemma and setbacks. And these are her final thoughts in the show.

TWO
Which is the correct path?
Where should I go?
In future, it will still be confusing.
But I'll never be afraid again.

Life may not be what I expected.
But sometimes, it brings me an unexpected gift.
My love, my child.
And people I'm grateful to.

In the short span of nine months*,
I received a tremendous gift
What gift is lying in wait for me in the uncertain future?
I'm already curious.
No, I'm full of anticipation.

*if reading for yourself, replace with the time span and gift that you are reflecting on (e.g. within this 10 years, I received...). Naturally, this will lead me to the next verse.

THREE
A moment in time is worth a thousand taels of gold.

This verse brings me to this priceless, present moment. I should know, my happiness is right under my nose, right here, right now.

As I looked upon the endless universe, I felt so small. But as I feel my child in my arms I feel boundless and unlimited. Like I can do anything just to protect my child. I'll never forget this priceless moment in time

Actually, this post serves as a prelude to my next post: How To Overcome Your Difficulties and Find Long-term Happiness. After so many years of searching, I am pretty confident that I have finally found my happiness. Not the laugh-out-loud, strike-lottery kind of happiness, but rather it's a calm and zen-like kind of contented happiness.


PS: I may look bubbly on the outside but deep down, I am an anxious worrier. Therefore, I've been looking for a solution and I finally got it!


It was like a subtle AH-HA moment for me. Not in a dramatic manner, but a quiet, inner, mental-realisation or 'enlightenment' if you wish. It's like I've finally found the final piece of the puzzle. It stems from the many encounters and events I went through. One fine day, I heard something on the TV and everything I know just clicked into place! This post should be up next month. See you then.

A New Era For Singapore - Post LKY

It's been exactly a week since Mr Lee Kuan Yew's passing last Monday. Throughout the sombre week, Singaporeans, including those abroad, came together to mourn, pay their final respects and bid farewell to the founding father of Singapore, rain or shine. It is heartening to see that even friends from other countries shared our sorrow. Mr. Lee's legacy has spread beyond our shores, even in faraway lands.

This great man was once reduced to tears for his beloved Singapore. He was so worried about the future of Singapore and would do anything to ensure its survival, even if he were to become unpopular and lose favour. Because, he knew, if he were a Mr. Nice Guy, Singapore will not survive. As a mother, I can understand how much he loved Singapore. It is no different from how much I care for and would worry about my child incessantly.

Now that he has left, we shall, be like brothers and sisters, come together, take care of each other, strive together, continue building our dreams, chasing our rainbows over the horizon, while nurturing our next generations, so as to keep Singapore thriving.

I am sure this would lessen the worry of Mr. Lee, as a doting father, of us, as he smiles upon us from above.

Thank you Mr. Lee, for your unwavering love for Singapore.

We love you too.

Don't worry about us. We will survive.

R.I.P

Our Mr Lee Kuan Yew (1923 Sep - 2015 March)

This morning, the reality has caught up with me. Singapore's first Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, after more than 40 days of treatment for acute pneumonia, has passed away peacefully at the Singapore General Hospital, at the age of 91.

Coincidently, this day is my 33rd birthday. My birthdays will never be the same again. Initially, I was thinking of mourning on his passing for my every birthday. But I want to be positive and productive. So, I've decided for my birthdays, I am going to thank him and be grateful to him for building up Singapore, be grateful for whatever I have, and to stay useful to the society, as my little way to repay this great man of Singapore. *Salutes*

So, on this sombre Monday morning, my hero died, at 3.18am.

For starters, I have never met my paternal or maternal grandfather. Not even a photo or even a brief physical description. They passed away when my parents were still kids. So, as I grow up with a gaping empty space in my heart yearning for a father figure, which is made worse by my problematic parents, I 'created' an imaginary grandfather, whom I often see on the TV and other forms of media. He is Mr Lee Kuan Yew. It really helped that we share the same surname: Lee.

Mr. Lee is one of my greatest source of inspiration and a source of courage to soldier on. This is due to the way he portrayed his immense passion, guts and gumption in building up our nation, day in, day out, defying all odds and doing the impossibles, for more than 50 years of his life.

I just came back from the market at 7 plus and I couldn't believe what I've just read on the TV. Mr Lee has just left us. I sat down in front of the TV watching this morning news and, like any other grand-daughter would at the death of her grandpapa, cried and cried again. Goodbye Grandpa. Indeed, he is the father or grandfather of Singapore.



As my child came up to sit on my lap, telling me not to be sad, I am all the more deeply thankful to Mr. Lee for all his contributions to creating such a safe, stable and beautiful island that my child and the future children of Singapore can grow up, play, work, thrive and live happily in.

All this, no less, from a backward island of mud and villages, to today's modern infrastructures, as seen before my very own eyes. PS: I could still remember clearly that very day my whole family moved out of our wooden house in a village into a public housing unit made of bricks and concrete, completed with nicely paved roads and pathways.

Furthermore, he created a society where everyone is given equal opportunities to excel in life regardless of your race, religion, how wealthy your family is or who you know. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I was given the chance to receive university education and subsequently, was able to earn a decent living and start a family. And now, I am waiting for the completion of my brand-new public flat and is expected to move in by 2017. To me, this is the coveted, affordable home-ownership. I feel lucky to be in a society where everyday just gets better, if you strive hard enough. For this, I am deeply grateful. And I am sure, my husband, who has been crying secretly, feels the same way.

Perhaps the most useful thing I can do to thank him is to continue upholding some of the principles he thought was most important:

1. To be self-reliant or independent

2. To always be relevant and useful to the world/society

3. Be disciplined*



*Once, someone asked him why he was, even up to his old age, so disciplined (in working and learning) and he replied that if he weren't, there won't be today's Singapore. Indeed, if you want to succeed, you simply have to put in unwavering effort and commitment to achieve it.


As much as one might think today's Singapore is his dream come true, I would like to think he is Singaporean's dream come true.

To Mr Lee, the most eloquent and lucid man that I've known, the man that has lived his life to the fullest (him being so alive!), the man that I've always looked up to (I'll sit up and listen whenever he's on TV), may you rest in blissful peace with your beloved wife.

The only regret, however, was that I haven't meet this superstar of my life in person, shake his hands and take a photo with him. Even more so, I have not given him a huge thank you hug :)

Below are my personal thoughts about one of Mr. Lee's books that I've read a few months ago.



Mr Lee Kuan Yew: One Man's View of the World:

An (political) eye opener! It's literally a quick tour of how the world has changed for the past three decades as I was growing up. He shrank the world into a nutshell. He took me (readers) through the political history: to the past, to the future, and then back to the present. What an amazing journey through the history. It felt like I was watching a historical movie.

All that political news (of which I usually have only half the idea of what's going on) - the news about USA, China, North Korea, Vietnam, Philippines and Japan, their political ties, relationships, the changing power scale, position and psyche - has finally began to make great sense to me. Now, the nightly news about the world has become so much more meaningful and interesting.

My question marks were all popped off: Why did our leaders and other countries' leaders going around the world, shaking hands and making friends? And why photos of it have to be taken and published in papers? Why did one country intervened or stopped another for certain acts? What is actually going on? What's up with the shooting of machines up into space? Why the claiming of space's space? And why did the government gather the fruits of the country's labour (profit/taxes) and redistribute it in a certain way every year? But I am just beginning to understand the political scene.

Futhermore, he provided a virtual glimpse of the state of the world in the future, 20 years ahead and even beyond my lifetime, long after I pass away! PS: I personally liked the chapter which he talks about his personal life and also the pages of photos of his daily life and of his meetings with political leaders around the world.

Pinnacle @ Duxton: A 360-degree View of Singapore

For my hubby's 40th birthday (8th February 2015), I told him that I'm going to bring him to a special place.

Until we were there, he only knew it as 'very high place with a 360-degree view of Singapore - a great place to take photographs, so bring your camera'.

And to amp up our son's excitement too, I told him that I'm going to bring him to the highest playground in the world! Well, at least that's true to my son.

Needless to say, they were all really excited. My son kept repeating to himself for days before we finally went there: Yay! We're going to the highest playground in the world! It was my first time there too.

After parking our car at block 1F and paying cash to the guard at block 1G office, we headed up to the 50th floor immediately. Note: It's $5 dollars cash for each adult, no need EZ-link card. My 5-year-old child went in free, carried by my hubby while going through the full-height turnstile.


Squinting eyes at the glaring sun




Southern view of Singapore from P@D

Put on hood! The constant wind can be rather cold




Close up of Jeff and Jovie (hubby and son)




Eastern view of Singapore from P@D




Maaahhh meeee!




Stone structure




I'm alive!




Probably the highest playground in the world



Living happily :)




Another southern view of Singapore from P@D




Seating areas peppered throughout



One of the many playgrounds/structures




Western view of Singapore from P@D



Another western view of Singapore from P@D

Sunset. Western view of Singapore from P@D




Evening view of Singapore



Blur image of a happy family photo.
The wind is just too strong to keep
the camera still!

Marriage In a Nutshell and 5 Simple Tips to Stay Together

It's incredible. After 10 years of marriage and after one five-year-old child, hubby and me are still together. I mean, living with someone is really not that easy... and raising a child together is another feat on its own. So, what went right? Or rather, what is the secret for a lasting relationship? Along with the romantic tide of Valentine's Day this month, let me share with you - from my own experiences - what marriage actually feels like and what makes couples stay in love and stay together.

First up, let me answer this question: What is marriage like?

Marriage is like a boat.

Cracks are inevitable but

They should be mended soon.

Otherwise, the boat will sink.

Your hearts must beat as one and

You'll be able to weather all storms*



Looking back, our decade of marriage began with loads of passionate love and laughter - residual components from the earlier dating period. Then, things began to stabilise and rather routinised: we moved in together into our spanking-new first marital home, gotten used to each others' little habits, and went through daily bouts of quarrels and happiness happening one after another in a random cycle.

Years passed quickly and later, we sort of started to concentrate on other aspects of our lives - career, self-improvement, solitary pursuits, further studies, or kids - that was when I weirdly feel that the queen size bed seems to get smaller. And our conversations became lesser - except when we're talking about our child. In fact, a few discussions/attempts on divorcing took place.

But, thankfully, in the end, we decided to work together to save our marriage. Trust me, even old couples who'd been married for 50 years would have had quarrelled or talked about divorce - do not think that there are actually marriages that are problem-free. Couples that stay together are couples that are willing to work things out together.

From all the events, I narrowed down to the top 5 factors that couples should have for a meaningful and blissful marriage. Specifically, they are the factors that keeps couples stay in love and stay together. I call them The Marriage Five!

Honesty: Lies begets lies, there'll be a snowball effect! So, when communicating, be genuine, open, sincere and honest. My husband needs to work on this! By my standards, not saying or avoiding saying is also lying!

Effort: Couples have to put in effort to maintain their relationship. Sometimes, it's the littlest things that matters. Make an effort to find out what makes each other happy and work from there. More effort needed on this for both of us.

Respect: Respect each other as an individual and as much as you think you yourself deserve. Everyone needs their own time and space once in a while. We're doing quite ok on this.

Patience: Practice tolerance towards each other. Squeeze out every ounce of patience if that's what it takes. Take a step back or time out, if needed. Remember, nobody is perfect. So, I can guarantee this: The person you marry is NOT Mrs. or Mr. Perfect! I'm struggling on this because I think I have zero patience! Will work harder.

Teamwork: Work hand-in-hand like the bestest buddies. Teamwork here signifies the couple doing well in what each of you are supposed to do, coming together as one to brave whatever storms that may come, and give moral support in whatever each other likes to do. The more storms or hurdles the couple overcomes together, and the more bittersweet happiness they share together, the stronger the marriage bind will become. And a stronger marriage bind will bring about a happy family life. In turn, like a feedback cycle, a happy family life will further strengthen the marriage bind! We seem to do pretty well in this department. Will continue to maintain it.

In the end, I always remind myself why I married this person in the first place and try to look at the bigger picture by reading this:

 Choose the one you love.

Love the one you choose.**



*PS: Poem above adapted from Channel 8 show: Blessings. Episode 16.

Original script:

A married couple (marriage) is like a boat.

There musn't be any cracks,

otherwise the boat will sink.

Your hearts must beat as one and

You'll fear no storm

 ** line from a Mediacorp host Mr. Pornsak.