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| Painting depicting the big brother tiger (2010) and little brother monkey (2016) |
It's been 8 full months of pregnancy today. As I was gazing at my swelling belly, I think back of the day where hubby and I made the decision to having this second child. This is a life-changing decision that brings anxiety yet great anticipation. Can we handle it well financially and mentally(?) and many other what-if questions swirl around our heads days before we finally come to the final YES!
And so, let me share with you the reasons why and how we decided to have a second child. There are 3 main factors:
SOCIAL PRESSURE
- We get frowned upon by relatives and strangers for having just one kid. It seems like we were lazy and selfish and wanted an easier and more extravagant life with just one kid to handle. We were persuaded into having no.2 many times.
- When we bring our no.1 boy out to the playgrounds, the other kids have siblings to play with. And our poor boy keeps begging me and his papa to play with him. He also seems so lonely when he plays alone and talks to himself at home.
- In school, almost all of his classmates have a brother or a sister - the pressure is real. And he tries to be 'the same' by going around telling people that he also has a brother and sister, who are actually his cousins.
SITUATIONAL FACTORS
- At 5 years old, my boy have finally began to sleep through the night without waking up at odd hours to play toys. I may still have to wake him up at about 3am every day for night pees since he is still on diapers, but thankfully, he goes straight back to sleep till morning.
- Most probably because of the previous point, I finally get to have a more proper sleep and that my monthly menses are finally starting to become regular, which is, of course, conducive to getting pregnant.
- I have also started to regained more energy to exercise (e.g. on a trampoline and walking) and my constipation problem has began to clear up and I feel that I've finally got back my health.
- Everything seems to have settled. The housing and domestic issues, financial situation, parental-care and maid issues, are all looking in place. And we are ready to give up many of our material wants, if necessary, if we want another child.
RE-ASSESSMENT OF OUR LIFE
- We now have a clearer picture of what we want and how we want to live. We want to live peacefully and simply with a cosy and blissful family life. Hubby will work and I'll take care of domestic stuff and everyone's needs. It seems to be crystal clear that having another child will make everything perfect.
The truth is, just a few years back, hubby and I had vehemently concluded that we'll just have one child for sure. But right now we've actually changed our minds and is even talking about having a 3rd child! Life is indeed unpredictable...
The reasons for us having just one child are straightforward: having a single child means you can focus all your love, energy, and attention on him, and perhaps buy him better gifts, send him to better schools or enrichment courses and bring him to fancier restaurants and more exotic holiday destinations too. Moreover, we cannot assume that having a sibling will definitely bring him more joy. There are siblings that do not really get along.
There are also other deterring factors that we have heard around us. E.g. 1st born problems: not sleeping through the night (my problem too), health problems of child, mother or father, hyperactive child, no suitable childcare arrangements, financial problems, and unstable relationship with spouse or in-laws, etc. Sadly, there are also couples who simply cannot conceive or miscarry. So, it is already a great blessing if one can have a child.
All in all, when it comes to having children, I'll always think of a wise quote:
Do not have children,
Unless you can enhance their lives.