Memory Helpers

Source

Do you tend to be forgetful sometimes? Have you come across situations where you forgot to bring something, why you walked into a room, or what you need to buy at the supermarket?

Unlike our long-term memory (e.g. procedural memory which we rarely forget: swim, cycle, walk, drive a car, tie shoelace, etc) our short-term memory often fails us especially if we lead very busy lives.

So, what can you do to remember more things? Here are some memory helpers which worked for me. Hope it helps!

1. This trick is widely known: If you forgot why you walked into a room (e.g. to get something), walk back to where you begin to think about that thought and you should be able to recall your intentions. If that fails, walk back to where you begin AND walk INTO the room again.

2. Remember only one thing, instead of two. E.g. my son is supposed to wear T-shirts on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (1.3.5), and uniform on Tuesdays and Thursdays (2.4). Instead of remembering all the days, just keep in mind the easier part: Uniforms on 2 and 4.

3. Link spatial properties to the things in your groceries list. E.g. walk to the XX section of the market first to get 2 things - tissue and window cleaner, then walk to the produce section to get 3 things - carrots, peppers and some apples. It'll be even better if you can mentally rehearse yourself walking in the market picking up your buys before you head there.

4. Recall your grocery list by thinking about what you wanted to do. E.g. you need to wash the toilets and cook pineapple fried rice today, so you need to buy toilet bowl cleaner, floor scrub, half a pineapple, meat floss and some eggs.

5. Remember to do things by making use of other reliable cues so that you don't really have to remember them. For me, everytime my block's cleaner comes to wash the corridor on the 23rd of every month, I will automatically wipe my main door, wash down my son's bicycle, and wash everyone's slippers.

6. If all else fails, carry a small pocketbook with you at all times and pen down whatever you need to keep in mind. Think of it like your external portable hard disk!

My University Courses and their Definitions

Do you have a keen thirst for knowledge? Well, I was rather curious in just about everything out there when I was much younger and it wasn't until university that I knew what I wanted to study in depth. I can still remember clearly when I was in primary school, a group of psychologists came to our school to give a talk about the 4 main types of personalities of people (I could still roughly make out the slide that was shown then - it was more than 20 years ago!). That was really interesting and it had aroused my interest to know more about the brain and behaviour. But somehow, things faded out and I ended up studying Electrical Engineering for my diploma. Thank god I studied real hard and was able to get into a university (at a much later age though) and finally studied my favourite subject: Psychology!

So, if you are on the search on what you really want to study, the following definitions of the courses that I've taken may be of help (I majored in Psychology and took various introductory courses on the rest of the below-mentioned subjects). Now go on and decide what you would love to study :) Good luck!

PSYCHOLOGY
The scientific study of human mind and behaviour (Visit this page for more info)


Some of the courses I've taken are:

Abnormal Psychology - A study on abnormal behaviour and a broad range of mental disorders and their cultural, environmental and biological causes, and also their treatment options. This core module covers most of the common mental health problems identified for children and adults, e.g. eating disorders, behavioural problems, attention deficits, learning disabilities, schizophrenia, anxiety, stress, depression, personality disorders, sexual adjustment, substance abuse, suicide, and dementia. (source)

Cognitive Psychology - A study about the internal brain processes like motivation, attention, analyzing, judgement, language, attention, problem solving and decision-making.

Biological Psychology - Focuses on the biochemical processes and physiological aspects of the brain.

Developmental Psychology - Focuses on physical, emotional, intellectual, social, perceptual and personality development of an individual from birth till adulthood.

Social Psychology - Social psychology courses are focused on the scientific study of social influences on behaviour and the interaction between individuals and groups. Topics studied in this class include such things as social pressure, leadership, nonverbal communication, persuasion, obedience and the bystander effect.

Health Psychology - Focuses on how biology, psychology, behaviour and social factors influence health and illness. It also focuses on promoting health as well as the prevention and treatment of disease and illness.

Adolescent Psychology - A subfield of psychology that focuses on children of 12-18 years. Adolescence has commonly been characterized by issues such as rebellious behaviour, lying, cheating, school performance problems, negative attitudes, disobedience and disrespect, sibling rivalry, drug and alcohol abuse, pressures from peers, depression, and issues of sexuality. (source)

Industrial-Organizational (I-O) Psychology - this field focuses on increasing workplace productivity and related issues such as the physical and mental well being of employees. Industrial organizational psychologists perform a wide variety of tasks, including studying worker attitudes (e.g. job satisfaction, motivation) and behaviour, evaluating companies and conducting leadership training.

Memory - Topics range from sensory memory all the way to long-term memory. Evidence for different types of memory systems such as episodic, generic, implicit, and procedural will be discussed. Biological and developmental bases for human memory will also be covered. (source)

Personality - This branch of psychology is focused on the patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviour that make a person unique.

Emotions - An in-depth study of various types of emotions, its nature, functions and consequences.

(main source)

[PS: After finishing my studies, I've since narrowed down my area of interest: to be a counsellor focusing on reducing people's daily stress. Well, this blog sort of fulfils my aspirations by letting me be an "online counsellor", don't you think? :) Yes, I'm bent on making you happier in as many parts of your life as possible! It brings me blissful joy! I can think about this topic day and night without getting tired of it.]


PHILOSOPHY
The study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence.


ECONOMICS
The study of how individuals and society choose to use limited resources in an effort to satisfy people's unlimited wants.


GEOGRAPHY
The study of earth, the distribution of life on it, activity on it, and others like the weather and physical features of the earth.


SOCIOLOGY
The study of  human social behaviour, its origins, and others like organisation.

ENVIRONMENTAL ENGINEERING

The integration of science and engineering principles to improve the natural environment, to provide healthy water, air, and land for human habitation and for other organisms, and to clean up pollution sites. (source) [This is one of my favourite subjects of all time. Enjoyed every lecture!]

My crazy uni days

The Happiest Moment of My Life

This note has been sitting in one of my very old notebooks for a long time already. I'd better post them before the paper degrades and turns to dust! As it was penned more than 10 years ago, I wanted to blog about it word-for-word to retain my original feelings and emotions felt on that day as much as possible. This happy memory is deeply etched in my mind's eye like a DVD which can be played back as often as I wished and it is really the most joyful feeling ever. Believe me, I still giggle about it when I think of that day. So, if I am feeling down I'll think about it to cheer myself up :)

Here it goes: 

My husband and I were surfing in Bali! It was my first time surfing and I (must have) really looked stupid and silly while learning to surf. My husband and I were laughing to tears (!) at my slipping and falling. But it wasn't long before I looked more like a surfer. I'm enjoying it so much that I refused to stop surfing till the surf board vendor wraps up his stall and till the sun sets! Ha... my all-time favourite (day)!

Pregnancy Till D-day: 9 Months of Changes

The main purpose of this article is for first-time moms and even dads to have a glimpse of what the whole course of pregnancy may be like. A personal experience of my pregnancy, childbirth, infant-care and confinement period - basically from the start till end. This is necessarily long because I want to compile everything that I can remember into one easy post. I hope it can help to better prepare Moms and Dads as they literally take their first steps into parenthood. Before I start, here's to all new Parents: A big welcome to the club! And may you enjoy the roller coaster ride :)

TRYING FOR A BABY

After 5 years of marriage, Hubby and I decided it was time to venture into parenthood – we were financially and mentally prepared, and we had planned for two children. We thought it is not that difficult to get pregnant until there was ‘no news’ even after 6 months of trials. Hard luck, lady! 

Most parents, I heard, got their good news between 3 months to 1 year.

Just when we were about to give up, the good news seems to have arrived. I remember clearly on a weekend morning, we were, like many times before, waiting anxiously for the results of the pregnancy test kit. After the window period of about 10 minutes, there was still no line to indicate pregnancy. I stared at the test kit and thought, Is it really not meant to be? Then, while my equally-disappointed hubby is consoling us, I saw the faintest line ever. Yes, the LINE that I’ve been praying for! 

The faint line(age) on the left

Since that line appeared only after the allocated 10 minutes, it might be a false positive, so we waited a few more days of no menses before proceeding to test for pregnancy at the gynae’s. The days of waiting for the returned results was excruciating! I'll never forget that day - while I was at my office, my gynae finally called. And I excused myself aside for the moment of truth.

Gynae:

Hello, Mrs Lio, I’m Doctor T calling from clinic XX, and I have your results with me.

Me:

Oh-no, doctor sounds solemn... does it indicate a negative result? 

Yes, yes… Doctor T. 

*takes a deep breath and psyched myself up to brave whatever storm comes*

Gynae:

Mrs Lio… *Pause*

*Silence… and I held my breath for the longest time.*

Gynae (in a cheerful tone): 

Congratulations! You are 2 weeks pregnant.

And so, to my absolute joy, he’s there! We’ve got a bun in the oven at last! Hurray! All the tiring trials are over and it’s time to get pregnant! I informed my hubby who meekly acknowledges his impending fatherhood with a heightened sense of purpose - it’s about time to be a daddy! 

Aside: I purposely documented this part in detail because I want to remind myself, and fellow mothers, how difficult it is to have a child. Someone actually tried for 10 years for a child. And numerous others miscarried halfway through the pregnancy, some not once, but twice. And I was deeply shocked and sad when I heard the news of a mother losing a 7-month-old foetus because of weak constitution and it had to be removed from the womb manually. So, whenever my son (now 3 years old, in 2013) gets on my nerves, I’ll remind myself how precious he is and how grateful I am to have him.

THE BEGINNING OF PARENTHOOD 

The following weeks were filled with exciting discussions between the new parents. They include:

1. When should we announce the pregnancy? We told only our close ones after the second month, in case anything goes awry.

2. Which OB/GYN and hospital should we choose? Both usually comes in a package. Factors to consider are: the similar set of ideals or values e.g. does the doctor support natural birth, like you do? And the proximity of the hospital/clinic to your home. We simply chose a clinic near our home.

3. Should I plan for natural birth or caesarean section? Should I opt for pain relief during labour, like epidural? What is my tolerance of pain? I opted for natural birth with no epidural. Of course, if something goes wrong, I'm opened to doctor's decision.

4. What should I start/stop eating? Of course, we should be eating healthier food. Think: No alcohol (read about fetal alcohol syndrome), less oil, lesser or no coffee/tea, eat only lean protein and nuts, have more colourful fruits and vegetables. At the same time, all your food should preferably be freshly prepared and must be fully cooked. Salmonella bacteria found in raw eggs/chicken can fatally harm your foetus! Some food containing hidden raw eggs are mayonnaise and tiramisu.

You should also look out for Listeria bacteria, which can be found in soft cheese. (Read about foods to avoid). In short, avoid eating raw, smoked and undercooked seafood/poultry/meat. Just a few years back, a local food poisoning case, proved to be caused by cross-contamination with raw seafood, resulted in at least one death and one miscarriage. So, cook all eggs and meat completely! Last but not least, avoid eating at dingy, filthy and unlicensed premises.

So much for the mummy’s diet. 

We even prepared ourselves mentally just in case complications or miscarriage occur. And I think it is very important to prepare yourself for the worst so that you don't crumble if it happens. For us, if something goes wrong, we shall choose the best course of action, and then let nature take its course. If I miscarry, we'll try again after a few months. That is how we steeled ourselves for any misfortune. Meanwhile, I took the folic acid pills (prescribed by my gynae) faithfully for the first 3 months to prevent any complications or defects.

Subsequently, two months into pregnancy, our world started changing. Close friends, family, relatives, and later, our colleagues started pouring in their pregnancy advice. No this and that, do this and that. Fellow expectant moms and experienced parents asking me when I am due (or commonly called EDD: Estimated Date of Delivery) and sharing their valuable experiences with us. When hubby and I both got home after work, we'll have a heated exchange of information that we have got for the day. Everyday conversations hover around the baby topic. And I bought 2 books on pregnancy and frequently surf the internet for useful information to better prepare myself (this is my favourite website). We have now entered into a world of babies!

But getting pregnant was only the beginning. What I didn’t know was that the next 9 months will bring me such physical torment. Note: You know, of course, no two pregnancies are the same. Yours could be better or worse.

9 MONTHS OF PHYSICAL CHANGES

By the third month, I've sold my scooter and bought a small car so that my baby and I can travel more safely to work. (I swapped Piaggio Fly for a Suzuki Swift - both in silver colour, easiest to clean!)

Then, weird things began to happen to my body. There was this awkward, numbing, sometimes sharp, pain/twitch everywhere. It's like my body shifting its insides to make way for the new life forming incessantly within, which is doubling its cells every second. The hips pull apart, a sudden mild pain in the womb, shoulders, back, ribs, or even the jaw. I usually end up extremely tired and could doze off helplessly in the middle of nowhere.

As the baby and womb grew bigger, my intestines were probably pressed against too hard and I started having severe constipation, indigestion, followed by heartburn, all of which lasted throughout my pregnancy. This is pure agony for 6 months. I'm literally stuck! These symptoms might also be caused by the pregnancy hormones which relax my bowel muscles, resulting in a sluggish digestive system.

Once, I didn't remove bowels for 21 days. My tummy was so bloated with all the stuck food, it's as if I'm 6 months pregnant. When friends come up to me, patted my round tummy and commented that my baby has grown bigger, I tell them no, it's not my baby, it's food. Sometimes, I worry if all that food will suffocate my baby.

I was using laxatives (from doctor only!) so frequently, and visited the doctor's every other week. I've tried everything to alleviate constipation - exercising (walking, yoga, horse-riding machine, boat-rowing machine), drinking lots of fluid and Vitagen, eating only 'soft' foods (e.g. porridge), fruits (e.g. papaya, banana) and vegetables (spinach, no cabbage!). Once, the nurse who recognised me through my frequent doctor visits recommended bran. It works! I soften it in warm milk and eat it as a small meal. But, it wasn't long before I was constipated again - although I constipated less frequently. 

Yet, I was still having heartburn. I felt nauseous but I have never vomited (nothing comes out). My heart burns and hurts like something squeezing and pressing on it. I couldn't breathe. Few times, I will almost puke if I smell someone frying fish and I'll eat cream crackers and drink ginger tea which did help lessen the nauseousness (sour plum didn't work, it strangely tasted bitter!). Also, I have to sleep almost sitting up with two high pillows to prevent stomach acid reflux, and slightly turned to my right to prevent pressing on the heart. It was difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep. Everyday was excruciating. I also fainted twice - once at the supermarket, another during work - probably due to exhaustion from all that physical torture.

At times, I feel like giving up at the thought of going through this everyday for another six months. And I was overwhelmed with self-doubt as to whether I can cope with this for the rest of the pregnancy. 

[Side note: Once, I was shocked to find myself bleeding (spotting) below and thought, maybe my baby hadn't had it easy either. Why am I only thinking about myself? Thankfully, baby is fine after a quick check at the doctor's.]

To make things worse, all I could think of, from morning till night, is FOOD. My appetite had increased to the point that I can't stop thinking about FOOD. I think about what I should eat later for lunch, mid-day snack, dinner, and night snack. And if I crave for mango cheesecake or roti prata, I MUST eat it today. Otherwise, I can't function normally, as I will be thinking about it non-stop, until I eat it. They say, if you suddenly crave for food you won't eat before pregnant, that's because your baby wants it, not you! Anyway, I'll just try to eat whatever comes to mind (and won't go away). 

Thankfully, something gave me faith and motivation to go through all this - my growing baby. I always looked forward to my gynae visits. They bring me indescribable joy. 

The first ultrasound scan, I cried. The first time I heard his heartbeat, I cried. The first time I saw his budding hands and legs, and later, his tiny nose, ears, and eyes, I cried too. I thought it was such a miracle - a life forming inside me (!) - and felt how wonderful and amazing life itself is. Finally, at the 5th month, one morning, while still on my bed, I first felt him moving and I cried profusely! Hello you, tiny little thing *sniff, sniff*. Yes, I became a teary mom, tearing over the smallest thing. Here, take a look inside my womb.

1. Week 3: It's there, our seed of joy! 

2. Week 8: It's a cashew nut 

3. Week 12: A little cucumber 

4. Week 17: Mummy, look at me! I'm a boy!

5. Week 20: I wanna get out now. 

6. Week 29: Hi Mummy! See ya soon!

Meanwhile, other physical changes took place. By the 6th and 7th month, my tummy has swelled to an obvious size. In fact, my whole body, including my face, felt puffy, like Angry Bird. Also, the baby's gender is finally confirmed - it's 99% a boy! Saw the wee wee already :) He has been covering it to keep us in suspense. Cheeky boy.

Others: My gums bleed when I brush teeth; I have an itchy, sore tummy due to overstretching of belly skin, I suppose; my feet and ankles began to swell; I became hairier all over the body, including fingers, toes and tummy area and I even had a light beard(!); I made much more visits to the toilet to clear bladder, even at night; next, I had carpal tunnel syndrome where my right wrist, hand and fingers became weak and painful. At one point, it was so weak that I dropped my toothbrush while brushing teeth, so I switched to brushing teeth with my left hand; then, came the varicose veins on the insides of my thighs; and finally, the linea nigra - a vertical 'black line' [skin pigmentation] or "stripe you'll earn as a pregnant mom" appearing on my tummy. Pigmentation can appear anywhere especially on the face. And one mom actually had a black patch around her whole neck where attempts to remove them are unsuccessful. A few months after birth, my 'stripe' is gone but my varicose veins are here to stay, for good. 

On a brighter note, I had softer and luscious hair and my skin was glowing beautifully. Yes, the 'pregnancy glow'.

For the 3rd/final trimester [week 29-40; 1st trimester: week 1-14; 2nd trimester: week 15-28], things are more or less the same - constipation, nauseousness, heartburn, sleeplessness, and fatigue. But the baby's movements give me hope. By then, he was rolling, kicking, and punching inside! An active baby! At times, when I wake up in the morning and find him too 'quiet' for too long, I'll give him a little nudge using the palm of my hand to make sure that he is okay. And I am relieved every time he 'responded' with a movement. We shall soon meet, my dear son...

Aside, a fellow mom found her 7-month-old foetus stopped kicking for one whole day after several days of movement and a check at the doctor's revealed that baby is actually entangled with the umbilical cord. An emergency caesarean section was inevitable to save the baby!

At this moment, my now 3-year-old son broke off my train of thoughts which hit me back into the present. He climbed onto me and my notebook and said adorably, Mummy, are you done?... You are done! Mummy, look at me! *grabs my face by my cheeks and demanded that my eyes must look into his eyes* And I marvelled to myself, Gosh, my son is so cute.

All that pain was worth it. No regrets, I told myself. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20. If I have given up, all this wouldn't have happened and hubby and I wouldn't have the chance to see the most beautiful thing in our life. 

Hello everybody! I'm Jovie (2 mths old)

Nearing the due date, I had put on slightly over 18kg (40 pounds). I was never so huge in my life and I felt like a monster. Despite my larger tummy and breast, I did not buy any maternity clothes. I just find them rather pricey and uneconomical and just make do with a few bigger bras, some underwear and pants in expandable material and wore my hubby's shirts as tunics. Besides, I have uniform for work so I don't have to bother about what to wear everyday. If I attend dinners, I'll just put on a long stretchable dress.

With the newly-acquired bulges: I couldn't walk as quickly as I liked; I have to be careful when opening doors or drawers in case I hit my tummy and baby; when I squat, I have to make sure I don't squash baby with my thighs (and bend my knees, not waist!); when I sit or stand, I have to do it slowly while shifting the weight accordingly; it was not easy getting into and out of bed - when I turn myself in bed, it has to be a 5-point turn; and I wear shoe with softer, good support (non-slip) soles to reduce the strain on my feet.

I was also thinking more cautiously, had mellowed considerably, and unexpectedly, for the first time, had developed the fear of death which made me drive much slower than before (I used to speed!). Of course, if you are wondering, pregnant ladies can still drive. Some even drove themselves into the hospital for delivery! *Salutes!*

Two weeks before due, I'm still going for my morning walks in the park and did all the housework. When I head out, I have this weird tendency of ogling at other pregnant mom's belly and compared their shapes and sizes (an unscientific belief of pregnant belly's shape and size: big+round=girl; small+sharp=boy). Mine was relatively small but out of shape. Once, I was waiting for the green man at the traffic light in town and I saw this super huge one! Is that twins? Triplets? Her belly was spilling over in front of her and I felt her pain. Mothers are truly great!

7th Oct 2010. Finally, my gynae declared that I will be due anytime after 'today'! I had already stopped work and we did all the final preparations and had prepped ourselves mentally for the impending Delivery Day. The D-Day. That night, hubby bought coconuts and a chopper and cut them up for the drink saying that its cooling properties helps to bring about a smoother delivery. We also packed the hospital bag and set up the baby's cot. 

10 pm. After dinner, hubby and I settled ourselves down on the couple couch in the soundroom. As usual, we did some prenatal education by 'touching' the baby when he pushes his hands/legs out, talked to him, and called out his name (we've decided on his English name already), all with the soothing background music. Next, baby had some movements, and I adjusted myself too. 

Then, suddenly,... BOK!

DELIVERY DAY

Something just burst inside me and I jumped and ran to the bathroom as water gushed out from below. Oh my god! Oh my god! The water is flowing out! I screamed. Hubby and I panicked. GOODNESS GRACIOUS! And it took me like 5 mins to take in the situation and tell myself to, No.1: calm down, No. 2: the water bag has burst, and No. 3: it's time to deliver. All this while, hubby was walking around like a headless chicken and making some calls. He also kept asking me whether I was urinating and I felt like smacking him! No, no, it's not! I yelled, angrily and laughingly. How can I not know the difference?!

Soon, sis-in-law called and guided us what to do. We informed our gynae, grabbed the hospital bag, and an unwanted large towel which we put in a big plastic bag for me to sit on in the car (to 'collect' the gushing liquid), and headed for the hospital.

The journey to the hospital was generally quiet as the car drove through the dark night with not much traffic. It should be, it was already around midnight. We did exchange happy, excited, and anxious looks/comments at each other, though. 

Hubby:

Phooooo! It's here, it's here! Finally!

Me:

Yap! Gosh, TODAY. He's coming now.

Hubby:

So impatient, he's got one more week!

At the hospital, registering and checking in was a breeze. We stop panicking the moment we got there as the service was really professional. When we got into the delivery room, I was all wired-up (hands and tummy) so that baby's heartbeat can be monitored. As the sound of the baby's UFO-like heartbeat reverberated throughout the room, the nurses came to gear me up to more equipment, shoved something into my behind to clear my bowels, dimmed the lights and disappeared out of the room. Then, silence. Downtime, finally, I thought. 

My pleasant hospital stay :)

In the dark, I could see an analogue wall clock in full view from where I was lying and I just watched the seconds hand ticked by, wondering what's next. Hubby was darting in and out of the room, attending to phone calls and also enquires from the nurses. He finally came in and sat down beside me and the hospital equipments surrounding me. By this time, he looked worn-out. We decided that he should go home not only to take a proper nap, but also to bring in more stuff from home that I might need. Anyway, it'll take at least 10 hours more before delivery.

So, now, it's just me and baby, waiting for each other to get ready. It's past 2 am. Silence. Arctic-cold room. A heady combination to fall asleep. Just when I was about to doze off, the legendary childbirth pain began.

A slight pulling pain could be felt in the tummy which lasted for seconds before it subsided. This continuous cycle of pull and release and pull again which mimics the monthly menstrual cramps, became more intense and lasted longer as the hours went by. From seconds of pain, it graduated to 1 or 2 minutes of pain. It was painful but still bearable, less painful than I anticipated. But I was sweating in the cold room already. When the pain comes, I just wince, grit my teeth, clench my fist, and bear it through. When the pain subsides, I'll rest and even fall asleep before the next pull comes, about 5-8 minutes later. If you really watch the timing, you'll know roughly when the next pull is coming. 

In any case, the pain comes and goes slowly (not sudden) thus, one shouldn't worry too much about the intervals and just let the pain come and go. Meanwhile, I could hear 2 moms giving birth next doors. 

One mother was moaning and the other was crying out loud, for epidural, I suppose. Gimme that thing! NOW! please!... she kept hollering, while the doctors and nurses went, Okay.. push now, push! Harder! Okay okay.. relax now, Ma'am.. I rooted deeply for her C'mon Mummy, YOU CAN DO IT! Abruptly, her side fell to silence. I reckon that the baby should be out. Next, I heard her baby crying, loud and clear! And I cried the tears of joy ;)

Now, to the other moaning mom in labour. Hers was a quiet, private affair and I did not follow through for her side. I thought of how my mom gave birth to me, and how much pain she went through. Again, mothers are indeed great! But all I wanted to do now is to savour and enjoy every moment of my delivery. In any case, this is the day where all the constipation and heartburn will end and, best of all, I'll soon (very soon!) see my boy for the very first time!

5.30am, hubby is back to the hospital from home. With all the excitement and anxiousness, he barely slept. Nonetheless, he looks all amped up and ready for the delivery. By now, I am extremely hungry after spending all the energy on the pain. I kept asking for something to eat but the nurses advised me otherwise. After more 'pleading', they brought me my breakfast (2 freshly-toasted bread with butter and jam, and a cup of Milo. One of the yummiest breakfast of my life!) which I finished in a jiffy. I hope my stools won't get in the way later during delivery. Unimaginable. Yucks!

Soon after that, my labour contractions have become more frequent, lasted longer, and is much stronger and painful. Now, the 'pull' felt more like an intense 'squeeze' of the womb. I tried breathing deeply in and out and tried to remain as relaxed as I could. I cringed during the squeeze and sometimes, I couldn't help but let out a painful moan. At some point, the pain was so unbearable I found myself hitting the bed with my fists. It's so true: labour pain = menstrual cramp X 10! And if it hurts for me, I can't imagine the distress my baby himself is going through.

By 10 am, almost 12 hours after the water bag broke, I was burned-out. Baby, can you come out now? Mummy's tired. Then, due to some reasons which I didn't quite catch, doctor advised me to take epidural and I relented after his persistent persuasion. Reasons for unplanned epidural varies. It could be I was dilating too slowly and delays may give undue stress to the baby, or it could be my (or baby's) blood pressure is going down and is worrying the doctor. In whichever case, I believe the doctor will choose the best course of action based on his knowledge and experience. The most important thing now is that my baby comes out safely. Nothing. Else. Matters.

[*Updates: I learnt from my doctor later that I was actually having 'incoordinate uterine contractions/activity' which is delaying my birth and that epidural helps to regulate contractions.]

If you are wondering what on earth is going on during a childbirth, here's a quick summary. Basically, the water breaking (read about how water breaking feels like. Very hilarious, but true!) marks the start of your labour. Next, you shall feel the contractions of your womb. These contractions actually push your baby down to open/dilate your cervix, a 'plug' at the upper part of your vagina. When this 'plug' opens fully (about 10 cm in diameter: takes about 1 hour to open every 1 cm. Thus, a total of 10 hours for 1st-time moms), your baby's head could be seen clearly, 'crowning' outside your vagina. If you still didn't have the urge to push like you would when you poo poo, or you used epidural and couldn't feel a thing, then the doctor will tell you to push till your bundle of joy comes out. :)

So, an hour later, the anaesthetist arrived, stuck a needle into my spine area and my lower body soon turned numb. All the pain disappeared. 11am.

Few hours later, about 20 minutes before birth time, everyone crowded around me for the final showdown. 1 doctor, 2-3 nurses, and hubby hovered around my bed and the nurses carried my legs apart (I'm literally paralysed waist-down) so that I can start pushing my baby out. Here goes:

THE FINALE

Now, everyone in their positions.

Nurse:

Ok Ma'am, you push when told to do so, and relax when told to do so... (I nodded my head) Now, give a push... (I pushed) Yes! Push again... ok, a little harder... (I can't feel a thing! So, without any feedback, I just 'pushed' with all my might with the remaining energy I've left) Ok, ok stop. It's coming out soon. 

Please, please. Don't use the forcep or vacuum on my baby as much as you can. Please, I kept thinking.

Doctor:

Now, push... a little harder. Ok, harder! His head is out! [please, don't use forcep/vacuum] One more push! Alright!! 

Within minutes, my baby is out - after 14 hours of labour. 

While the doctor stitched my wounds, I looked around for my boy. I caught a sight of him, for the first time, on the operating table with the cut-out umbilical cord sticking out from his to-be belly button. Hubby was ogling at him while a nurse is taking down his weight, height, and counting his fingers and toes. (1,2,3,4,5, correct... 1,2,3,4,5, correct...) Please be normal. 

At this point, I kept worrying myself, Why is my baby not crying?! Is he okay? Soon, my boy is crying his lungs out! :) Came to know later, according to hubby, the nurse had to remove the fluid in his lungs before he could breathe in air - and cry.

But mummy did not cry - like anyone would expect - the tears of joy. Probably, I was too tired - I've just pushed a human being out of my body, no less! As soon as I know that he is alive and kicking, I let go of myself and knocked out, while being pushed to the recovery ward.

Then, came the agonizing part. The after effects of epidural. I threw up. Ignoring the nurse's advice not to drink any water or eat anything for the next 2 hours, I drank water as I was so thirsty but I just threw up everything within minutes. Then, I started trembling vigorously. My whole body was shaking. I couldn't help it. My muscles were all extremely tensed up it's like I was having a fit or seizure. That feeling is 10 times much more worse than labour, no kidding. The worst feeling ever! Finally, after 1 to 2 hours, everything subsided and I fell asleep in complete exhaustion. 

Still in the ward... I was awakened by the nurse who brought in my baby boy. Breastfeeding? she confirmed with me. Yes... I barely answered. I was rather shy to latch my baby onto my nipples as it feels weird and that I haven't bathe after all that sweat and was sticky all over. But the nurse did a good job of placing him correctly on my body, slightly turned inwards, and helped latched on his mouth onto my nipples. And I just went with the flow [Note: It'll take 2 to 3 days of consistent sucking before the milk will come, that's why babies are born to survive without food for the first few days of his life, so don't worry. But I do hope that I have enough milk for him then]. So, I just 'admired' him in silence as he unassumingly sucks his stuff. His head is really warm and that chummy scent (as I call it) emitted from there is oh so heavenly - my child, finally. And I could barely hold him as he's so tiny! (2.52 kg/ 5.56 lb).

"Putting my eyes against his warm head is the most secure feeling in the world - that heat of his head on my eyes. It's as if I've got the whole world, and nothing else matters anymore."

That day, I only had one small group of visitors, mainly close family members, as I do not wish to entertain. The hospital meal was delicious and fulfilling, even my nephew wants a bite. Or was it more like comfort food after all that pain and hunger? That night, when everyone seems to be asleep, I sneaked out of my room (slowly, and in pain) and headed for the nursery to take a peek at my son. He was lying there among other babies, obviously tinier than most, sleeping soundly. I simply stood there and stared. I chatted with the nurse on duty for a while and went back to my room. Just before I turn in, I checked out my tummy. It was flabby and empty. 

The next day, it was time to head home. And, the following year was crazy.

INFANT CARE AND CONFINEMENT

When Jovie (my son) was 5 days old, his skin turned yellow with jaundice and had to go through phototherapy for a few days. We had decided to do that on our own, at home. But you can always put your baby in the hands of the professionals at the hospital, if you want. Usually, though, signs of jaundice appear on the second day, while you are still in the hospital.



Phototherapy. My poor son :(

So, together with the 24-hours 'phototherapy watch' which hubby and me took turns, I was breastfeeding on demand every 2 hours, round-the-clock (Yes! The milk came, and in abundance), then burped him, then he puked or pooped, then cleaned or bathed him, entertained him when he cooed or cried for attention, and everything repeats again. Days turned into nights and into days ceaselessly. My mother-in-law, my hubby, and me, busied ourselves around the house all day for this tiny little cub (BTW, he's a tiger baby in chinese zodiac). Sometimes, I feel like a milking machine, dozing off at 3.30am while nursing him. At another, I'll tell myself that I must remember this wonderful feeling of closeness that I've had with my child while breastfeeding him. 

As the let-down sensation comes (the feeling that milk is going to flow out from one's breast during breastfeeding, it's something like when you are urinating), there's an overwhelming sense of purpose, of unconditional love, the greatest love of all - the love from a mother to her child. 

Thanks Jovie, for coming into my life. You have given me the privilege to experience the greatest love above all.

Meanwhile, the mummy attended to all her 'wounds'. Here's a summary of what I'm busy with for the first few months after-birth/postpartum/postnatal (I've had 4 months of maternity leave):

I had bloody discharge (also known as Lochia, it's like menses), for the first 3 weeks and had to clean below cautiously because of the stitches there. Your menses can resume its normal cycle as early as one to two months after giving birth but mine was back only one year later, probably due to breastfeeding. The stitches below took almost 2 weeks to recover - a burning sensation every time I clean it. The painful ache, like a backache, on my spinal area where epidural is administered, lasted for more than a year. Goodness! I bathed (finally!) on the third day after I got home but only in hot water presoaked in chinese herbs bought from TCM stores. This is to prevent rheumatism in the future. And I can only drink water boiled with longan and red dates to maintain 'heat' as giving birth gives you a cool and weak body. 

My breast was swollen and sore but it doesn't hurt when my baby latches on, like what some other moms experienced. I maintained my milk supply by eating lots of fish (threadfin, cod fish) and green leafy vegetables (spinach, kailan, caixin). Truly, when I stopped eating them, the milk supply dwindled. My womb hurts very much, especially while nursing, and I have to take painkillers (get this from nurse at the hospital!). This is due to the womb contracting back to its pre-pregnancy size. Actually, when you nurse/breastfeed, oxytocin (a chemical) is released naturally into your body to contract the womb. (See how amazing Mother Nature is?)

I also engaged the service of the malay body massage and wrap, 2 months after giving birth. The wrap was tight and it did help reduce the size of my womb, flabby tummy, and hips. I ordered the confinement tingkat (cooked food delivery) for a month in between my maternity leave. Food eaten right then should focus on replenishing strength and dispelling 'wind' (hence, lots of ginger to remove 'wind'. The tingkat food tasted really good though. Also, since giving birth, my body felt really weak all over like I was an eighty-year-old grandma).

Besides all that, I actually found that I have haemorrhoids (piles) and 'dropped womb'(vagina/bladder prolapse). Both, I strongly believe, is caused by exerting too much strength when giving birth. For the piles, I have to use my fingers to manually push them back into my rectum everytime they pop outside. For the 'dropped womb', doctor said that I can still have babies but he wouldn't say that there'll be no complications since not all pregnancy can go totally smooth.

Basically, this is what happened: one month after giving birth there was this large lumpy, painful thing sticking out from my vagina. And, to my horror the doctor who checked me said, oh that's your bladder. You see, my vagina muscles have kind of collapsed due to overexertion and the organs it used to hold has now dropped downwards out of the vagina hole. And so, my bladder hangs almost outside me. As advised by the doctor, I did kegel exercises consistently and thankfully, after a few months, ALL these problems are gone! Everything is back to normal. (Note: My hair fell off in clumps 6 months after birth and gradually stopped 4 months later.)

It also took me about three whole years to completely shed off all the pregnancy weight. I lost around 10 kg for the first two weeks after birth though, as I was constantly sweating. And I mainly danced and walk/jog and did all the housework to burn off the excess fats. 

In conclusion, three years after giving birth, I'm now pretty much back to my pre-pregnancy, normal, energetic self. No pain, nothing. Except that I still constipate frequently. Argh! Perhaps that is why one mother of 5 children whom I've met on the train asked me about having a second child and commented that "3 years is a good gap". For her, she actually planned for 4 children but, as she puts it, I planned for four, but God gave me another one. I remember she said that blissfully and gleaming with joy.

Amidst all the 'chaos' we tried to take as many pictures of my baby as possible, so as to capture all the precious moments. So, we snapped away as if he is a superstar! (no flash on baby's eyes, please). I took a least one good picture of him every month and did a 12-month baby picture frame until his first birthday. I must have underestimated the nutritional value of breastmilk as I was surprised when I compared these 2 photos, taken merely 2 months apart.

Left: 1 week old, a frail-looking neonate Right: 2 months old, a healthy-looking cub. Breastfed exclusively!

And suddenly, we were very interested in stool. We studied and talked about the colour, the texture, and the smell and discussed it in depth. Gross! We were always alert to his cries too. Sometimes, his cries kept ringing in our ears but when we checked, he was sound asleep. We also adhered closely to the vaccinations and developmental checkups he needs to go through as stated in the health booklet given to us at the hospital. So, no sweat about that. You'll be busy with this only for the first three years. The next vaccination will be in primary school. We also registered his birth at the hospital together with his chinese name and had received his birth certificate. PS: It was unbearable to watch my newborn taking his jabs. At one point, I had to look away while he was screaming in excruciating pain. That really tore the parents' hearts apart! But I guess, this is really a No Pain, No Gain scenario.

Amongst the non-stop diaper changes (to the point that you become an expert diaper changer and can actually do it in the dark! And you have to be fast!), here are some of the weird things he's got. Milia on the face - tiny skin growth, which is gone very soon; diaper rash - I use Pureen brand nappy cream, comes in a pink tube, the only one that works for my baby; eczema - skin rash/peel on face, I used Neoderm cream from the doctor; cuts his face with his fingernails (must wear mittens at all time!); stomach flu - the baby and everyone in the family will take their turns to puke and have diarrhoea; and his first 2 bottom front teeth sprouted on his first Christmas Day when he was just 2 months old! Usually, infant begins to grow their first tooth after 6 months. But some, I heard, was even born with a tooth! Note: For the first 6 months I just used a small damp cotton cloth wrapped around my index finger (beware of baby bites!) to clean his mouth, gums and tongue and later, teeth.

Just when I thought everything is on the right track and that I could go back to the workforce worry-free, something cropped up. I was trying to pump out breast milk so that someone else (e.g. mother-in-law, MIL) can feed him while I'm working. But turns out, I have milk ONLY when my boy is nursing. It's an amazing phenomenon. There is simply no milk coming out without him sucking even when I am using one of the best milk pump in the market (wasted money!). But once, while at work mid-day, I took a glance at his photo in my handphone and was shocked when I got a huge let-down sensation and a gush of milk spilling out. Thankfully, I was wearing nipple pads that day! This is kind of unexplainable.

And so, we have to feed him with 100% milk formula while I return to work, although we initially planned for 50% breast milk and 50% formula. But he gradually refused to drink the formula, and my breastmilk supply has almost stopped by then. Soon, he also refused to sleep throughout the day and night, most probably because he was constantly in hunger. He could go through the whole day barely drinking any milk and not sleeping at all! He could cry in hunger but will simply refuse to drink when you try to feed him milk.

This went on for another period until, one night, my MIL hit herself right into the wall and got her whole arm bruised while rushing to feed him. Once, she said to me, Of all babies I've taken care of, this is the only one I cannot handle! Of the seven infants she has taken care of (3 of her own), she has never come across one that does not eat AND sleep.

For me, I simply couldn't bring myself to go to work anymore. My baby is not eating and MIL is getting exhausted (she's 67 already). I couldn't imagine outsourcing the care of my son to a stranger, like a maid or a nanny (I've heard horrific cases on this!). In the end, when my baby is about 5 months old, I left my job and took over the situation immediately. No tricks to show off though, I just kept trying to make him drink his milk (any additional mouthful or millimetre adds up) - less warm, less sweet, after taking a stroll, after a bath etc. Even tried to 'revive' my milk supply but it only came and went irregularly so I gave up that idea.

Around the 6th month, when he began sitting up with support, I introduced him to mashed food, and then followed by soft finger food on this 9th month. When he was one year plus, I fed him more solid food, partly mashed. Luckily, he took enough interest in those foods and ate his meals. Before he turned three, he was eating 3 (smaller) meals with 2 to 3 cups of milk per day, very much like one of us. (read about his milestones, 0-2 years, his recipes, 0-2 years, baby checklist and hospital bag checklist and more about his infancy).

So here I am, a full-time mom writing about her 9-month (and slightly beyond) pregnancy experience. Now, as I watch my son practically bouncing off walls in the house, I thought how beautiful and blissful my hubby's and my life is and how much more laughter, joy, and love (scattered with short fits of anger!) my child is going to bring us in our lives ahead :) 

Aside, he's formally starting preschool tomorrow! And both Papa and Mommy will be there!

I hope that by sharing my journey, I can help first-time parents clear some of their doubts so that they can better enjoy this amazing journey of Parenthood! Thanks for reading and, by the way, may you have a wonderful year in 2014!

15 Quick Ways to Release Stress Now

How do you find time to release those pent-up stress when you are busy working all day?

In today's world, a quick pace of life calls for quick measures. (Singapore has the world's fastest walkers, no less! Read about rankings here). 

With only short and odd pockets of free time here and there, I have found some fast and easy ways to recharge and perk myself up before another round of endless chores. Hope you'll find them useful as much as I do. Enjoy!

1. Turn on the Music

Music can lift me up instantly. I'll let it take me away from my tiredness and free my mind. More often than not, I'll sing to it, groove to it, or play it out loud while I'm doing something, like housework. This is my number one way to relax and cheer up. Never underestimate the power of music; it can motivate, inspire, calm, relax, heal wounds and give you an energy boost. Or it could be a means of catharsis, providing a channel or outlet to release bottled up feelings (e.g. worries and unhappiness) which may have accumulated unconsciously. It does not have to be vocal nor does it need to be pumping loud - a softly played classical/instrumental number can deliver the same results. 

2. Paint

Recently, I tried my hands at painting and it was therapeutic. I painted section by section as long as my free time permits. Gosh, I was so lost in the painting process and when I'm done, it was as if I've hit my refresh button and has centred my off-balanced self back to the original setting. Getting into the flow (the complete absorption in what one is doing), losing track of time and then, being back fully refreshed was truly rejuvenating. And hey, I could say I was once somehow in the same mental realm as my favourite painter Vincent Van Gogh! 

Painting My Beloved's Beloved.
I'm so going to put this in the study of our new home!

3. Yoga

Yoga can help relieve bodily pains, strengthen your core, reduce anxiety, increase your resistance to stress and is considered a form of meditation. Truly, one cannot ignore the strong connection between the body and the mind - if your body feels good and fit, you will feel better mentally and emotionally. 

Currently, I have three favourite yoga poses which I do in the morning to crank myself up for the busy day ahead. Why not find your favourites and you can do them whenever you need an energy boost, like during a mid-day slump? One pose only takes a few minutes to start reaping the benefits. If I have more time, I'll attend the beginner's class on my ipod app Yogify (Note: My whole body started burning and trembling within 15 minutes) And if you have the gumption for it, sign up for a yoga course and you'll be a full-fledged yogi in no time.

4. Meditate

Admittedly, I would say I have never fully went into meditation before. Yes, I had tried sitting still for 8 minutes which felt like forever and I tried focusing on my breathing and visualising all sorts of kind thoughts. But well, that few minutes of tranquility is worth all the effort. Anyway, if it is said to reduce stress and anxiety and that it can lead to 'true happiness', I am willing to keep trying. 

Up till now, my favourite type of meditation is guided meditation which comes with peaceful/nature background music. I watch guided meditation videos on YouTube where I simply follow the instructions of the guider/teacher. It goes: Now, relax your shoulders,... breathe in deeply for 5 seconds... Next, imagine yourself on top of a mountain with crisp fresh morning air...

At times, just before fetching my hyperactive son from school, I'll spend the last 5 minutes meditating, focusing on my breathing to 'clear my mind' and ready myself in a Zen state. You can try this to prepare yourself for the 'turbulence' ahead - like for an interview or a presentation.

Note: Sometimes, when I feel like I'm going to explode from my anger (courtesy of my son and/or husband), I'll shut my eyes and breathe in a few times deeply, kind of like a meditation. :) Try it to see if it works for you.

5. Have a Quick Home Spa: Massage and Heat Therapy

I often sneak in a quick self-massage whenever I'm bathing. Try this: When you shampoo, use the ball of your fingers (not the nails!) to gently massage your whole scalp. This improves blood circulation of your scalp and even promotes hair growth. If you are having a headache, use your thumbs to massage in small circular motion on your temples and upper-jaws, the area in front of your ears. Next, when you are showering, make use of the soapy, slippery nature of the shower foam to massage your body: Use both your thumbs to knead the back of your neck. Then, use your four fingers to knead the top and back your shoulders and your upper arms (cross your arms when doing this). Finally, lift your feet and give the soles a few strokes of pressure using your fingers and end by stroking your calf and thigh muscles upwards towards your heart to further improve your blood circulation. You can choose to sit down which is safer - the floor may be too slippery.

After your massage, have a little heat therapy: target a very warm shower spray onto your sore muscles for about 5 seconds on each spot. Let the warm water land on the back of your neck, shoulders, back, thighs and calf muscles. Feel the heat releasing your body tension. Not forgetting your toes, give them a good splash of heat. In fact, after a warm shower, I'll always feel squeaky clean, refreshed and renewed - like I had just washed my tiredness away and is now a brand-new me! But you should not do so for too long or the heat will dry up your skin. Slather on some body moisturizer if you like.

6. Laugh Out Loudly

Laughing is certainly the easiest and fastest way to lift your spirits. You can watch a funny movie, read a funny book or keep a very upbeat friend with you, especially someone who can induce your belly laugh with little effort. It's even better if you can make each other laugh, as making someone else laugh makes you happier too! Well, I married that friend and have not regret since. Every now and then, we'll have a good laugh over something silly or he'll make me laugh with a funny remark and the 'happy effect' can last for days, weeks, even years - especially so, if it was a belly-holding or side-splitting laugh. Haha! 

7. Take a Walk in the Nature

One will indeed instantly experience a sense of wellness when he is within the nature. This is what nature gives - they have the ultimate healing powers. In fact, I find walking as a great window of time to collect and clear my thoughts or 'think things through' - a little bit of mental housekeeping. So go on, find a park, garden or beach near your home for your daily walks. Who knows, you may even walk off a few pounds. All those little bits do add up :) 

8. Sleep

If you feel down and out or feel that you cannot cope anymore, all you might really need is a good, undisturbed nap. For a quality slumber, switch off your gadgets or put them down when you first feel tired enough to sleep. Do not put off your sleep by hanging on for another game, another webpage or replying another message. Do not delay or interrupt sleep over social connectedness. This habit might just lead to a chronic health problem in the long run. Just let go and have a good sleep or a good 10-minute nap. I am in fact, guilty of this and is working on it myself! Everyone, let us improve on this together for our long-term health, shall we? 

9. Dance

Dancing never fails to make me happy instantly. Hook up to a wireless earphone or strap up your ipod to your arms and just let the music take over you. Be it Jazz, Rock or Pop music, just groove to the beat of the music and get lost in it. Have a sexy dance, a happy dance or even a crazy dance in the comfort of your own home. (Ladies, put on your heels!) This is actually how I burnt off my pregnancy fats :) - it's truly a great indoors, sweat-out exercise. After a good dancing session, my body starts to relax and the 'feel good' hormones are then released into my body. All the organs of my body now seem to have re-strengthened and is working like a well-oiled machine. I feel energised and I breathe better. It feels great to be fit and healthy!

10. Go for a Foot Massage

Reflexology anyone? Ooh.. That heavenly sense of weightlessness after the massage session - I can feel that my blood circulation has improved, my body is much lighter, my feet are no longer as tired and sore and it feels like I'm walking on fluffy clouds - happiness! For me, though, foot massage doesn't have to hurt - it's the skill, not the strength that matters. But if pain is your thing... please do so. ;)

11. Be Kind to Someone

Help someone today unconditionally, even a complete stranger. Share something, lend a helping hand, give up a seat, or simply smile genuinely to light up someone's day.

12. Pore through Your Old and New Photos

Have a good laugh at your silly, out-of-date fashion sense in your old photos or reminisce about the good times you have had in that recent holiday trip. This is one of my mom's favourite pastimes. Even better, make slideshows out of them complete with background music for your own pleasure viewing. Note: I find playing my photos on the large TV screen using the Apple TV very amusing.

13. Meet an Old Friend

Just to 'touch base', to encourage and support each other, to lend a listening ear, have someone to talk to about the daily happenings in your life or have an uninterrupted tête-à-tête session. This deeper-level conversation gives one a lingering sense of comfort and security which brings about a great psychological boost.

14. Prepare Food for Loved Ones

Bake a cake or whip up a meal for your loved ones. Even better, have fun cooking or baking together!

15. Do What You Love, and Spread That Love. 

This is my life motto. It simply means to find something (anything!) that you love doing - perhaps something that puts you in the flow state - and then do something good out of it, like making someone else happy.

For instance, if you like making cards, why not send some self-made greeting cards to your loved ones this Christmas? You spread your love by spreading the Christmas cheer. Or, if you love to bake, and has successfully opened a cake shop, why not donate some of your profits or give away cakes on certain festive seasons? 

For me, I love making notes and lists for everyday life. Hopefully, by sharing them on my blog, they can help make someone's life be easier and happier :) 

So, what do you love to do?